To have frugality fatigue. (Cost of living.)

[KnopkaPixie]

Just that really. To do so well with finances for nearly a month then get an unexpected expense out of left field, pretending that lentil dahl is absolutely delicious, to have signed up to do surveys on YouGov and the rest and have made sod all, can't work any more hours, can't cut costs any more, can't claim anything off the state and to be kicking myself for not saving more when I had the chance. Just a moan really.

I never wanted to be that kind of miserable gît that resents every penny or knows, "The cost of everything but the value of nothing" But that's the way the value brand cookie is not crumbling right now.

Perhaps a bit woo but sometimes I wonder whether a real poverty mindset becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and perhaps a more speculate to accumulate mentality might do me better? Not any manifesting flapdoodle but just an idle thought.

I'm not poor, as I have enough to eat and can pay the mortgage and subsidise two kids at university.

However, I feel resentful that DH and I both have professional jobs, that we studied and worked our way up to, yet we have very little disposable income, way less than when the two children were in full-time childcare.

No holidays, new clothes, heating before December, new books, good perfume, meals out, takeaways: All the things I thought I'd be able to do by working.

It doesn't pay to work here in the UK, as it doesn't elevate your lifestyle to the extent that it makes it worth not being unemployed.

I'm still a happy person though: meals are bland, cheap, basic, healthy, so I chow them down quickly then have a piece of chocolate, or some ice-cream to take away the taste/rubbish experience. I read at least 3 books a week, so Amazon prime unlimited is a big help. Vinted is amazing for bargains and I like the feeling of belonging to a second-hand platform where it feels that people are helping each other by charging prices that are genuinely affordable. Pets are great for the mental health boost and they make great hot-water bottles.

"I'm just so tired of worrying about things that may or may not happen and not being able to plan for them if they do!" This is the kicker. I honestly think the worry gene is just something you're born with and its hard/impossible to switch off, but, wow, if we could, we (worriers) would be so much happier.

There are people who rack up thousands of pounds of debt on credit cards on luxuries and don't pay it a thought, because everyone (in their circle) lives like that and it will all work out right in the end - and, for them, often it does (I am aware that there are also people who hugely stress over debt). Or who borrow from whoever they can and don't stress about paying it back. It's probably not the best way to live but it does sound easier.

OP - It won't help with the money situation (although 3 years ago before CHAT GBT I would have recommended you try some content creation for extra cash) but you have a great style of writing, I loved your rant about the farmhouse influencer!

Yeah and in those poorer countries, guess what, someone else will always be poorer than them. So don’t complain if you’re struggling because someone else always has it worse. Had your leg blown off by a bomb? Well someone else lost both legs. Oh lost both legs? Someone else also went blind.

⬆️

Said by people who aren’t making watery dal day after day…

So sorry you are going through this. You sound like an amazing person and mother. Sending love 🌺

Even cheaper use your library if you have one.

Of course it pays to work in the UK. You are supporting your children through university and they won't be hammered by an even bigger debt when they start their working lives. That's a huge privilege and a brilliant gift you have given them.

...then they can get good jobs and pay for other people.

Is that how you see it?

I think it offers opportunity, freedom and security.

Indeed they should! The relevant rule is, in essence: you have a monthly assessment period (MAP) which is exactly a calendar month and the amount of UC you get is calculated according to your total net earned income in that calendar month.

This means that UC goes up when income goes down and down when income goes up. In the month where you get paid twice, your earned income is doubled and UC entitlement falls accordingly.

Unfortunately, a lot of work coaches and job centre managers still have the mindset of just getting people into work, and don't really understand the complexity of a means-tested benefit, let alone one which is constantly readjusting itself. But they're not wrong, in this instance.

I was thinking this -I love dhal.
But I guess it’s different if you’re forced to eat it (and don’t actually like it).

Thank you. I know, it was an odd, really unpleasant response. It’s not as if I was suggesting buying unbranded champagne or something. Some people are strange though.

re pets, we'd love a dog ,a rescue, but that's an expense.

I just wanted to say I understand. I was a poor single mum many years ago and remember the constant grind of saving money and not having anything I wanted. I turned my low mood into something positive. I wasted my time at school and was interested in my social life but as an adult I studied in the evening to get myself into a well paid job. Often poverty can be a motivator to study for a career that is financially rewarding and now I have an amazing life and am building up a solid pension as I never want to be poor again.

What I am really trying to say is things can change you just need a plan

I remember years ago when I was out of work. I couldn't even cook dhal as I could not afford the spices! For me it was cheap spaghetti without any flavourings. That's all I ate every day. Bloody miserable.

im poor and im physically disabled with severe mental illness. i dont have much family and they have their own lives, families and jobs, so despite them helping out with stuff like doing shopping and house stuff where they can, you know, they dont have time or energy to do stuff all the time, so yeah, a lot of stuff just i cant do so it doesnt get done for a while....my legs hurt too much for me to get out for milk? no one available to nip down to get me some? then i dont get any and thats just how it is because i cant afford the uber eats fees to pay to have it dropped off for me. i dont have the space to store loads of powdered or uht milk or the funds to buy it upfront so yeah, its just how it is sometimes. im not starving or anything like that but yeah, between budgeting for the bills, shopping and actual needs like mobility stuff or other stuff for my health needs, theres not much left, if anything, for 'fun' and really.....my health doesnt allow for much fun to be had in person. It can be tough for a lot of us, so i get it i totally get it.

However lovely dhal can be (and I like dhal ) it's fine to not want to eat it every day and it's besides the point. Having to count every penny, worry every time something goes up by 5p a jar/loaf/packet, worry about any little thing wearing out/breaking/going wrong because it'll push you into debt is exhausting. Life on that sort of financial knife edge is something that can only be sustained for relatively short periods before it starts to seriously affect your health.

I just googled “smug retiree on YouTube”. Took me straight to her 😂.

It's so hard. I earned less but had a better quality of life in my early 30s than I do now in my early 40s. I don't have kids and currently no partner so no additional expenditure there. My rent and bills are at least double what they were 10 years ago but my pay has obviously not doubled, nowhere close. I don't know what the answer is.

I am with you OP.

I think what annoys me the most is that useless government after useless government have allowed utility and transports companies to make huge profits while driving the cost of living up for most of us.

Basically a lot of our current issues are to do with corporate greed...

Anyone who has a job should not be struggling with basic things like food and heating.

I have cut down as much as I could on my expenses. Now I have nothing left to cut.

All credit to you for studying to hopefully get a better job. What a wonderful message to send your son about wanting to get better and working hard toward it. It sounds really tough right now but you are doing all the right things. You are building a better future so look on this as a really tough moment in time. Your kid won’t remember anything except his mum loved him when he was growing up. Well done.

What a tone-deaf post. No "good perfume"? Perhaps keep that travesty for your own thread, not one where people are struggling to feed themselves and their children.

Well quite. My best friend is the toaster and I think some kind of brown toast, marmite and a cheesy triangle covers most bases nutrition wise.

I am not Italian and have no affinity to flour and water paste cut in strips but it will do. It does not take me back to my nonna in the old country and the good old days however. Likewise, I am not Indian and the lentil will never conjure up the taste of grandma's cooking.

We get by. Cleaning products are a rip off aren't they? And let's not get into the tampax debate.

It is exhausting counting every penny, I was in that position when bringing up three small kids alone.
What is your housing situation OP? are your savings for a deposit? could you allow yourself any for a bit more food shopping?

DS1 loves dhal. It's his favourite food. But when he worked out in Nepal as a volunteer for six weeks and ate only dhal twice a day he grew sick of it. The OP's point is that poverty reduces choice. You can't tart up dhal with some fried slivers of garlic and toasted cumin seeds and fresh chopped chilli and coriander if all you can afford is the lentils. And you don't want to eat boiled lentils several times a week when you are surrounded by adverts and shoppers and co workers eating a wide variety of foods you love and can't afford.