Arguing with an old lady

[MrsTurner3]

I was at an old run down shopping centre today. I had my 4 year old walking and my 1 year old in the buggy and needed to get the only working lift so I stood waiting for about 5 minutes for it for to up and down past my floor several times before it finally stopped for us. I had noticed an old (70s ish) lady stood waiting behind us and as the lift stopped and everyone piled out she edged her way around us to be first outside the door.

I should say here that I hate people who jump queues and think they are entitled to things more than other people. It's a big peeve of mine.

I just knew she was making her way to get in there first so I started pushing the buggy towards the lift and she turned around and said " Are you going up or down?" I said down (I'd pressed the down button outside). And she said "Oh well I'm going up, so we will go up first, and then you can go down". I was annoyed and replied "Well no, since I've been waiting longer we will go down first and then you can go up." She got in the lift and pressed the button for her floor and then said "Oh look, my floor has already been pressed by someone." She had a smug smile on her face.

Maybe I need some therapy to understand why people being smug and entitled triggers me so much - anyway as I'm getting into the lift I blurted out "You are so rude you know. First you push in front of me, then you tell me I have to wait for you to go to your floor and then I can go to mine, then you blatantly lie to get your own way and look really happy about it". She said that when I get to her age I will understand and I said something along the lines of "Just because you are old, it doesn't entitle you to get your own way and do whatever you want". She got out of the lift and laughed at me and walked off.

I wish I had kept my cool. I had to explain to my 4 year old that mummy was standing up to someone being rude and trying to get their own way, but I think the message of "don't be a pushover" will have been lost to the image of me just arguing with an old lady.

I know I could have done better, but am I totally unreasonable for not wanting to be a people pleasing pushover and for actually standing up to people, regardless of their age? If she had been feeling unwell or looked infirm and at least asked if we could go to her floor first rather than tell me, I'd more than likely have said yes.

Yes I saw that that comment was part of your story.
I suspect however she would be rude regardless of age.

You don't need to 'stand up for yourself' about who gets in a lift first or which floor you go to first OP. Standing up for yourself is for things that actually matter. Going at an elderly woman for a bit of petty selfishness doesn't fall into that category and you're right, wasn't great in front of your DC. Assertiveness is an excellent thing to aspire to, but truly assertive people tend to pick their battles. Going for the soft option and challenging someone weaker than you over something so trivial is getting closer to aggression than assertiveness.

She sounds like a smug git but you gave as good as you got op. Let it go now.

Cos it's yet another elderly bashing thread.

People have lost all sense of being gracious to one another. The older lady 'started it' in this instance and then the OP carried it on, achieving nothing but bad feeling. I could understand if this was some matter of great magnitude, but it's a few minutes extra in a lift. Neither party has shown themselves in a very good light here.

I think it is, but the OP has ensured she included the lady's comment so that it looks less like one. It won't stop the elderly bashing replies of course.

I'm her age. I wouldn't have behaved like that

And this way madness lies 🙄

Some people of any age are entitled.

Yes that is also true. Thankfully not all old people are like it

Well I once had the exact same situation, apart from the lady told me I wasn't to get in the lift because she was going all the way up to the top floor. I only had one floor to go, which was the ground floor. I had my baby in the pram. I told her she was rude and she still didn't let me in the lift.

I think it was an unnecessary confrontation.
People get in, people press buttons and in any case often lifts don't even follow the sequence and just choose themselves which to do first !

Yes im dreading is but I hopefully won't behave like the old lady did in the op

Ah yes, never get angry with these people. In your situation, I would have smiled and pressed all of the buttons for every floor prior to their floor and announce to the kids that we're on a special ride. Bonus points for singing a nursery rhyme loudly for the whole time.

Same here. It's nothing to do with age. There have always been selfish, rude and inconsiderate people of all ages.

I agree with this - especially if you had children with you. I think children are exposed to too much aggression over non-issues these days. It’s important to stand up for yourself, but save it for when it really matters. Life presents enough minor annoyances and it’s a short road to becoming abrasive and volatile if you give in to the temptation every tine - and this applies a fortiori for Dc learning to navigate. I do have a well-developed Paddington hard stare however which is easily deployed without my children even being aware.

To be honest it’s fashionable to think Dc benefit from seeing their parents take people on, but I think conflict stresses children . I try to save it for when it’s necessary though sometimes my DH csn put my restraint in the face of petty issues to the test !

Cheeky old cow! Some old people are so entitled

Miss out the two 'olds' in that response and it is accurate. Her age is a total irrelevance. I imagine she has been rude and entitled her whole life, at some point she has been a rude young person and a rude middle aged person.

It's a pity some posters always like to turn these type of posts into an excuse for attacking older people, and reinforcing stereotypes. If you substituted a word for any other group of people instead of 'old' people word rightly be up in arms and call you a bigot. But because your bigotry is directed at the elderly it seems they are fair game.
I am older, I am not rude to people, I am kind, I never jump queues, I would offer a mother with a pushchair and a toddler to go in front of me into a lift, I have helped people with pushchairs up and down steps (often when younger more able bodied folk are ignoring them).

I've encountered some phenomenally rude and entitled behaviour from young people, and also plenty of delightful behaviour. As I have from all age groups. I understand the concept of all people being different, so I don't judge peoples behaviour by their age, but just by whether it is good or bad.

With respect OP this is really ageist.

I'm in my early 70s and I wouldn't dream of behaving like that. I wouldn't have behaved like that at any stage in my life.

I come across many many rude people of all ages. And, to be fair some, though not enough, good mannered people of all ages. Some of the good mannered people, shock horror, are even old people.

It's not to do with age. It's to do with knowing how to behave.

@AmyDudley great post.

Me too, pettiness can be very therapeutic.

I'd say two things

• be careful of assuming anything here - eg. she was smug or similar. It maybe her way of dealing with a confrontation. Some people look like they are managing a confrontation fine but find it terrifying, cope with putting on a front and go home and cry.
• for all you know, she may have had a disability that was not obvious for example able to move but finds standing still difficult, pain from arthritis and so on. It maybe that she didn't want to disclose this to any stranger especially one indicating she was confrontational. It's perfectly possible that an elderly person's need to use a lift more quickly may be greater than a healthy young person with a child in a buggy who is fit to stand.

Of course none of this may apply here, but a bit of open mindedness may help you if you find yourself having a temper loss in this sort of situation regularly. It may very well be exactly what she meant by you will understand when you are older, she may be in pain.

You need help for your anger issues! There was only you and her waiting to get in - it really doent matter who got in first and if doesnt matter who pushes the button first. (Older lifts usually operate on a very simple sysyem wherebythey continue in their direction of travel until they reach the furthest floor that has been requested,
By telling you she wanted to go up first it seems to me she was telling you she had difficulty standing! I think anybody less selfabsorbed would have picked up on that

I was in my local M & S with my dh and we decided to buy a sandwich as well as our shopping . We went to the display and spoke about which one to get.
An older women noticed our accents were not of the area ( we've lived her 15 years ) and she started moaning at us for moving to the area buying houses , filling up schools , and taking over the area .
For reference , it's an industrial town so not a pretty village and we moved here because of a skills shortage for my dh profession .

I mean, to provide context I had to say how old I thought she was, as she herself had used her age as an excuse for her actions and as a reason why I shouldn't confront her. I don't see age as an excuse for rude behaviour, but she did. If that's me being ageist then so be it.

Good for you for standing up for yourself, but I'm afraid you probably gave the horrible woman the reaction she was asking for. I'd have done the same though!
I can't stand people who use their age as an excuse to be rude.