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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell school DS is ill & go on holiday?

146 replies

ClunkyCoconuts · 25/10/2024 16:28

I know I am BU but I am so fed up of the education system that I don't really care. I'd more interested in if other parents do this or would do this.

DS is 9 and has special needs. He was treated terribly by his mainstream school and the LA and subsequently was left without ANY school at all for 2 whole years.

He has finally been placed in a specialist school and is getting on well.

I've booked a holiday for next year. Cannot afford school holiday time holidays at all and also wouldn't like to go on one then anyway as it's busier which would be too much for DS to handle anyway and make the time not enjoyable for him.

It means he will miss 3 days of school. I don't like having to lie to the school but I will as I cannot afford the fine.

I know he will likely go back the next week and talk about his holiday so they will likely know he wasn't ill but what can parents do who cannot afford holiday hike prices?

I know holidays are a luxury but families deserve to spend quality time together and my DS has had a very difficult few years and has missed out on a lot due to being excluded from schools.

Before the new rules I would have asked for it to be authorised due to him having special needs and needing to go at a quieter time but it doesn't sound like any of this will be authorised any more.

Does anyone else phone in sick for their children to be able to go on holidays? I'm sure people must do.

Personally for me I don't feel the reason of "it affects their education" matters as the LA weren't bothered about that when they left him without a school for 2 years.

OP posts:
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 25/10/2024 19:52

Extract of a conversation one Monday morning at DS's primary school, when they were in Y2:

DS: Yes! Trevor is back! He's been poorly, I'm so glad to see him! Hi Trevor, I'm glad you're feeling better.
Trevor: I've not been ill, I've been in Spain
Teacher: Trevor's mum, could I have a word please....

IMBCRound2 · 25/10/2024 19:54

There’s a big difference for me between an educational trip (eg lots of museums) and lounging by the pool. I’d happily lie for the former because it feels equal if not better than a conventional day at school. The later I’d feel more guilty about ….

however , I would make sure that my child didn’t need extra support to make up for the time away- even if that meant some study time on holiday. I do think it’s a bit cheeky to have a lovely jolly in the sun and then expect the teacher to take time away from other students to catch them up. I doubt it would make a difference to the fine but at least no one could come back at me about missed education if they were meeting or ahead of what they missed .

TeabySea · 25/10/2024 19:59

SwingTheMonkey · 25/10/2024 17:00

I would just tell the school you’re doing it and why. If it’s unauthorised you may get a fine (but probably not as it’s under the 10 sessions) but if it were me I’d go anyway and pay the fine if necessary. It’s 3 days, not 3 months.

Agree.
On the basis that if he is ill later, it's going to raise questions. And on the basis that he'll just say he's been on holiday anyway.

As for the cost of holidays, it depends where you go. Flights get ramped up in holiday season but you don't have to necessarily go abroad.
Whatever you decide, you need to allow for the potential of a fine being levied by the LA

ToNiceWithSpice · 25/10/2024 20:16

Hoppinggreen · 25/10/2024 19:19

So why does she write this then?

I've booked a holiday for next year. Cannot afford school holiday time holidays at all

Show quote history

Probably because the funding isn't enough to cover a holiday in school holidays and the op can't afford to put the extra to it

protectthesmallones · 25/10/2024 20:22

I'm guessing he has an ehcp if he's at a funded specialist school.

Go see the headteacher and explain why you need this.

It's not mainstream and with an ehcp I understand you can't be penalised for missing school.

Ratfinkstinkypink · 25/10/2024 20:29

I am guessing the OP's child qualifies for a short break personal budget or similar which will be funding the break, it's enough to pay for a week away but not a week in peak season (or any of the school holiday times).

PurpleFlower1983 · 25/10/2024 20:34

Are you sure that his school issued fines? My niece’s son is in a specialist setting and they allow two weeks authorised due to his need to holiday at a quieter time.

eightIsNewNine · 25/10/2024 20:45

The attendance rules in England are ridiculous and are actively hostile to normal good parents.

(And yes, I know about "safeguarding", thought it often feels like creating strict rules which bother everyone instead of helping those in real need)

If 3 days are all you need to make the most from your special needs grant, logic says go for it.

AubreysMonkey · 25/10/2024 20:49

Just email school to state your intentions - you won't get fined for 3 days (unless you've had other authorised absence)

School will probably find out anyway and then it will be unauthorised retrospectively ... and you will be forever viewed by them as a liar!!

AgainandagainandagainSS · 25/10/2024 20:51

what can parents do who cannot afford holiday hike prices?

they either don’t go, or save up and have one holiday every 3 years as opposed to each summer.

suburberphobe · 25/10/2024 20:52

He has finally been placed in a specialist school and is getting on well.

So. Don't fuck it up by taking him away during term time.

Miyagi99 · 25/10/2024 20:52

AgainandagainandagainSS · 25/10/2024 20:51

what can parents do who cannot afford holiday hike prices?

they either don’t go, or save up and have one holiday every 3 years as opposed to each summer.

Or go camping! Pretty much the same prices throughout the year, glamping pod for the colder months.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 25/10/2024 20:53

Miyagi99 · 25/10/2024 20:52

Or go camping! Pretty much the same prices throughout the year, glamping pod for the colder months.

Show quote history

Yup.

SometimesCalmPerson · 25/10/2024 20:56

Take your child out of school for a holiday if you want to, but don’t lie about it.

The people you’d be lying to, and therefore disrespecting, are not the people who are responsible for your son not having a school place. If you have a place in a special school you will probably find they are less strict about authorising holidays anyway, but the staff there will be people that work hard for your child amd genuinely want the best for them. If that means a term time holiday, so be it. Without the pressure of national testing, special schools can be more lenient and absences don’t have as much effect on the class. It would be horrible of you to lie and would be a terrible example for your child. Your feelings about ‘the system’ are irrelevant.

WhiteLily1 · 25/10/2024 21:00

ClunkyCoconuts · 25/10/2024 16:28

I know I am BU but I am so fed up of the education system that I don't really care. I'd more interested in if other parents do this or would do this.

DS is 9 and has special needs. He was treated terribly by his mainstream school and the LA and subsequently was left without ANY school at all for 2 whole years.

He has finally been placed in a specialist school and is getting on well.

I've booked a holiday for next year. Cannot afford school holiday time holidays at all and also wouldn't like to go on one then anyway as it's busier which would be too much for DS to handle anyway and make the time not enjoyable for him.

It means he will miss 3 days of school. I don't like having to lie to the school but I will as I cannot afford the fine.

I know he will likely go back the next week and talk about his holiday so they will likely know he wasn't ill but what can parents do who cannot afford holiday hike prices?

I know holidays are a luxury but families deserve to spend quality time together and my DS has had a very difficult few years and has missed out on a lot due to being excluded from schools.

Before the new rules I would have asked for it to be authorised due to him having special needs and needing to go at a quieter time but it doesn't sound like any of this will be authorised any more.

Does anyone else phone in sick for their children to be able to go on holidays? I'm sure people must do.

Personally for me I don't feel the reason of "it affects their education" matters as the LA weren't bothered about that when they left him without a school for 2 years.

The problem with doing this is that they will know you have lied. So what I hear you say. But the issue is that with any sickness going forward if they have grounds to think you are lying they can ask for evidence of sickness.
Say your son gets a bug at some point months after the holiday. He’s off for a couple of days. Then a few weeks later needs another couple of days off. They would be in their rights to ask for proof. Doctors don’t generally give proof so your screwed and have to pay a fine anyway.
It’s always always better to tell the truth. You may or may not get a fine depending on the rules for your LA.
Some LA’s find for as little as 1 day unauthorised. Some don’t even offer a fine at all and it’s straight to court with a 2.5k fine and criminal record - granted this is worst case but it has been known to happen. It’s whether you are willing to take the risk. Look up the rules properly from your LA. Each is different.

CeeJay81 · 25/10/2024 21:00

These threads always make me glad I live somewhere that doesn't have these ridiculous rules. Many families do term time holidays here. It's only 3 days, just go.

WhiteLily1 · 25/10/2024 21:01

AubreysMonkey · 25/10/2024 20:49

Just email school to state your intentions - you won't get fined for 3 days (unless you've had other authorised absence)

School will probably find out anyway and then it will be unauthorised retrospectively ... and you will be forever viewed by them as a liar!!

Incorrect advice. Some LA’s do fine for 3 days. It varies across the country.

WhiteLily1 · 25/10/2024 21:03

sunshineandshowers40 · 25/10/2024 18:45

You only get fined for a 5 day absence (10 sessions) or more.

Incorrect. It’s up to the LA and some do fine for less than 10 sessions. Varies across the country.

TicTac80 · 25/10/2024 21:18

I don't know if you would get fined as I've not taken my DC out of school for holidays (I'm not criticising/making a sly dig at anyone who does - that's their business!). They didn't fine me when I did take DC out of school to attend my parents' funerals. I explained situation and they were supportive. In your situation, I would be honest with the school and let them know. Also, if the holiday is being funded by a charity, let them know. Maybe because it is an SEN school, they would be more understanding about holidaying at quieter times?

2Little · 25/10/2024 21:32

I hate lying but I'd lie. Tell them you've got terrible D and V. You can't go in till 48 hours after the last bout. That being said my kids have excellent attendance.

EssexCat · 25/10/2024 21:32

Don’t lie. The school will probably find out (especially if your child is likely to tell them). And then you’ll have really affected your relationship with them and made your child lie.

Afaik for 3 days you won’t be fined.

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