Being dry at night toilet training... should I force it?

[Winniethepig]

I have a 4.5 year old who is still not dry at night, she is soaking wet with wee in nappies even though we cut her liquids at dinner and make her wee before bed. We have tried taking nappies away a few times and she gets very distressed when she wakes wet. When we have tried its also led to day time regressions.

We go back to nappies, and she's happy.

Our GP said all kids run on different timelines and if she is still having issues after 5 to come back, but my mother in law is being very opinionated about it and is saying I'm holding her back and now DH has taken all the nappies away.

I'm really not sure if we should just persevere or if I should wait until her nappies feel dry in the morning. I obviously am sick of wet bedding and nappies but I don't want her stressed out at night.

Would love any advice x

My DS was 8. He couldn't help it. He had pull ups, I never mentioned it to him as I knew he was embarrassed

It's hormone related,

So far, both my older ones were dry during the day at 2.

Night time one is still wet frequently at 6.

They will get dry when they are ready, it's about management in the meantime. Either pull ups/nappies or as we do (nappy refused as embarrassed) use care home washable pads - £15 on Amazon and covered the main area that will get wet, therefore it's a quick change of the cover and pj rather than full bed in the night. We have a pack of 4 that we rotate and extra cheap bedding for the frequent washes. They will get there.

Did so many kids regularly wet the bed 50...70 years ago?

Just a little reading..and yes. It's common all over the world since records begin!

Reading about some of the "treatments" though... fucking hell!

I’ve been trying wondering this as DD was dry at night from age 2 but DS is 4.5 and still nowhere near. I make sure he has a wee before bed and I’m just waiting now

@Winniethepig Don't cut her liquids. Dehydration causes bed wetting. Try increasing her water intake during the day instead. It solved bed wetting for us.

We don't cut her liquids, her last liquids are at dinner and she's allowed as much as she wants in the day. We don't have much control over it anyway, she's in school.

Sorry I meant at dinner time. How much water is she drinking during the day? My kid always got distracted by play and didn't drink as much so needed a nudge at nursery and school

Another one to say just wait till they’re ready. As a family we were all slow to be dry at night and my DC are no different. One got rid of the nappies in the summer of year 2 and the other one is now in year 2 and I’ll give it a try in the summer. They wanted to try without by that point and there were quite a few accidents (so I was grateful to be able to put the sheets on the line!) but it didn’t take long so I can see there is a small element of training/them learning to not just use the nappy but I wouldn’t be worrying about it at all until they are 7.

Not much you can do, dc was dry at night before being fully toilet trained, just the luck of the draw.

I disagree with pp on here. DD did this, was still in nappies at 5, when her younger sibling was ready to potty train. She had been out of nappies in day since 2.

Hormones play a part but so does habit. They do need a bit of time for their brain to twig they should wake up fully if they need to wee.

I'd commit to no nappies at night for at least a week. if a disaster then keep nappies.

also double sheet the bed, have spare duvet made up for quick night changes. we also have a pad thing that tucks in over sheet so you just take that off.

What evidence are you basing this on? You can’t come in with a completely anecdotal and non scientific opinion and just state you ‘disagree’. That’s madness.

My DS was 6.5 before he was dry at night. We did “force” it in the end by using a bed wetting alarm. As a pp said, there is an element of habit too and the alarm worked really well for him, to break that association between weeing and being in a deep sleep. It only took about a week.

That said, 2 years later and we still have to restrict liquids in the evening or end up with a wet bed in the morning. If he says he’s really thirsty, he can have a sip but left to his own devices he’d happily glug a 500ml bottle just before bed which doesn’t work.

Gently trying for at least 5 days can be helpful. We're now having success on the 4th try, having gone back to nappies each other time as it wasn't working. DD also got rewarded for drinking lots in the day until the end of supper, which helped for us.

However, it's only now at nearly 6 that she's actually ready. People are not in control while they're asleep, so there's no point putting pressure on about something that happens in her sleep.

Id have agreed with you a few years ago but it isn't solely hormones. Some children have to learn to wake at night to pee (my eldest did). This is why later on ERIC & other incontinence charities will suggest alarms that wake the child when they wet, to basically make learn that they need to wake to go and pee. Those alarms have very good success rates over time. I do now suspect that over reliance on dry, comfortable feeling disposable nappies does allow children to get used to simply sleep deeply through wetting the bed.

How long have you actually tried no nappy? Put a washable bedmat on and do at least a couple of weeks. Both my kids needed to wet the bed & wake up a few times to break the habit of simply sleeping through peeing.

Also try:
Cut out all artificial sweeteners including those in squash
No blackcurrant squash at all!
Wake child and take them to wee when you go to bed at 10 or so.

this

You literally say in your OP “we cut her liquids with dinner” which is cruel. She’s so young
still and to take her nappies away and give them back constantly is horrible. You say yourself she regressed in the day.

Did so many kids regularly wet the bed 50...70 years ago?

I don't think they did from conversations with my mother and aunt. I do think disposable nappies & later potty training are a factor.

@Waitingforthecold the Eric website recommends periodically trying for at least 5 days to see if it's partly habit. It won't work until they're ready, but if they are partly waking up and peeing then it will help them to fully wake up.

I suspect it's similar to the reason that DD potty trained much earlier from cloth nappies than DS did from disposables.

Your DH is horrible, and I hope he is the one who is going to wash all the wet bed linen - although I doubt it.

One of my DC had a bladder the size of Lake Erie and was dry at night months before her twin as she just had the capacity to cope with a night times accumulation of urine. That can't be 'forced'.

This isn’t the advice you originally gave!

You literally say in your OP “we cut her liquids with dinner” which is cruel

Rubbish - incontinence charities standard advice is to restrict children from drinking after dinner/into the evening. They need to learn to drink plenty earlier in the day.

Lots of children can't be bothered drinking during the day when they are busy playing, then get to bedtime and realise they are thirsty, have a big drink, their kidneys desperately go into overdrive as they've been dehydrated all afternoon & lo and behold, the bed is wet.

Ass others, say you can't force it my disabled child was dry at night long before he was out of nappies during the day.

It is not solely determined by desmopressin production. Lots of people need to learn to wake at night to wee.

My sister certainly did I remember her having a rubber mat type thing under the sheet ,she ,s 53 .