to think it's like groundhog day on MN

[Fizzadora]

Every day, every single day and sometimes several times a day there are threads from women with useless fucking waste of space partners and fathers to their children who seem to have just opted out of adult life.
Just read another one, father never does anything at all with his 5 year old child. Then she drops in that he doesn't contribute financially either.
For fucks sake women. This is not Afghanistan. You don't have to fucking whisper. Get rid of the tossers. Your children will thank you.
Absolutely livid.

@claudiawinklemansfringetrimmer

My husband called me a whore, slapped me with a fish and hung me upside down from a tree, is this normal?

Amazing

😂😂😂😂😂

The ones that trouble me are where the DP doesn’t like/get on with the woman’s kids from a previous relationship and these women are allowing their kids to be bullied and treated like shit by their so called ‘step father’ because they seem to think a bloke in their bed as a higher priority then their children feeling loved in their own home.

I've seen the MN phrase dick before kids used and although it’s not a nice way with words, pictures seem to sum it up.

"Have you put your heating on yet?"
In summer "Anyone hating this "hot" weather?" when it is only 20 degrees outside

This. ^ What a horrible, sanctimonious, judgemental thread. IMO, it's a really unpleasant and judgemental opening post, that's being cheered on by loads of posters who are so smug and superior, that they would never EVER get into a relationship with a man unless he is utterly perfect, with shit that smells like fucking honeysuckle.

Some proper shitty comments on here...

'Set your standards higher.'

'Have a wee bit of respect for yourselves.'

'I am soooooo glad I am single.'

'Sad (and a bit pathetic tbh!)'

This place sometimes! Words fail me.

There but by the Grace of God go you!

Oh drives me mental

‘So fed up with this heatwave’ - it’s been 22 degrees for 3 days in July. It pissed down for a fortnight before hand

Mn may not be perfect for many reasons but this thread… I just wish I could make this thread available to my 16yo self.

There have been lots of posts from posters who have been in shit relationships with men and then left.

Are you saying women have no responsibility in these situations?

It's interesting you started this thread @Fizzadora I had been thinking of starting a similar one the other day after reading another useless man child thread. However I wanted to know why there are still so many of these men out there? MN started over 2 decades ago. Those wives & mums that first complained all those years ago about their useless partners well their sons are now these useless boyfriends, fiancees, husbands fathers.

No, nothing you said was insensitive. However I sound, I'm quite happy being as I am (I mean obviously not about the SA, but unless I sit down & think about it, my grumblings about men don't overwhelm me).
But I can understand what you're saying about your friend. Some girls/women will never see what an outsider can see (or know) about a prick.
"Settling" is the biggest problem. Most women "settle" for a man because they want A man. I'm sure some really do enjoy life with their partner but I can't personally see it. I think l'm always going to feel (a) that I could do better and (b) that a man only really wants that one thing from me.

I think a lot of couples get together when neither party is mature enough for a committed relationship. That means both men AND women need to take a good, hard look at themselves before getting involved with someone else (let alone reproducing!).

There needs to be more education about what being in a committed relationship looks like, and what is required to make one work, how to tackle difficulties that will inevitably arise. Many of us don't have much parental guidance or reference points either, so that makes it doubly difficult to know what a good, mature relationship is.

As I suspect a few posters here have also been, I'm very much a domestic violence survivor, among other things. Did I leave immediately? No. Did I leave soon after? No, because I'd had enough of his bullshit and threw him out instead. It was fucking awful and I had an ambulance turn up because he was threatening to kill himself, so I called his bluff. When he refused to co-operate, the police were called and turned up in a van and it took three of them to remove him from the house.

There comes a point when you have to make a choice. Was it hard? Fuck yes. I was sobbing my heart out and had to listen to him screaming at me, and the neighbours having a good look at what was going on. I had no family in the area, I was completely alone. One of the hardest times of my life, living in a village with lots of his family dotted about, including his son. His own son wanted desperately to spend time with him, but his "dad" couldn't be bothered.

Some of us are extremely aware of what it's like.

You’ve said it with a lot more compassion than others posters have and that’s the tone of the replies that people need.

no one needs harsh copy and paste answers

No, I’m wheeling out LTB from a ‘privelage’ of having done it. Yeah it’s not easy, but it’s not impossible.

This with bells on. I’ve been a victim of domestic abuse and also was with a drug addict for some time when I was younger and naive. This is hard won wisdom and YES I will take a hard line because I don’t want other women accepting shit they don’t need to like I did. It’s not sanctimonious - it’s honest.

There are so many things I want to see and get better for women and girls, and to get there we are going to have to stay tough as fuck, because it's clear that men aren't going to do the work to sort themselves out. It shouldn't be on us, but that's how it's landed.

We can't afford to be quiet about it either.

Don't forget 'my friend came to see my new baby and didn't bring gold, frankincense or myrrh'.

The grace of God has nothing to do with it. It's about having minimum standards.

I think the qualities that can make a man very appealing as a boyfriend don't necessarily make him a particularly good long-term bet as a husband and the father.

I think quite a few women in their Twenties walk straight past decent men and into the arms of good looking dickheads.

By the time they realize this this they are financially and family wise entwined with them and it's very difficult to untangle themselves. They're stuck with these useless men.

I think this person is feeling defensive because they know in their heart of hearts they are making, or have made, bad decisions.

What, me?

Really? I'd be curious to see those statistics ...?

If it were really that simple for women to just LTB, then they would.
I DID LTB when my twin DC were 5/6 months. Left with nothing but some clothes and basic stuff for the babies. 1 massive suitcase, 1 double buggy, 2 babies and me rocked up to the local council office, with a good friend of mine to support me, and we got emergency accommodation sorted.
I lost everything because I made the choice to safeguard my daughters above any fear I had around finances etc etc.
Not everyone can do that, though. I think my rough, abusive childhood has made me tough/street smart enough to walk the duck away when needed.
I don't always have the sympathy nor empathy I should for women who don't LTB, as it frustrates me to see women and (more importantly, I think) children suffering because of useless fathers, but at least I do understand, regardless, just how difficult and scary it can be to go it alone.