Being dry at night toilet training... should I force it?

[Winniethepig]

I have a 4.5 year old who is still not dry at night, she is soaking wet with wee in nappies even though we cut her liquids at dinner and make her wee before bed. We have tried taking nappies away a few times and she gets very distressed when she wakes wet. When we have tried its also led to day time regressions.

We go back to nappies, and she's happy.

Our GP said all kids run on different timelines and if she is still having issues after 5 to come back, but my mother in law is being very opinionated about it and is saying I'm holding her back and now DH has taken all the nappies away.

I'm really not sure if we should just persevere or if I should wait until her nappies feel dry in the morning. I obviously am sick of wet bedding and nappies but I don't want her stressed out at night.

Would love any advice x

The success of night-time training will depend on the maturity of your child’s bladder and the production of a hormone that suppresses the production of wee during sleep. Bedwetting is common in children and 20% of five-year-olds still wet the bed.

www.familycorner.co.uk/when-should-children-be-dry-night#

You can't really toilet train at night, it's something that occurs naturally in most cases with lots of kids needing support beyond 5 yr of age. Get some proper support, your school nurse will give good advice.

Stop talking to your mil about this difficulty, it's non of her business.

Tell your DH that he is being a prick and give your daughter the protection (pull-ups) and support you both need..

You'll know when she's ready, when she wakes with dry nappies or wakes for a wee during the night. Trying to force this isn't going to work. As a pp said it's hormonal.

Agree with others. This is not something to force. Supermarkets are full of sleep pants for a reason. My child was about 6 before being dry at night but toilet trained early and easily during the day. Don't worry.

Your husband is being cruel and unreasonable and will cause unnecessary distress to your child. Kids have absolutely no control over night time dryness. It is determined by hormone changes and isn’t something you can teach (or in your husbands case, scare her into doing).

Give the poor kid back her nappies.

I had similar with my son. He wasn’t out until he was at least 6. My mother who is normally very supportive was awful. Kept saying I had missed my opportunity BS. There is litterally nothing you can do until the hormone change happens (and it was like a switch). Until then, don’t make a fuss and don’t increase your flipping washi by load so much.

You can’t force it. Don’t be cruel and read up on the medical facts. My DD wet the bed 5 nights out of 7 and guess what? It was a medical problem. Nothing we tried worked and shaming her wouldn’t have helped anyway. She got dry with medication aged 8.

why are listening to your MIL? She is not a enuresis expert and stop telling her all your personal stuff. A child is also entitled to privacy.

Impossible really. My eldest was in pull ups until 8. Dry in the day by just after his second birthday

Ds2 was dry straight away. Though he never slept through, so that probably helped

Thanks for this but I'm not being cruel. I'm asking for advice. The last thing I want to do is force her when she isn't ready but like a lot of parent advice you hear things from people and you ask for advice / second opinions. I feel the same as you. Thanks for validating this and I have spoken to DH and agreed that she isn't ready. I think MIL is still in that older thinking that children should be ready at a certain age and that's it.

How do you plan to force her to produce enough ADH?

I would honestly just put her back in nappies until she is dry in the mornings. No one needs to know about it!

I trained both my kids in the day very early - DS was 18 months and DD 20 months - but did nothing about the night time at all - just waited until they had dry nappies for about a week. DS was dry at about 4.5 and DD at about 2.5. Neither of them have ever wet the bed.

Put her in pull ups and stop upsetting g her.

That’s good to hear. Every supermarket sells pull-ups for children and teenagers. There is no shame in not being dry, a child can’t control this. They do lovely ones with princesses for girls for example.

MIL needs to butt out. Don’t share so much with her anymore,it’s not 1965 and we have more medical Information and facts on bed wetting now.

ERIC is a charity that specialises in toilet needs/incontinence. They have plenty of useful guidance that confirms that night dryness will happen when it happens. Mil is an idiot.

My son wasn't dry at night until he was 6. No medical concerns, it just didn't happen.

We used pull ups - less bulky than nappies and he could pull them down himself if he did wake up.

It got to the point where he would be dry for 7 nights but, if we removed the pull up, he'd wet himself. So we just left the pull ups on for longer and tried every few weeks. Eventually, it just happened.

Your DH sounds like a dick tbh. Did he do any reading at all before taking the nappies? Mine were dry overnight at a young age and even I know it's not something you can train, it's hormonal. Did he not even do a basic Google search before putting his foot down? Send him some links.

Your mil's advice and husband's removal of the nappies risks making this a longer term problem than it needs to be and horribly unpleasant for your child.

If you remove all the anxiety, it'll happen eventually and he much more pleasant for your daughter (and you as I presume its you changing the bedlinen daily?)

DD wasn't taken out of pull ups at night time until after her 5th birthday, and this was only after something like 3 months worth of dry pull ups. She's 7 now and maybe wet the bed twice in that time.
I know of 2 children in her class who are still in nappies at night. Her school is under subscribed, we're talking roughly 22/24 children. Considering this is a topic people don't talk about I am guessing the actual number is higher.

Never understood why people tie themselves in knots over this. I didn’t “train” either of my kids day or night, just waited until they were ready. For night time I waited until we had a few nights in a row of dry nappy in the morning and then asked them if they wanted to try wearing pants at night. Done. 4.5 is still very young. Don’t make an issue where there isn’t one.

DD1 had a full pull up every morning, until she was 6. Then suddenly... she was dry.
DD2 was the same, just at 5. Both were dry in the day before their third birthdays.

We were told not to worry until 7 years old.

My DD went on a school residential in Y4 and at least 2-3 children were in pull ups (that we knew of). It’s very common, you can find pull-ups for kids in every supermarket.

If you want to try something, look up the 'oh crap!' Method. This has detailed advice on approaching night training separately to day time. It talks about limiting liquids before bed and strategically lifting the child in the night for wees. It could be worth a try especially if / when a child is uncomfortable wearing pull ups or wanting to progress. But the book also underlines how it comes down to biological maturity so that it is fine to save night dryness as a later goal separate to daytime dryness if your child is finding it more difficult.

As others have said, it’s hormones that dictate being dry at night, so all taking away her nappies will cause is unnecessary distress and washing. She’ll get there when her body is ready, nappies at night for a 5 year old is not unusual and isn’t doing any harm

whatever you do don’t force it - it won’t work and will add stress… she can’t help it as she’s fast asleep. My son wet the bed up to age 6 frequently- and even as recently as 9 years old. It is something she will grow out of and is linked to hormones. It is really stressful when you have to keep stripping the bed and washing bedding all of the time but I promise she will eventually be dry!

one thing I would ask is does she have a nightlight? Apparently light can inhibit the hormones that help to keep dry so if she go without a nightlight you might find that really helps. If she insists on a nightlight then switch to one that gives off red light as apparently that is much better…not sure where I read that but I remember being at my wits end with my sons bed wetting and that definitely improved things.

Always understood it was hormonal and thought it was strange that people would go to the effort of waking their sleeping child to put them on the toilet. A) them having undisturbed sleep is incredibly important and B) why the hell would you risk having undisturbed sleep yourself 😂😂

Mine woke with wet nappies until one day they didn’t! Left the nappy off after that, we don’t restrict fluids, they even take water to bed with them (again, they are essential to survival, and if someone told me I couldn’t have a drink when I was thirsty I’d be very upset!! Seems cruel to me). Just a wee after brushing teeth and never had an accident here (or a wake up for the toilet - phew!)