To have shouted at a stranger at the pool?

[Fullmooncomfort]

I’m still mulling this over so needed some opinions from you wise owls. The fact I’m still thinking about it makes me think I probably did the wrong thing 😖

scenario: busy pool today with Dd8 and her friend, we had just into a family cubicle to change after a nice swim. Changing rooms were busy and in high demand which is normal for weekend family swim time. We’d been in there for a couple of mins (so just at the stage I’m half dressed with dripping wet hair and the girls are wrapped up in towels slowly starting to dry off). The door to the cubicle gets banged on really loudly so I ignored it assuming someone had the wrong cubicle. However when it happened again really loudly I said “it’s occupied, won’t be too long” and the person on the other side started shouting about a jacket and rattling the door. The knocking and rattling of
the door continued and got louder and this girls started to get upset so I opened it a crack to say I think you’ve got the wrong cubicle, and a very red faced angry woman started shouting at me saying I’d taken her cubicle and stolen her daughter’s jacket 🤷‍♀️I had to speak loudly as she was literally just ranting and I said I think you have the wrong cubicle, it’s me and 2 girls and we are changing so please step away and you are welcome to come in when we are done but there’s nothing it in apart from our stuff.
She then put her hand on the door and continued to shout about a jacket, saying she needed to come in and check as I had clearly moved her clothes out of it and stolen the cubicle and jacket. I finally lost my temper and shouted back (I know that was wrong but it was awful, the girls were upset and she had her hand on the door so I couldn’t shut and lock it) and she started really yelling at me. I didn’t know what to do so asked loudly if security was around (lots of wide eyed parents standing who did nothing but not a lifeguard in sight as they were poolside and no security as they of course would normally have no reason to patrol a kids changing area)
She then screamed that I was racist and she was calling security on me for theft 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️and walked off, so I went back in to reassure the girls, having locked the door.
Next thing I know a lifeguard of about 17 who looked confused knocked on the door and said a lady had come to complain that her daughter’s expensive jacket had been stolen and I had been racist towards her. I felt really upset (I think just shock) and managed to wobble out the above story and that I was finishing getting the girls ready and we would come out and she could check it for this jacket (that clearly wasn’t in there). Then a security guard arrived so it was chaotic at this point, it all got repeated and she said she would try and find the women. She came back after a few minutes to say she’d spoken to her and told her she should have been polite and waited for us to exit before going in to check if the coat was in there, but that she had denied raising her voice and said that I had been deliberately goading and obstructive and racist. I got quite upset and said I certainly wasn’t racist or goading and while I did stop her entering the cubicle it was only because the girls were naked and we had just started getting changed. She sort of shrugged and nodded and walked off and I gathered up my things and we left. I feel awful for having lost my temper and shouted at her and for security, which scared the girls more, but I simply lost my rag after repeated attempts to ask her to wait while
we finished changing, and then she was so aggressive. I’ve had to explain to the girls what racist means and how It was nothing to do with race, but I’m mortified my DD and her friend saw me raise my voice and shout at her to move away from the civil cubicle. WWYHD in that situation? My gut tells me I handled it badly but it was all so sudden and intense and I think my fear turned into anger ☹️

Yeah fair enough, I grew up in quite a prudish household and never saw my parents naked so it is just a weird concept for me.

As for the woman, you did the right thing imo, you showed the girls that they should stand up for themselves

Thankfully it's a long time since I heard that phrase used, which is racist in itself and unnecessary whatever the context. Or do you mean you hate women or men calling out racism for what it is (which I'm sure from the description this was not). Either way it's foul.

Well the way you've written it certainly says you did nothing wrong 🤷‍♂️

Ignore the woman, she's batshit.

Being optimistic, at least the 8 year olds now know what racist means, so it's not entirely all bad.

Must've been a shock for all of you though

I had a woman at our children’s swimming lessons who would always put her stuff right on top of ours. I’m talking putting her clothes over ours on the hangers and her towel over my bag (no lockers)

The first time I said, oh sorry I think you’ve taken our spot (open changing room for all). After that it was no holds barred, she was after me and wouldn’t stop, she’d seek out where we were changing, just to put her clothes over ours. Eventually I complained and was told it was her word against ours.

anyway after weeks of this I “accidentally” poured talc on her clothes and she was just gone after that. Never heard a word.

Long and short - you behaved far better than I did so should be proud of yourself x

God this is a weekly occurrence at our swimming pool. I’ve seen people come to blows over it.

Parents leave all their clothes in the cubicles for the entire 30 min swimming lesson (there are usually 3-4 classes running simultaneously, so up to 60 kids needing to change at the same time, and only 6 cubicles). The parents go off for a coffee and just leave all the stuff hanging up, blocking anyone else from using the cubicles.

I ask if anyone is using the cubicles go in and use the cubicles, and just ignore the banging and shouting outside. There are signs up everywhere saying not to leave stuff in the cubicles, it’s their look out if they can’t be bothered picking their stuff up. It’s incredibly selfish to block a cubicle for 30-40 mins and expect everyone else to change on the poolside because you think you’ve bagsied the cubicle.

Where is this? I've never seen a changing room like that at any leisure centre.

So there is a row of cubicles in the middle of the changing room? Near the lockers?

No, the changing room consists of a row of cubicles against the wall. Like a clothes shop changing room. No communal area.

Have you never been to a swimming pool?

Well yes, It’s just a standard changing room in a large pool / leisure centre 🤷‍♀️not sure what’s hard to picture about it (not trying to be facetious I just don’t know how else to explain it, it’s a normal changing village in the UK 🤷‍♀️

It’s both weird and hilarious you’re having such a problem envisioning this!

Really? Thank you so much. I am beating myself up for shouting in front of the girls

Would you rather them see you being an utter wet lettuce and let someone abuse you? I've never been in your situation but I like to think I'd show my girls how it's important to stand up against someone being abusive and making false allegations.

Like this

Every changing room I have ever been to just has benches and is open-plan. The lockers are on the side of the room. I am surprised that some leisure centres have cubicles just for changing (and not just toilet cubicles).

Are the cubicles found in private luxury leisure centres? I guess any time I go to a leisure centre, it tends to be fairly standard public-owned facilities.

I've never seen anything like that.

Just a bog standard community leisure centre 🤷‍♀️

My small, local public pool has benches and about 6 cubicles.

You’ve done nothing wrong at all. This person sounds like they’re unstable. Your daughters were upset by the ridiculous way this person had been acting, the weirdo woman is shouting at you and falsely accusing you of something you haven’t done and not listening to reason. I think your protection instinct and the perfectly reasonable reaction to being falsely accused of theft justified you shouting back at this person.

As others have said your daughters saw you stand your ground and stand up for yourself. The fact the weirdo resorted to accusing you of racism unfortunately says much.

I’ve had a bit of drama at the health club I go to over the years. There are idiots everywhere. One of my worst was with a vile bloke sat by the poolside having a very loud conversation with his friend right next to him: he was pretty much shouting and effing and blinding every sentence. He wasn’t angry; just said fuck and the c-word every sentence (or at least that is what it sounded like). There were a few children around and I noticed one or two of the parents looking uncomfortable. I was in the pool at the time and politely piped up, “hi there, would you mind toning the language down a bit please; there are children around.”

Cue a complete overreaction from the bloke. “You shouldn’t be fucking listening in to my conversation.” I said it was hard to not overhear it seeing as he was shouting at the person next to him. His friend looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. The loud yob carried on swearing at me and repeating, “you shouldn’t be listening to other people, it’s rude.“ I laughed and said something like , “well I can see I’m wasting my time with a brain dead idiot.”
By this time someone else had plucked up the courage and pointed out everyone could hear him because of how loudly he was talking. He stormed off.

A few weeks later I saw the same guy giving the lady on reception at the time a hard time as I was in the gym. He was shouting at her and waving his hands around. I saw the manager asking him to leave. I later found out he’d been trying to come in after last entry and been told he couldn’t, so had accused the lady on reception of being racist for not letting him in!

Nope, every council leisure centre I have ever been in, from the 1980s to now, has had a standard changing village layout. Multiple different councils across the UK. Far better for parents with children, as they can all change together.

I have only seen open plan single sex communal changing rooms in gyms, and even then there are still usually cubicles if you want to use them.

Far better the child was in with OP. The child could have been in that cubicle on her own when the screaming lunatic started battering the door and shouting.

Yup. The one round my way is council owned.

Shuggles is describing what the council changing rooms round here used to be like. The newer changing villages are set up like this so that a parent of either sex can supervise both their boys and their girls in a private family only space.

Most ones at the swimming pools I’ve been to are like this, someone could just bang on the door. But I’ve been to gyms where they just have benches and changing areas but not cubicals.

You do not hammer on cubicle doors and basically try and break in, while loudly abusively accusing people of theft and racism.
She should've gone to the front desk about the jacket. Surely there would be CCTV of someone walking out with it? It's none of your concern either way. There would be signs up saying leave stuff anywhere at your own risk. If not, then she can try and get compensation from the pool for the jacket.
If I were you I'd make a complaint against her and ask them how they can manage such a situation more reasonably in future? It would put me off using them again if there's a chance a situation like that could arise.

you kept your cool longer than me
she would have had a smack in the face after raising her voice at me and trying to barge in

I'd MUCH rather you take my child into a family cubicle with you both as her friend's mum than make her change in view of anyone else there!

The only thing I'd have done differently is not open the door. I've seen too many people pushed/forced backwards etc and the confrontational person barge inside of slightly opened doors.

Same. But the cubicles very clearly state family use only. So the girl on her own would have had to go in with OP or expose her body to all and sundry, which these days can include women with a penis even in female changing rooms.

Surely you wouldn't really resort to physical violence, especially in front of children, however rude someone was?