to think it's like groundhog day on MN

[Fizzadora]

Every day, every single day and sometimes several times a day there are threads from women with useless fucking waste of space partners and fathers to their children who seem to have just opted out of adult life.
Just read another one, father never does anything at all with his 5 year old child. Then she drops in that he doesn't contribute financially either.
For fucks sake women. This is not Afghanistan. You don't have to fucking whisper. Get rid of the tossers. Your children will thank you.
Absolutely livid.

Yes, but it's much more complex than just telling them, most will have grown up with similarly useless fathers, possibly men they know as good men, or were told were good fathers, so this is ingrained in them, it's how their subconcious thinks it should be, even if they logically know different.

Who we choose to be the father of our children is so important.

I often hear women talking about what a good dad their useless husband or ex is because he treats his little girl like a princess (or something). No, if he's not a good husband/partner he's teaching her that this is what she should expect from life.

Wome so often end up marrying a man just like our fathers.

Yep, forgot that nugget of joy today! 🤣

@ForPeachNewt I think you've missed the point slightly dear.

I read somewhere that statistically, single women are the happiest, and men that are married are the happiest?
Can't for the life of me think why?

You forgot:

• I don’t want friends. Friends involve “drama”. I want to spend any free time with “my little family”.

Also life expectancy - longer for single women than married women, longer for married men than single men.

Fear

Someone always says this on threads like this.

Yet it's nearly always obvious that no-one is blaming the women for the men's behaviour, they're just frustrated that the women put up with it.

And there are nearly always children involved who think these awful relationships are normal.

I can't bear it when there's kids involved and you just know they're growing up to repeat all the same patterns. I've no idea why I spend as much time as I do on here.

Haha accurate
And then the actually useful threads get deleted for god knows why. Just saw one got zapped by a poor woman who was struggling with her violent 6 year old girl. She had lots of good advice (some not so good) and it’s been deleted!!

And....some woman parked in the spot reserved for people with kids so I followed her around the store then confronted her multiple times, started arguing loudly, scared my own kids, ranted all the way home and still shaking with rage two days later.....AIBU???

Absolutely this.
It’s not the women’s fault. But when will men ever fucking learn if people keep letting them get away with it??
Im so lucky in that my ex parents 50/50 and is an amazing dad. He was a fucker at times to me, but I cannot fault how much effort he puts in (and yes, that should be the norm and he thinks this too - he quite often finds it hilarious how much praise he gets just for doing what he is supposed to) so yeah, it’s absolutely possible for a man to be a decent dad!!

The ones who post about their so called partners being useless fuckers who spend every weekend in their hobbies, couldn’t find the washing machine with satnav, earn 500 million a year but only pay half the bills and give their wife 50p a month and have a close female ‘friend’ they spend 23 hours a day messaging.
And when the thread is a unanimous LTB. OP replied but he’s so sweet and kind the 1% of the time he’s not a cunt. And only engage with the 2 posts saying ‘try harder to be a better wife’

Or the ones who move their unemployed drug taking piss head new bloke who was living with his mum who did his washing and fed him into their home with their kids after about a fortnight and are then shocked they turn out out to be a useless cocklodger but can’t ask him to leave because ‘the kids are so fond of him’

I can understand that a woman can be destroyed by coercive control, or years of abuse, but why did they choose to stay after the first time they were hit or put down or a man tried to prevent them from seeing friends or family? And why did they keep on staying till they lost agency?

Obviously low self-esteem, seeing being 'picked' by a man as the ultimate prize, but is there also, for some, a thrill of the drama of it all?

I think social services should step in immediately where there is domestic abuse and make it very clear that the abuser has no place in the family, kids should never have to witness abusive behaviour.

It's not just on here.
Afaic, men are only good for one thing, and it ain't caring for their kids!
I always preface my remarks on here with "I'm (only) 20", and I am, but I've seen enough of life to know that boys and men are not my saviours or knights in shining armour.
And the most annoying thing is that they still think they can be.
NEVER a day goes by without me getting at least one "oh Sian, you've been badly treated by other men, let me prove to you that we're not all like that".
What THAT means is "let me stick my tiny sausage in your roll and then afterwards I MAY be interested in sticking around, but I wouldn't bet on it".
O M G. Is it any surprise that I have all my good times with my galmates?

Well some of them are to blame by putting up with this horrible behaviour aren't they?
I don't for a minute include those who are frightened of physical violence. Their situations are much more complex and they get fantastic help on here when they finally work up the courage to act.

100% agree, depressing

Fair play, they tell you all this shit at the beginning to butter you up and are nearly always a disappointment. I am jealous that you figured this out 20 years before I did 😂

What winds me up is when someone describes a really shit marriage to a really shit husband, and then declares 'But they're a fantastic dad'.

Raise your bar FFS because no 'fantastic dad' treats his kids mum like shit.

And often 'fantastic dad' amounts to doing the odd bath time and pushing them on a swing for 20 minutes a week.

The issue is that for some women, singledom seems a failure. They’d rather stay with shit partners and have someone, than risk having no one even tho they might go on to find a good one.

then that helps exacerbate the cycle of shit men.

if we had a zero tolerance approach men would improve. But there are too many women willing to be their housekeepers, de facto mums, bank etc etc

sad (and a bit pathetic tbh)

It’s not as easy to leave as LTB, it’s more complex than that and it’s not giving the situation enough consideration for LTB to be as easy as clicking your fingers.

i would have said the same thing from my warm comfy armchair with my lovely husband years ago but the reality is unless you’ve gone through it all and done it then wheeling out LTB is from a position of privilege

You missed the weekly trans thread.

I think it was my forced awakening.
When I was 14 I was SA'd and learnt that was all they wanted. And NOTHING since has proven me wrong. Men really are S♓ITS.
One of my "galmates" always tries to play devil's advocate when I say something like that, but it doesn't work.
Of course it's not really a good thing that I know that. In many ways it's stunted my life and made me think (realise) that, although I'm straight, the only genuine love I can get is from women.
I'm sorry to ramble on. It doesn't get me anywhere. I don't suddenly rise up & think "I have discovered the secret of life - female friendships", because I haven't. FFs are great but they don't (apologies for being blunt) don't give me a literal or metaphorical Big O.

Abusive men are very good at hiding their true natures. No one would want them otherwise.