To tell school DS is ill & go on holiday?

[ClunkyCoconuts]

I know I am BU but I am so fed up of the education system that I don't really care. I'd more interested in if other parents do this or would do this.

DS is 9 and has special needs. He was treated terribly by his mainstream school and the LA and subsequently was left without ANY school at all for 2 whole years.

He has finally been placed in a specialist school and is getting on well.

I've booked a holiday for next year. Cannot afford school holiday time holidays at all and also wouldn't like to go on one then anyway as it's busier which would be too much for DS to handle anyway and make the time not enjoyable for him.

It means he will miss 3 days of school. I don't like having to lie to the school but I will as I cannot afford the fine.

I know he will likely go back the next week and talk about his holiday so they will likely know he wasn't ill but what can parents do who cannot afford holiday hike prices?

I know holidays are a luxury but families deserve to spend quality time together and my DS has had a very difficult few years and has missed out on a lot due to being excluded from schools.

Before the new rules I would have asked for it to be authorised due to him having special needs and needing to go at a quieter time but it doesn't sound like any of this will be authorised any more.

Does anyone else phone in sick for their children to be able to go on holidays? I'm sure people must do.

Personally for me I don't feel the reason of "it affects their education" matters as the LA weren't bothered about that when they left him without a school for 2 years.

Families who can't afford to go on holiday don't, its that simple.
In fact that families that can't afford a lot of things don't have them.
Its a shame but its reality

You only get fined for a 5 day absence (10 sessions) or more.

have you missed this is being funded by a charity?

Op be honest with the school (even saying “we have a family fund break” or whatever) for three days it won’t be fined, probably won’t be authorised but that doesn’t matter.

@Debinaround but people also don't send their child to a local authority school by mistake. There is always the choice to home educate your child should you choose to.

I do think that the price hikes in school holidays are ridiculous and something should be done to regulate them. If a child in my class goes on a term time holiday I totally understand. (Just don't ask me to set your child work to take away with them.)

Yanbu kids can learn so much from travel and family time is important. We also can't afford to go in the holidays it's either term time or we would never have holidays. It's 2 days what's he gonna miss at school, that can't be caught up on

A lot of these comments are pretty hard work OP, I have a child with additional needs too, we’re in his second year at school and up to 4 mornings a week from 3 last year, I nearly fell apart a few months ago, but fortunately our wonderful social worker organised a bit of weekly respite and we’re all doing much better. I can’t imagine surviving 2 years at home, although I know not all children with SEN are as full on. I think the “would you do this” perhaps should only apply to SEN families as it’s just such a wildly different experience to mainstream parenting.

I suppose the internet isn’t the place for nuance, but I just wanted to say it’s perfectly possible to think school is wonderful and valuable and ALSO think having a happy holiday as a family is wonderful and valuable. My sons school were ok with us missing a week (3 mornings!!) last year so we could have a holiday. I homeschooled my older son until this year, and the holiday was with a group of supportive friends and their children, I’m certain it was more valuable to him and us as a family (which also matters).

Having said this, now my older son is in high school we don’t have term time holidays. I also wouldn’t lie, but I’d try to have a discussion with school about why I think it’s in my child’s interest, but I’d definitely choose a fine over causing bad feeling with school because the positive relationship is so important.

I have taken mine out for a family holiday with relatives from down under whom we haven't seen in a decade and won't see again any time soon as we can't afford to travel there

I also allowed my eldest to miss school to go to a concert for which she was really lucky to get tickets - her fave band. As a one off.

Both times I told the school the truth - no fines.

I think this is the best way as otherwise you are asking your children to lie to school. Plus in my case I have to act with integrity as part of my professional registration and I think school can spot a task take from a mile off!!

I think you’ll be okay in a SEN setting and have a much greater likelihood of the absence being authorised.

Just request the absence; there’s probably a form. I’d expect the school to be supportive especially so in light of the funding.

Your school will have a Home/School Liaison Officer so you could speak to them about it in the first instance.

Task take? I meant "tall tale"!

The teachers at DS school actually tell us to phone in sick in these situations. I tried to tell them we would be taking him out for a few days for a holiday and they loudly said “oh it’s such a shame he’s going to be poorly!” And winked. So we went with it. His attendance is great otherwise and he’s progressing really well, so I think they were happy to turn a blind eye and I really appreciated it.

If you are ok with teaching your child to lie when it suites, fill your boots.

You're not looking for sympathy OP, but you totally have mine.

I know what it's like, battling with the LA for special needs provision over years and years.

I have done what you're proposing - twice, I think, over the course of a school career - and it was very much the right decision for us at the time.

I say do what your family needs. Anyone that hasn't been through the process of battling to get educational needs met via the SEN system won't have the foggiest how hard it is, so ignore any unsupportive comments.

You won't get fined for 3 days. Enjoy your holiday but don't lie about it

A word of warning. Check where you are going. If abroad are their children already on holiday? My European friends try to avoid the British holidays as it gets so busy. They all get longer summer breaks than we do and tend to go at the beginning if their holiday.
I was in Portugal a couple of weeks ago and is was like August bank holiday!
At the beginning of the holiday, I couldn't get over how many kids were around. Turns out it was the Scottish half term. Although, I would say the majority of the kids didn't speak with a Scottish accent. Flight going and coming back were full and delayed. Problems at Gatwick.

@roaringmouse Thank you. It was an incredibly difficult time. DS is very full on, I have no family support apart from DH as no one else lives near or can handle him. When he was left without a school I was 6 months pregnant so then had to spend the time he was off school looking after a newborn whilst caring for DS and trying to teach him what I could from home. DS's mental health suffered greatly as he felt rejected and longed for friends. Honestly such an awful time. DHs relationship with DSs suffered. DH and my relationship suffered from all the stress. I'm so thankful we made it through. So to take some time off for us all together is important to us and also the bitter feelings towards the LA and the education system remain and probably cloud my judgement.

@ClunkyCoconuts I have done this a few times. Like you, I couldn't afford a school holiday time break. We have been to Haven sites and Butlins in term time. They go to school on the Monday, I pick them up and we go straight there. So they miss 4 days. The butlins break cost me £115 instead of £725. I'd happily take them over the weekend so they only missed Monday but they see their dad Sundays abd he won't allow it.

I haven't been fined because they only missed 4 days not 5. Both dc are incredibly bright, both are always exceeding age related expectation across the board.

So why does she write this then?

I've booked a holiday for next year. Cannot afford school holiday time holidays at all

Because your child will tell them anyway, I'd be up front about it. As long as his attendance is perfect and there's no lateness, I can't see that it would sour your relationship with the school.

I'm not sure on the rules re fines though x

Yes i have done to the arsier secondary school, not to primary where the Head is so laid back it’s been a “this is where I ask you, you say no and we know it happens anyway conversation”

Since the school closures during Covid and the way some loud teachers and their unions behaved - society showed how little they actually value education so I don’t give much of a care to keeping school happy these days.

And actually cos our LEA did some thing strange with term dates a few years back - we have October with an extra week for quieter/cheaper holidays anyway so don’t really need to much!

Because the voucher she has got will only cover a certain amount. To go in school holidays will generally mean having to top it up

I work in a school. We know!!! And don’t particularly care. If a child comes into class after time off and it’s obvious they’ve been on holiday I don’t say a word, I don’t think many teachers would. Enjoy your holiday

I did earlier in the year. Emailed them each morning and said she was ill. We left at the weekend and she was back in school by the Thursday, so, unbeknown to me at the time, we wouldn't have been fined anyway as she only missed 3 days. Just don't forget to take the hotel wristband off before sending him in like I did 🤣🤦‍♀️

Well done OP. You sound amazing for managing so much. So many families break down from the stress of it all. I'm so glad you made it through.

What many posters won't appreciate is all the game-playing the LA do, and many other so-called professionals, including schools, when dealing with parents involved in SEN processes. Which includes lying (often disguised as poor record-keeping), revisionism and brinkmanship. It's terrible and soul-destroying.

So, I also take this idea of 'don't lie' that many other posters seem to be advising, with a pinch of salt. Of course, don't lie if you don't need to and can possibly avoid it. But ultimately, do whatever is easiest for you and your family. The emotional wellbeing of you and your family matters most.

If it’s funded by a charity tell the school. Tell them asap.

If you booked it when he was out of school I'd have great pleasure in applying for the time off! Id also be pointing out they didn't give a shiny shite about the 2 years he had no school so they cannot really suggest 3 missed days is what's going to have the lasting impact!