Have you ever got so low that

[Dontknowwhattodo223]

You wished you would get a terminal illness? I would swap with someone who wants to live. I've also wondered if I could hire a hit man but for myself.

You need to make a GP appointment, or speak to a support charity. These feelings aren't usual.

:(

OP if you’re feeling like this right now please do try and reach out to someone in real life

I haven’t had the idea of wanting a terminal illness but I have had suicidal thoughts previously and weirdly found comfort in thinking about it in detail at some points

I’ve had quite a bit of therapy and I am still on anti depressants now but one I remember reading “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”, which sometimes helped me.

also a quote from a psychiatrist I was watching online “Don't underestimate the hole your absence would leave.

Each of us, we're remarkable creatures, and we have something to offer to the world.”

Yes I have and have reached out to GP

No, but I have done stupid things sometimes that could have gone wrong. I didn't really mean it though, even though I thought I did. Can you call someone, a friend, the Samaritans maybe? You sound like you need a hug, and someone trained to talk to.

Sorry you are feeling like this OP

There is always someone who can listen and help you

MIND

^https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/helping-yourself-now^

Samaritans

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

Hope things improve for you

GPs offer medication or counselling, both of which I have.

I don't really have anyone. If I tell my mum she says "sorry to hear that".

These feelings are usual. A lot of people like this. Especially people who have had the more difficult lives

Life is extremely tough. I've heard a couple of people tall about wanting to do euthanasia recently.

Yes, I looked into dignitas recently and how much it costs etc.

The Samaritans will listen and not judge. Please give them a call.

Hi OP, I totally understand what you mean.

I've had an extremely difficult life, and every single day I'm in a lot of mental pain from past severe trauma.

I find every day an extreme struggle to get through. If I could have a short life I'd honestly be happy. To get out of suffering

I was thinking about this recently. A woman that i know had a great life. She was very loved. She was really happy in her life, great husband, and had two little boys. She was the same age as me. She really wanted to live . She just recently died of breast cancer.

I do think about that, why did someone like her, who wanted to live, die.
And she had two young sons that needed her

And why am I still alive, when I don't particularly want to be alive and I don't have children or anyone that needs me?

I know it's random. But I understand what the OP means

This is exactly it, I'd have happily swapped with her.
When I see things about people living until 100 etc I think god that sounds awful. I'm in my 30s and even thinking about doing this for another year feels horrific.

It's definitely a struggle alright.

I felt like you during my teenage depression years and now unfortunately in my mid 30s I have a terminal illness. Believe me you don’t want to trade with me : there’s nothing in life that can compare to this. Whatever it is you’re going through you can get help and it will pass I promise. I would do anthing to live to 100 or even close to it. Don’t wish your life away please. Life is so beyond precious it’s untrue

People saying to go to therapy. I felt worse after going and I know that a lot of people do.

The first therapist I tried. I told him about my life , and he sighed and said "thats a lot of work".

The second therapist I went to, burst into tears, when I told her about my life.

The third one talked about herself mostly

I didn't get anything out of it. I stopped after three.

Im sorry to hear what youre going through. I really am.

But I disagree. How is life precious for people who have gone through extreme abuse?

Its too hard for them to be in endless mental suffering every single day.

For example I knew a woman who was raped by her stepfather every week since she was 7 until age 12.

She was destroyed. She could never get over it. She committed suicide.

I'm really sorry for what you are going through.
Having been in extreme emotional pain and distress for 20 years, I don't feel like life is precious.
Your feelings are valid but so are mine.

I've had so many therapists I can't even count. I understand what you're saying though because I had one say to me "you never really stood a chance, did you?"

Oh 100% all feelings are valid but all I’m saying is don’t wish yourself in my shoes because once you’re there you can’t go back. Please get all the help offered to you

Yeah the therapists get overwhelmed by really traumatic stories. Some of them can't even handle hearing the stories, let alone help.

I honestly disagree. I feel like I am being tortured every single day and I have done for years. I'd welcome that it will end soon and I wouldn't have to do another 50 years of this absolute hell.

Someone in her forties was saying to me only last week, that she wanted to do euthanasia.

I do think that it should be more available.

If people are suffering terribly, and their
trauma is too much, we should be humane, and give them a way to die safely and painlessly

I've been feeling like this for the last year or so. I've already spoken to a doctor. Was given an increase in meds and HRT. Hasn't really done much.

I do access the help and have tried all sorts of different help, it just doesn't help.

Did you have a very difficult upbringing @Dontknowwhattodo223 ?

Because I did. And i feel the same as you.