To have frugality fatigue. (Cost of living.)

[KnopkaPixie]

Just that really. To do so well with finances for nearly a month then get an unexpected expense out of left field, pretending that lentil dahl is absolutely delicious, to have signed up to do surveys on YouGov and the rest and have made sod all, can't work any more hours, can't cut costs any more, can't claim anything off the state and to be kicking myself for not saving more when I had the chance. Just a moan really.

I never wanted to be that kind of miserable gît that resents every penny or knows, "The cost of everything but the value of nothing" But that's the way the value brand cookie is not crumbling right now.

Perhaps a bit woo but sometimes I wonder whether a real poverty mindset becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and perhaps a more speculate to accumulate mentality might do me better? Not any manifesting flapdoodle but just an idle thought.

It is ok to feel fatigue. Life is not fair. Poverty is soul destroying. It takes your happiness piece by piece.

I will offer you handhold.

I've been up since 2.30am with gut wrenching, heart thumping anxiety over money. I've been endlessly looking at how to feed a family of 4 on a budget, but even those written in 2022 are ridiculously out of date. I cannot get over how much everything has risen in price.

I read a ' How to feed your family of 4 for £50 a week' article, written in 2019... it was like reading one of those comedy posts of 'look how cheap life was in the eighties/nineties'.

We have two children. I cook from scratch, but I feel like 75% of our meals are just the cheapest possible pasta with a little crap meat (no organic/ pasture fed/free range here) and as many vegetables as I can afford that week.

With rising rates of bowel cancer etc, I do worry how all these processed stodgy carbs are affecting my kids long term.

We both work full time, petrol is killing us as we are rural, I'm dreading the budget and the rise in commuting costs (no chance of wfh). We have a budget for food and it just seems to be getting smaller and we seem to be getting less for each pound.

Urgh. I am so tired, yet I can't sleep. I'm so sad my children get this version of me. My (stay at home) mother was so lovely and definitely never snapped at her children for over pouring milk or wanting seconds.
I have started to eat very slowly so that my children can see that I have food, but I can claim to be full half way through so they can dig in to my plate if still hungry.

I'm definitely not having a wobbly lip moment writing this, and I'm definitely not crying.

But we are lucky. We are healthy and we have a somewhat crumbling roof over our head. I feel bad for having a wobble, as our children are probably blissfully unaware of their DM trying to balance the books without everything toppling.
They are fed, they are (secondhandedly) clothed and they are happy.
I'm just so tired of worrying about things that may or may not happen and not being able to plan for them if they do!

I was going to defend dal but I see that already took a predictable turn so shall refrain. (I live in Asia and eat it three or four times a week but that's out of choice so different.)

I have been there although I found it was the fear not the crapness that really got me.

@glindathegoodbitch pasta isn't a processed stodgy carb and it won't give your kids bowel cancer. It's fine. Far better than commercial bread etc. It sounds like you're doing well with what you have got to work with. I'm so sorry things are so hard.

Have you thought about moving abroad ?

I have a traditionally well paid job as does my husband, but we aren’t thriving at all. Like you I look back 15 years ago and thinking about the disposable income/lifestyle I had and think wtf happened!

We plan to leave for the Gulf or America in the next 5 years.

I get it. My dc can't remember me pushing the buggy into the green grocers and asking for "old veg for the guinea pigs."
After trimming off the yellow, mushy or black bits, the dc got a fresh veg soup.

All those years felt like I had been given a sentence to serve but not told how long it would last. Awful.

At the levels of poverty some of you are describing, I’m amazed you don’t qualify for benefits, especially with children.

Is anyone willing to share their income and why they don’t qualify?

Also, sorry to mention the ‘d’ word, but there are a million other cheap meals than dal. Why does everyone feel the need to eat only this?

How are you making your tarka dhal? This is my grandma's authentic recipe.

Make the dhal plain with salt, stock cube (optional), a bayleaf and 1 small tsp of turmeric.

In a medium separate frying pan, heat oil quite hot then add 1 medium sliced onion until soft. Then add sliced ginger & garlic or paste & fry off for a few minutes.

Add a splash of oil if it dries out. Add 1tsp each of cumin, coriander & dried or fresh Chillies. Cook for a few minutes.

Then add preferably 2/3 diced tomatoes or 1 small tin of tinned tomatoes to the onions & fry until the tomatoes are soft.

Pour some of the dhal to the pan & mix thoroughly & then transfer back to the main dhal pan.

Deglaze the frying pan with a bit of water & add to the dhal.

Serve with plain rice & steamed vegetables.

I’m in the US, it’s just as bad here. The company I work for has posted record profits, but our pay rise was approximately $4 a week. Our CEO gets paid more per hour than I make in a year. I’m not in my company’s health insurance or pension scheme because I can’t afford it. They’re touted as ‘benefits’ when you join, but the amount you have to pay is prohibitively expensive- only one of my immediate colleagues is in it. I have some coverage through my husband’s employer but if he loses his job we are completely screwed.

Petrol is thankfully fairly cheap, as the bus system is non existent, but our insurance just went up $100 a month. Food is horrendously expensive- a single bag of groceries is now over $80, for milk, bread, eggs, pasta, rice etc- just the basics. Utility bills have all gone up, and we are restricted to one provider, so no shopping around.

On top of that, I am seriously worried about the election. If Trump gets in, I think we’ll have to look into trying to move back to the UK.

Wouldn't your GP be able to prescribe them?

I think this puts it into perspective.

I am thankful I don’t live in the US because of the healthcare system. As crumbling as our NHS is, at least I know if there is something seriously wrong with me I don’t have to worry about how much it will cost.

I think it’s also important to remember that, no matter how much you’re struggling, in global terms you are NOT poor.

Even in historical terms in the UK, you are NOT poor.

I’ve been very short of money, comfortable, quite well off and everything in between so I do get it, but there’s definitely a whiff of martyrdom in some of these posts.

I'd hate to be you. Seriously, how does it feel? You must have a lot of hate inside.

It's fecking crap living like this. I was in the same boat years ago, retired now thank god. Crap wages went in and wiped out immediately. My 2 kids went to their dads every weekend and he had plenty so I knew they were fed. One weekend I had 1 potato left so I made it into a handful of chips. I got a 2nd job at night, that helped slightly. Sorry I have no advice but totally sympathise with everyone struggling, it's so unfair.

https://olioapp.com/en/

if you have the time and think you are anaemic ask your GP for a full blood count. They can issue you with a prescription for iron.

If you don’t have the time you can ask the pharmacist for Ferrous sulfate 200mg tablets over the counter they cost less than £1.50 for a months supply. I have done both and now just get them over the counter and get a blood test every 3 months to check my levels.

I agree with you it does get very tiring.

I've been in a similar space for about 5 years though it's improved massively in the last year.

What helped was qualification in a better paid role. I did a degree whilst working night and it's started to pay off.

I do still struggle and yeah it's hard. But I've found some things helped. Namly downsizing my home has helped hugely, for context I had to anyway as I divorced but the running of a bigger home was horrendous in the last 2 years. I have halved the size of my house and much happier. Everything is cheaper. And I moved to a cheaper area outside of the south east, this also helped. I have 4 children so I have to be somewhere affordable for the foreseeable. It's been a good thing for us.

The above 2 are big decisions I know but some smaller day to day things helped as well. For Christmas and birthdays buy kids things they needs like fun toothbrushes, nice shower gels and body washes, shampoo sets etc. This helps during the year as I'm not replacing loads. Stocking are also filled with socks, underwear and stationary type things that they need and some books.

I use the cheap washing powder from Lidl or Poundland and pop a handful of scent booster in. The scent booster bottles last ages and the clothes come out clean and is cheaper than buying branded powders. Cleaning stuff I have polish, reusable washable clothes and then washing up liquid and bleach. I have a spray bottle which I put bleach and water in to make a spray. Saves my keep buying it.

I use bar soap instead of shower gel and hand wash. Much cheaper.

Clothes and other stuff is mostly second hand which I prefer as it's unique. When I moved I bought stuff off market place with some great results.i do buy new school uniform though.

Learn to do jobs round the house yourself rather than pay someone to come and do for you you.

I drive an old car that isn't on finance, I feel trapped by debt

Hobbies for us is walks in the beautiful countryside where we have moved to with our dogs. A trip to the library. We are much happier here than when we were struggling in the old place.

My 15 year plan is when the kids have left home again I will move another county to see out the last bit. Houses are cheaper and it's more pretty, Norfolk or Lincolnshire.

Dhal is great but boring. We have a lot of the same meals, beans on toast, chickpea curry, egg and bacon on toast or pastas it's shit but more than some have. Keep going it won't always be this way. Diet is one thing I struggle with as obvs give the kids all the fruit so my diet is limited to frozen veg and two bananas as they are the cheapest.

I hear you OP. I’ve been there and even though I still have to budget now it’s not as bad as I’ve had in the past. There were times when I was looking under sofa cushions and going through all my pockets to try and get a bit more cash.

One of the things that really annoys me on MN is when people command you should always have contingency money for home repairs, like it’s a stable amount that’s always going to get repleted. I have zero because it’s been used in the past and I can’t replace it.

Oh no! This is terrible, I really feel for you. Have you tried including lentils and also rice in your meals? They are filling and nutritious and good for you! Use frozen veg, lasts longer and less likely to get spoilt. I suggest buying a big bag of rice and lentils. While 10kgs of rice might be costly it will last about 6 months for a family of 4, maybe longer depending on portion size. I am asian and I cook everything from scratch, I find if I make rice, lentils, 1kg of chicken (I use chicken thighs), and a vegetable like green beans. It lasts us 2-3 meals. We are a family of 4 with primary school aged kids. So the meal is filling but also balanced as there is protein, rice, lentils and veg in every meal. Also cooking meat into curries makes it go longer. I work full time so don’t have time to cook daily. I usually cook on sundays to last till wed. Then cook again on wed to last till friday.

I hear you, OP. The sheer mental drudgery of having to watch every penny really grinds you down after a while. There's no spare money for the occasional treat to lift you back up again and you're constantly anxious that something essential will break and you won't have the money to repair or replace it.

Hopefully, you won't have another expensive left field event for a long time, and things will improve for you.

That's really helpful, do you feel better now? I'm sure people realise that objectively we are very fortunate in this country, but that doesn't feed your family or pay for utilities etc. Ah don't worry son, fuck all to eat for dinner tonight and we can't afford the heating on, but don't worry because some people abroad have it even worse.

I don't read any martyrdom, just people worried about how to pay for the basics.

There were times when I was looking under sofa cushions and going through all my pockets to try and get a bit more cash.

I sometimes used to shake all the clothes in the wardrobe in the hope of hearing jingling and finding some loose change in a pocket.

The day I put on a jacket I hadn't worn for ages and found a fiver in one of the pockets felt like Christmas. It was the early 1980s, when you could have a decent night out on £5, so probably like finding £50+ now.

Would you not add fresh ginger and onion)

Yougov takes ages to get the money. I am about half way!