Ex help so I can take kids to Disney?

[Honeymonster2]

What's your opinion on this scenario...

Had a family holiday booked before we broke up to disneyland, we decided to still go until recently when we've kind of said we can't afford the original booking.

Fast forward to now, things are a bit less harmonious between us than they had been before but not all rows and arguments.

I messaged asking if I downgraded the hotel package would he still like to all go, I would cover it, but he would need to cover some of the food when we're out there. He said no, but if I wanted to go with the kids he won't be upset. I said ok, if you're sure, could you look after the baby and maybe the toddler too, so I can take our older children (8 and 6) as if I had any more of the kids, we wouldn't be able to access much of the rides etc as I would be heavily outnumbered by really young kids. He said no I won't take time off work so you can go on holiday. I said, well it's not really me off on my Jolly's it's so the kids can go to disneyland and he said no, don't go down that route...

Am I being selfish? I do love disney, but I would also look after my kids so the older ones could have an amazing experience too as long as the younger ones had something amazing to make up for it. But he's flat out said no, hinting because I'm selfish?

BG - he has the children at my house every other weekend, I have all 4 the rest of the time. We agreed to be friendly and helpful to each other in the breakup, but the cracks are starting to show now I have a new boyfriend.

Wow....!

Reading more this is so so awful for those kids to be fair. Youre both picking and a choosing which ones are more convenient at the time. Not sure how you can both not see that’s wrong.

I’d take your new partner to Disneyland with all the kids and tell him he has them all or not at all on his turn, I would also not be letting him have the kids at yours why can’t they go to his? He’s taking the Micky

And it's never occurred to either of you that your 4 children will need a lot of time, patience and nurturing to help them come to terms with their worlds being turned upside down?

Instead you both thought the best thing to do would be to introduce brand new relationships into their lives?

You both sound as selfish as each other.

You can't fuck with kids in this way and then think a trip to Disney will make it all better.

Oh dear, it’s a sad thing to happen but I don’t necessarily think he’s being unreasonable to refuse to have the little ones. For reasons others have mentioned including time off work etc…. Even putting that not insignificant factor aside, this is a man who has his kids every other weekend. At your house. If he hasn’t stepped up more by now what makes you think he will now, over this? What is the cost difference if you just bite the bullet and take all the kids? I agree it will be difficult but probably not totally unmanageable. There is plenty to do at Disney even for kids who can’t go on all the coasters and stuff. I would be a bit worried about stuff like swimming/waterparks where there will be rules about adult to child ratios with non swimmers.
Do you have another adult you can take? Is your boyfriend going? Again, cost though. Perhaps that person could pay for themselves? A grandparent who might be up for it. Long shot I know.
You may have to accept it’s just not happening for now.
And yes the contact arrangements sound awful? Doesn’t he have a suitable place to take them? That’s also a huge worry. Not sure I’d want him watching my little ones for such a long length of time anyway.

He sounds like a twat. Get a friend or family member to come with you and take all the kids and go and have a great time and he can sit at home and wallow like a pathetic little man

Hiya, this is my very simplified view on this. They are his kids, equally responsible for them. Drop the two youngest ones off with him and take the older ones to Disney. He seems to have too many options on whether he looks after HIS children!

Yeah he’s an arse but presumably that is why he’s an ex

if you mean Disneyland Paris i went this summer and was underwhelmed tbh. Cancel it but reconsider when kids are older and more manageable

off topic but imm amazed you find time for a boyfriend if you’re a single mum of 4! You must be exhausted

Could you take the new boyfriend in the ex’s place?
I agree with previous responses that he should be arranging his own contact not in your home.
co-parenting is always very difficult after a split. Especially with new partners involved.
If he isn’t having regular time with the children when does he expect you to see your new partner? It’s easy for the other parent, they get 6 nights a week to themselves to see whoever they want, but that leaves us primary parents with 1 night.
So it’s much easier for them to not introduce new partners to children.

Putting aside the rights and wrongs of early introductions to new partners, you can remind him that as he said no to you splitting up the kids for you to be able to manage them better in Disneyland in turn you are also saying no to his request to do the same.

I also think he was right to say no btw.