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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex help so I can take kids to Disney?

60 replies

Honeymonster2 · 29/10/2024 14:34

What's your opinion on this scenario...

Had a family holiday booked before we broke up to disneyland, we decided to still go until recently when we've kind of said we can't afford the original booking.

Fast forward to now, things are a bit less harmonious between us than they had been before but not all rows and arguments.

I messaged asking if I downgraded the hotel package would he still like to all go, I would cover it, but he would need to cover some of the food when we're out there. He said no, but if I wanted to go with the kids he won't be upset. I said ok, if you're sure, could you look after the baby and maybe the toddler too, so I can take our older children (8 and 6) as if I had any more of the kids, we wouldn't be able to access much of the rides etc as I would be heavily outnumbered by really young kids. He said no I won't take time off work so you can go on holiday. I said, well it's not really me off on my Jolly's it's so the kids can go to disneyland and he said no, don't go down that route...

Am I being selfish? I do love disney, but I would also look after my kids so the older ones could have an amazing experience too as long as the younger ones had something amazing to make up for it. But he's flat out said no, hinting because I'm selfish?

BG - he has the children at my house every other weekend, I have all 4 the rest of the time. We agreed to be friendly and helpful to each other in the breakup, but the cracks are starting to show now I have a new boyfriend.

OP posts:
xyz111 · 30/10/2024 07:20

ThePoshUns · 30/10/2024 07:15

The pair of you are making a right mess of this aren't you?
Broke up in January and already have new partners that you've introduced to your children?
Poor kids must be all over the place.
You and your ex need to grow up, put your kids first and put some boundaries in place instead of worrying about bloody Disneyland.

Agree!!!!!

Blairsnitchproject · 30/10/2024 07:21

There is nothing wrong with your expectations in general it is your expectations of him that are the problem. His personality means he won’t do what a decent parent would do, just let him be who he is, he will be anyway and you won’t be so frustrated if you accept him as he is.

swizzlemix · 30/10/2024 07:23

ThePoshUns · 30/10/2024 07:15

The pair of you are making a right mess of this aren't you?
Broke up in January and already have new partners that you've introduced to your children?
Poor kids must be all over the place.
You and your ex need to grow up, put your kids first and put some boundaries in place instead of worrying about bloody Disneyland.

All of this!

Why do you have a new boyfriend (he isn't a partner!) staying overnight when you have 4 kids including a baby and a toddler?

Everyone involved here sounds frighteningly immature.

Vettrianofan · 30/10/2024 07:26

That's why we only went to Disneyland this year. Mine are 17, 14, 9 and 7. All four went on most of the rides there, and most importantly....they're old enough to remember the experience due to the sheer cost of the trip which I am glad about!!

StormingNorman · 30/10/2024 07:32

Change the ticket to your mum’s name or a friend.

Being stuck at home with baby and toddler while you go on your jollies (because it is and you know it) with the older two is really the shitty end of the stick.

Imagine a mum being asked to do this whether she was married or co-parenting. MN would be up in arms at the sheer cheek of it.

dottiedodah · 30/10/2024 07:32

TBH I think he has a point really.You are no longer a couple ,yes you co parent but separately .I would be a little bit careful with new partners,9 months is a very short time for DC to adjust to the new situation.Frankly it sounds exhausting just reading about your life ATM! Maybe see BF at his house or out and about .Your DH should be taking them all sure ,sadly lifes not really like that, and many men "hit back" at their partners through the children .

unsync · 30/10/2024 07:58

Why? Sort everything out properly first. Contact seems a shambles, has that been dealt with? Why is he coming to your house? Where are your boundaries? Your children need routine, consistency and support. Put them first and do what's best for them (it's not a trip to Disney with two arguing adults who should know better).

Sethera · 30/10/2024 08:01

Could you offer to reciprocate - put forward a definite time and plan - so you look after the little ones while he goes on holiday with the older ones? That might make it more palatable to him.

Pumpkincozynights · 30/10/2024 08:02

He’s nailed his colours to the mast.
The children are YOUR responsibility. He is too important to put them first. HE and only he comes first.
As the saying goes, get your ducks in a row, stop facilitating him. I predict he will soon shack up with another woman and the fortnightly visits will drop off……

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 30/10/2024 08:07

If this is actually about the older kids going to Disney, then why not let him take them while you stay at home with the baby and toddler?

I don't think Disney is the real problem here, though. It is more about the new boyfriend. Why on earth have you introduced this man to your children after so little time, and why are you letting him spend so much time with your baby?

Jellybean85 · 30/10/2024 08:11

JANUARY?! Of 2024? This is madness and maybe Disney is the least of your worries. I know Mumsnet can be a bit Ott sometimes suggesting new partners can only be introduced after eons of time lol but you've barely been split up a minute how have you both got new partners on the scene and introducing them so quick, the poor kids!

I see his point on Disney you get the fun part with the older kids and he gets the hardest two at home wondering where there mum and siblings went

BeensOnToost · 30/10/2024 08:19

Your kids have met new parents so going on holiday with your ex is a bad idea.

He is obviously playing tit for tat with only taking 2 at once but I do see his point - its fine when you want it to happen but unfair on the kids when it's done his way and not yours. The kids are still losing out by the way he is making his point though.

My advice is scrap disney and walk back your kids being so involved with your boyfriend of less than a year. It doesn'tatter that he has a girlfriend and is playing dad to her kids, that's not your lookout.

Just sort out proper regular contact, accepting that he will probably not turn up half the time and you can then decide if that's better than no contact.

But yeah, scrap disney, focus on your kids and enjoy having a boyfriend to date if there is time, not having him at you and your kids home most days and nights shortly after their worlds have been turned upside down. Sorry to be blunt but that's how I see things.

EmberAsh · 30/10/2024 08:28

Cancel Disneyland.
Focus on some stability for your children. This means no more new partners are introduced. Agree this between both of you.
Stop blurring the boundaries by having your ex in your home. If it's his time with the kids, he has them all and they go with him.

kittensinthekitchen · 30/10/2024 08:46

Well, you didn't actually split up properly until May did you?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5070976-guilt-over-partner-leaving

Yet you were still sleeping with him a few weeks ago

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5161597-ex-seeing-someone-new

No mention of the new 'partner' though 🤔

You need to sort out the shitshow the pair of you have created for your children, rather than taking Disney trips.

Guilt over partner leaving | Mumsnet

I'll try and be concise on the history - together nearly 10 years, unmarried, 4 children. Partner is an alcoholic, anger outbursts, laziness etc but n...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5070976-guilt-over-partner-leaving

crumblingschools · 30/10/2024 09:00

The poor children involved in this shitshow (including GF’s DD)

Hercisback1 · 30/10/2024 09:03

You split up in January and have already introduced the kids to a new man? Are you crazy?!

Slow down. Take time to get to know yourself.

Cancel Disney.

DoreenonTill8 · 30/10/2024 10:24

Bloody hell @kittensinthekitchen shitshow does not describe it!
how was there any time for either of you to meet these new partners amongst all of this.

Hypermedi · 30/10/2024 10:28

Hercisback1 · 30/10/2024 09:03

You split up in January and have already introduced the kids to a new man? Are you crazy?!

Slow down. Take time to get to know yourself.

Cancel Disney.

This! The lives of some parents boggles the mind.

coffeesaveslives · 30/10/2024 10:29

kittensinthekitchen · 30/10/2024 08:46

Well, you didn't actually split up properly until May did you?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5070976-guilt-over-partner-leaving

Yet you were still sleeping with him a few weeks ago

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5161597-ex-seeing-someone-new

No mention of the new 'partner' though 🤔

You need to sort out the shitshow the pair of you have created for your children, rather than taking Disney trips.

Nice catch 🤨

OCDmama · 31/10/2024 07:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Victoriancat · 02/11/2024 20:20

He's also an alcoholic, why tf would you want to leave kids with him especially a baby!

Noglitterallowed · 02/11/2024 20:22

Either take your kids on holiday or don’t! Don’t pick and choose who to take because it’s easier for you to get on rides!! You’re not together and you need to learn to negotiate that as hard as it is

lightsandtunnels · 02/11/2024 20:26

ThePoshUns · 30/10/2024 07:15

The pair of you are making a right mess of this aren't you?
Broke up in January and already have new partners that you've introduced to your children?
Poor kids must be all over the place.
You and your ex need to grow up, put your kids first and put some boundaries in place instead of worrying about bloody Disneyland.

I have to agree with this. It's all very childish OP and you are the adults.

HildaHosmede · 02/11/2024 20:33

4 young kids, split with your ex in May and there's a new boyfriend who's already staying overnight?

Women like you are a paedo's dream target.

Deeperthantheocean · 02/11/2024 20:38

This is so the problem when couples separate. Case of parent/usually Mum having to ask for help to take care of kids from both parents.

It really is disgusting that women have become single Mums, it should be a case of half parent sharing costs and responsibilities.