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Original poster

Have you ever got so low that

84 replies

Dontknowwhattodo223 · 27/10/2024 23:00

You wished you would get a terminal illness? I would swap with someone who wants to live. I've also wondered if I could hire a hit man but for myself.

OP posts:
pookieanna1 · 27/10/2024 23:41

violentovulation · 27/10/2024 23:38

I've been feeling like this for the last year or so. I've already spoken to a doctor. Was given an increase in meds and HRT. Hasn't really done much.

I send you a hug.

Finetoday · 27/10/2024 23:43

I hear that someone has died and my first thought is lucky thing. That’s weird isn’t it.

pookieanna1 · 27/10/2024 23:44

Finetoday · 27/10/2024 23:43

I hear that someone has died and my first thought is lucky thing. That’s weird isn’t it.

No I don't think it's weird.

Life can be extremely difficult.

People don't want to suffer.

Original poster
Dontknowwhattodo223 · 27/10/2024 23:45

pookieanna1 · 27/10/2024 23:40

Did you have a very difficult upbringing @Dontknowwhattodo223 ?

Because I did. And i feel the same as you.

Show quote history

Yes, although not the worst. One with lots of emotional instability and mental health issues around me, addition/dependence, conflict. Responsibility for emotionally supporting my parents from a very young age. I wasn't protected from difficult things going on around me in my family.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontknowwhattodo223 · 27/10/2024 23:45

Finetoday · 27/10/2024 23:43

I hear that someone has died and my first thought is lucky thing. That’s weird isn’t it.

No, I completely understand this.

OP posts:
pookieanna1 · 27/10/2024 23:47

Dontknowwhattodo223 · 27/10/2024 23:45

Yes, although not the worst. One with lots of emotional instability and mental health issues around me, addition/dependence, conflict. Responsibility for emotionally supporting my parents from a very young age. I wasn't protected from difficult things going on around me in my family.

Show quote history

Yes a bad childhood leads into all sorts of issues.

As a child when you are vulnerable and you need stability, if you don't get it, you lose value of your self. People see themselves as not worth a lot.

The people that I know who are struggling the most as adults, had very unstable childhoods.

Original poster
Dontknowwhattodo223 · 27/10/2024 23:49

pookieanna1 · 27/10/2024 23:47

Yes a bad childhood leads into all sorts of issues.

As a child when you are vulnerable and you need stability, if you don't get it, you lose value of your self. People see themselves as not worth a lot.

The people that I know who are struggling the most as adults, had very unstable childhoods.

Show quote history

I wasn't abused or neglected (although did go through a period where my parent refused to cook for us) so sometimes I feel like I don't really have the right to feel like my childhood wasn't great.

OP posts:
bringmorewashing · 27/10/2024 23:49

I haven't had these exact thoughts no, but I have been struggling with PND and.my mind has gone to some dark places recently which I thought I'd left behind in my teens. Trauma never really leaves you, it's a lifelong struggle. And it's not as if ypu can just fix it by going to the GP... I've had several rounds of counselling, all unhelpful to say the least. I'm sorry and I truly hope things get better for you.

pookieanna1 · 27/10/2024 23:51

bringmorewashing · 27/10/2024 23:49

I haven't had these exact thoughts no, but I have been struggling with PND and.my mind has gone to some dark places recently which I thought I'd left behind in my teens. Trauma never really leaves you, it's a lifelong struggle. And it's not as if ypu can just fix it by going to the GP... I've had several rounds of counselling, all unhelpful to say the least. I'm sorry and I truly hope things get better for you.

Yes but you said you had to emotionally support your parents from a young age.

I'm my opinion- that is abuse.

I remember that my mother used to tell me all her problems when I was only about 7

And I was too young to hear them.

She wasn't like a mother to me when i was that age. She wanted me , the child, to support her.

I think a lot of parents can use their children - like an emotional crutch.

pookieanna1 · 27/10/2024 23:52

bringmorewashing · 27/10/2024 23:49

I haven't had these exact thoughts no, but I have been struggling with PND and.my mind has gone to some dark places recently which I thought I'd left behind in my teens. Trauma never really leaves you, it's a lifelong struggle. And it's not as if ypu can just fix it by going to the GP... I've had several rounds of counselling, all unhelpful to say the least. I'm sorry and I truly hope things get better for you.

I send you a hug too

yeaitsmeagain · 27/10/2024 23:52

Yup been exactly there. And the people telling you to see a GP, get referred, try medication, try mindfulness, try therapy, try CBT, call a charity, and all that crap aren't helping, as if someone you magically haven't thought or tried all those things a million times.

It's not a broken leg, you can't "fix" it with xyz solution. I've tried everything as well, and most of it made me worse, especially the medications.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 28/10/2024 00:01

Is there anything you would like to tell us or talk about@Dontknowwhattodo223 ? Do you feel like anything would help? Moving areas, jobs, nearer or further certain people?

Tittat50 · 28/10/2024 00:01

Aww OP, yes, I feel like this often.

Your childhood sounds like it could have been more abusive than you realise. It was only years of counselling that made me realise how terrible the dysfunction in mine was. I think it really can contribute to later problems.

I have a multitude of very severe health conditions. I don't think the way I had to grow up helped in preventing their development.

I see someone healthy, full of life and think why am I sat here like a rotting sofa dwelling sloth who can't function at all but probably won't bloody die and that poor person wanted to live so much and just died like that. It makes no sense does it.

Do love the Samaritan bless them. There are some really beautiful souls who won't lecture you at all if you were to say I just want out sometimes.

💐

Beaniebeemer · 28/10/2024 00:14

This has really resonated me with. I don’t really have alot of add but I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling like this.

As someone quoted above. It’s virtually impossible to get over trauma.

cranewife · 28/10/2024 00:15

I’m sorry OP. It’s a horrible way to feel. I can relate.
I’ve also thought it might be nice because people would actually (pretend to) care for a little while.

Starfish89 · 28/10/2024 00:15

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I don't wish for a terminal illness, but I do sometimes wish I could just have never existed. That way, nobody would be hurt by my passing.

I don't really understand why people have children. I don't see life as a great gift. Fair enough, it can have nice moments, but most of it is just drudgery with periods of extreme sadness and suffering thrown in (like when people we love pass). I certainly wouldn't have signed up for life if I had been given the choice. I would have found the concept scary and said no thanks, I will stay as I am - just not existing. I was perfectly peaceful and happy for the thousands upon thousands of years I did not exist!

BarshMarton · 28/10/2024 00:17

Dontknowwhattodo223 · 27/10/2024 23:00

You wished you would get a terminal illness? I would swap with someone who wants to live. I've also wondered if I could hire a hit man but for myself.

I often go to bed hoping I'll die in my sleep. Sometimes I get heartburn and I'm disappointed when it isn't a heart attack. If I could think of a quick, painless way to die that wasn't scary, I'd blink out in a heart beat.

So no, you're not alone.

pookieanna1 · 28/10/2024 00:22

I'm very tired of life .

Calmomiletea · 28/10/2024 00:23

I'd recommend you seek out the One True and Living God.

He says: 'seek and you shall find'. That's a promise. I did, and it turned out to be true - I'm now 25 years a born-again Christian.
Read John 4.

pookieanna1 · 28/10/2024 00:24

Calmomiletea · 28/10/2024 00:23

I'd recommend you seek out the One True and Living God.

He says: 'seek and you shall find'. That's a promise. I did, and it turned out to be true - I'm now 25 years a born-again Christian.
Read John 4.

He hasn't helped me in any way.

I'm not religious usually . I wasn't brought up in any religion.

But in my suffering sometimes I have prayed

"please God can you ease my suffering in any way".

He doesn't seem to have done much.

Maybe he will do something in the future

Justanotherusername27 · 28/10/2024 00:29

When my mum died in March I just wanted to die too. I just thought might as well, I’ve lost the one person who might not always know what to say, but wanted the best for me more than anyone. (I have 2 kids too which is awful). But I’m going to be honest with you, and this is coming from someone who has MH/trauma etc prior to losing my mum. We are privileged to be here. It’s a privilege to live in a western society where we are not bombed, we generally have access to food/ water/ healthcare and support. In the thousands of years humans have been here we are the luckiest. We have opportunities that people wouldn’t have dreamed of 100 years ago. Everytime I feel low or that I’ve had enough I remind myself of that and ask myself who do I want to be in 5 years and try push myself to that. Life can be so so painful but it can also be so wonderful. Try change the lenses x

BobbyBiscuits · 28/10/2024 00:31

Terminal illness doesn't mean you'll die soon, it just means your life will be really painful and get more and more unpleasant for potentially many years. Please try and see a doctor. Or call the charity Mind. You could find relief with therapy and medication. Life can get better.

pookieanna1 · 28/10/2024 00:33

Justanotherusername27 · 28/10/2024 00:29

When my mum died in March I just wanted to die too. I just thought might as well, I’ve lost the one person who might not always know what to say, but wanted the best for me more than anyone. (I have 2 kids too which is awful). But I’m going to be honest with you, and this is coming from someone who has MH/trauma etc prior to losing my mum. We are privileged to be here. It’s a privilege to live in a western society where we are not bombed, we generally have access to food/ water/ healthcare and support. In the thousands of years humans have been here we are the luckiest. We have opportunities that people wouldn’t have dreamed of 100 years ago. Everytime I feel low or that I’ve had enough I remind myself of that and ask myself who do I want to be in 5 years and try push myself to that. Life can be so so painful but it can also be so wonderful. Try change the lenses x

I completely disagree.

I've seenpeople in extreme, extreme emotional and mental pain. A lot of people suffer from early childhood sexual abuse.

One of the women said to me that she wanted to take her own life, but she was afraid to try as she didn't want to attempt suicide, not succeed properly, and leave herself badly brain damaged.

Suicide is an extremely painful way to die usually.

We should have access to safe euthanasia in this country. Where people can get a safe and painless way to die. It should be a human right.

Other countries are way more advanced in Euthanasia, than the UK is

Momtotwokids · 28/10/2024 00:35

Ponoka7 · 27/10/2024 23:06

You need to make a GP appointment, or speak to a support charity. These feelings aren't usual.

I agree. People get down but this more than mild blues.

pookieanna1 · 28/10/2024 00:35

BobbyBiscuits · 28/10/2024 00:31

Terminal illness doesn't mean you'll die soon, it just means your life will be really painful and get more and more unpleasant for potentially many years. Please try and see a doctor. Or call the charity Mind. You could find relief with therapy and medication. Life can get better.

If someone wants to die. Why should they be forced to live ?