AIBU to feel I should have been invited? ***edit by MNHQ to say this is a reverse***

[checkeredboards]

I get along well with my in-laws and I always feel included and part of the family. We live about 3 hours away from my family and about 20 minutes away from my PILs. We have a great marriage. Been married for 8 years now. I recently had my PILs and SIL over for cake for my husband's 30th birthday. Well MIL presented him with concert tickets for his birthday and said out loud, "I bought you, your dad, me, and your younger sister concert tickets so we can all go see this band that we all love together in concert yayy." I'm thinking in my head MIL prob just forgot to mention me by name because surely there's no way his mum forgot to include me in this as I would be the only family member left out and we don't have a rocky relationship we get along very well and it would be way out of character for her. But nope she didn't include me. She went on to say how excited she was to do this for the four of them.

My husband was like thanks mum I'm super excited. Which I was pretty pissed at him that he right away didn't stand by me and immediately ask what about my wife. I told him later on that I was pretty pissed because I felt like it's one thing for his parents not to think of and include me but it's a whole other layer of hurt when husband doesn't even think of me. I couldn't help myself and muttered pretty loudly so I could make sure they heard, "thanks for including and thinking of your son's closest family member you know his wife the woman he married." I mentioned that this is very clearly a celebration centered around the four of them and I was going to leave them to it. His mom said how of course I'm part of the celebration and I said well right now it doesn't really feel like I'm part of it. That's the time I felt like my husband should have supported me. I'm the one he married and lives with. He just stood there like a dumb man shrugging his shoulders. Not literally speaking but figuratively speaking.

I felt like if they couldn't afford 5 concert tickets ok fine but there was so many ways around that where I wasn't completely left out. They could have given my husband money towards the concert ticket based on what they could afford and said, "hey for your birthday I want to go to a concert as a family please put this money towards you and your wife's concert ticket." Or they could have made it just a mother son night or a father son not that way not everyone in the family is included but his own wife! Especially like I said this is sooo out of character because his parents are not the type at all to not consider others feelings or how things may look or come across.

AIBU to feel hurt and left out by the actions of my MIL and also even more hurt that my husband wasn't immediately like what the hell what about my wife? I mention MIL specifically because I know she is the present buyer for the family and she is the one who presented the tickets during the celebration. If FIL was the one who bought the family presents and presented the tickets I would have said him instead of MIL.

I feel like MIL was going back in time where their family was just the four of them but now her son is married and family functions should include his wife.

2/3 of men marry their "mother".

Reverse or no reverse, this poor man has two crazies in his life. He's never going to have moment's peace.

It's worth thinking about whether you'd like the band but otherwise, I'd be livid. Partly with such a selfish MIL and partly with such a useless DH.

It must be a reverse too.

Neither can I. My late MIL would not have done this. She’d have included me. And she certainly wouldn’t have said at DH”s birthday celebration that she had booked something just for him and his parents. Of course he visited them alone occasionally and they did things as a family then, but she would not have excluded me from a birthday celebration.

@checkeredboards so if you really are the mil then you are horrible!! your son and his wife are a family. you are now just the extended family. if they give you time then you are lucky. the dil is not abusing your son, only you thinks that. she is not controlling your son but you are trying to control him!!. your son is eventually going to see the harm that you are doing to his marriage and will most likely decide he has had enough of your awful entitled behaviour!!! you manipulate your son and the situation by buying tickets for four and not including dil!! beware of the future!! I have always been on the side of the dil!! times change and he has moved out of your home!!

This post says it all!
I don’t get how ppl are so fixated on “dh can be with fam”, of course he can. But why should mil cut dil out of her dh birthday? It’s awful! She certainly should have checked no plans on that day despite others saying mil doesn’t need dil permission. No, but why cause upset? Dh will have to choose between wife’s and mums plans and he should choose wife.

Just how horrible is this. Dont know what to believe here. Originally I felt it a bit off you were excluded particularly as you insisted your mil was loving to you. But now you say you are the mil.
I am sorry for your son. Fwiw with my inlaws I was a little fish in a pool of sharks so this nonsense strikes a painful chord.

I don’t think is a reverse. I think posters have managed to link all of OPs threads and she comes off as a controlling freak, so she’s now trying to get people on board by using the MIL’s perspective.

For whatever reasons that only OP can verbalise, she has a desperate need to be numero uno in every aspect of her husband’s life and the only people left who have a ‘hold’ on him is his own family.

If every single moment with his family warrants a thread, imagine the drama in her household. She’s pushing him away and the truth op is if you don’t change, your marriage is doomed.

Reverses are such bollocks

Yes, I think they should have invited you BUT don't blame your husband and don't ruin his birthday or the event over it.

Time to put your big girl's pants on and suck it up, I'm afraid.

Whether this is a reverse, or not, I think the way in which the concert tickets were delivered was rather horrible.
I would also find it odd to be given 4 tickets to something as a gift to me, at the same time as being told who the other guests were and that my spouse definitely wasn’t included. That wouldn’t feel like the gift was actually for me. It would be quite different if I was just being invited along to something and had the option to decide about going.

My husband didn’t like to meet up with his family without me as he didn’t like the dynamics with his siblings and parents together. He thought everyone behaved better when I was present and that it made for a more pleasant experience for him. It isn’t necessarily because a DIL is being controlling that they are there.

when I make it clear that I want it to be centered around just the 4 of us like when my children were little
he is 30, you really need therapy if this is how you think, it's very very odd.

Harsh and extreme response!
And you sound like an overbearing MIL,stating that if you were his mother, you wouldn't be getting married?
Are you serious?

And also against talk guidelines...

• "No trolling, misleading or deliberately inflammatory behaviour"

I've reported anyway.

Thanks, just read up the updates. Both bloody bonkers.
But can't see why husband and wife have to be joined at the hip.

My god, if your DS heard you talking about his wife like this, after all the attempts at freezing her out of your family unit, i'd bet he would step WAAAY back from you.

If you don't stop being such a bitch to her, you will lose him, you know this right?

I sincerely hope you have your elder care all nailed down with no input from your kids. there is not a chance in hell they will do any of the heavy lifting for you seeing how you treat their partners.

they are not, but he wants to celebrate his birthday with ALL his family, his mum/dad etc AND his wife. It's not that hard a think.

I don’t believe for a second that it was a reverse.

Someone else has probably already said it, but I think we'd all be dead by the end of her second post!

I take back the shut up, it’s not about you etc. as you’re the MIL not DIL. Your DIL does sound insufferable but your son needs to grow a backbone.

Enjoy the concert and don’t let DIL ruin everything. Smart move on the advanced purchase!

God I’m exhausted

Read the room. You’re in the absolute minority here…

Are you saying that if the majority of posters agree or disagree with the OP, no dissenting opinions can be allowed?

As this was a reverse, some of the things that the OP kept saying to the posters on here, e.g. 'but I'm his wife', which resulted in many posters mocking the OP, didn't actually come from the DIL at all.

The description of some of the DIL's more extreme behaviour, has actually come from her MIL, not the DIL herself so can be taken with a pinch of salt.

The DIL may be possessive and needy, but so is the MIL who also sounds like a bit of a cunt.

This is the problem with reverse threads. You actually don't have any idea what is going on in her head. You describe her variously as a a nice girl, sweet etc and then come out with this doozy once you have taken your mask off. You don't like her because she married your precious son and he puts her first, as he should.

As one of the few people early on in this thread who said the MIL should not have announced this as she did, I am not particularly surprised to discover that OP is the MIL. She has posted a nasty post, creating an image of her DIL as controlling to vindicate herself. I think I know who the controlling one here actually is. Poor woman having you as her MIL.