Please help me find the perfect word to shut down HR

[FromTheBubblegumTree]

I have agreed to help HR with their investigation (this is not a place where I work). They are sending me emails with a rude 'you will do what we say and comply with our processes because we are higher than you' tone. They have completely missed the point that I am not one of their employees and am doing them a favour. I owe them nothing.

I am in communication with someone else from the company. I want to say something along the lines of.

I am happy to help HR. I am not happy for HR to bully me.

Bully is too strong. I just want them to wind their neck in!

Please help. (I am rubbish at writing corporate emails)

Use chatGPT- I find it always helpful. Describe the situation and instruct what tone you want your email to be and what you want to communicate

Pressure or Pressurise me.

Harass/threaten/demean...

Ask if they treat actual employees better than they're treating you!

For a second there I thought you were telling me to harass, threaten and demean HR 😂

Are you self employed? Sub contract if it's not your workplace. If so they absolutely can't tell you what to do or they would then be treating you as an employee. It sounds to me like they are on the hunt for the person if they are investigating a person do you really want to help these horrible people achieve that.. I know what my answer would be adiós

I don't understand your point??

I would get legal advice on my own position.

I certainly would not send an email implying anyone is tampering with evidence. That would be an extremely stupid thing to do. There is no BOOM here, there is no putting someone in their place, there is an investigation you don't know the purpose, intention and likely outcome (nobody will have gone to a third party without a likely outcome in mind) of occurring in an industry in which you would like to remain employable.

Far more caution is needed then you will be goaded into displaying by people online who will not be dealing with the fallout.

But I do know the purpose of the investigation, intention and likely outcome (s) depending on my input. They haven't hired a third party willingly but been forced to do this. Also I'm not employed in this industry. I haven't provided full details in my OP but the PPs have been very helpful with their suggested responses. These people absolutely do need to knocked down a few pegs as they have been entirely unprofessional and unethical. It will all come out in time, however it is important to call them out at this stage and disassociate myself from them and their 'processes'.

Oh, come on now.
You know it is impossible to interpret tone from an email. You cannot know that they are "rude" or written in a "higher than you" tone, for god's sake.
Think about this: you have been asked, as an external consultant, to do an investigation. They have sent you a formal email, outlining company policy in terms of forms to use and paramaters to work within.
This is more than normal in a professional workplace. They have an obligation to do this, as you should know if you are senior enough to be in a position to help with an investigation.
Are you looking for gushing 'thank you, thank you, thank you, @FromTheBubblegumTree ", emails written with lots of heart emojis?
Preciousness on steroids.

If they are such an awful department to help, why on earth are you doing so?

Because people are at risk.

Physically?

Yes

The only thing I would say is that if you are part of a formal investigation then it is important that you adhere to their processes otherwise the outcome will not stand up in an employment tribunal.

That's good advice. I am going along with their processes but have just asked to see any evidence that has been attributed to me before it's is used in the investigation so I can review and sign it off. I don't think that is an unreasonable request and they are very reluctant to do this.

They're not 'HR' rules. Investigations need to follow a legally defined process and it's their job to make sure they are communicated and followed. You are also bound by confidentiality and shouldn't be discussing it with a third party.

“If you wish my help, my consulting rate is £200 per hour, minimum 10 hours, payable in advance “

Sit back and wait.

This doesn't make sense. HR have been forced to hire an independent investigator because they are implicated. I will be interviewed by the independent investigator. Currently however, HR are acting as gatekeepers to the independent investigator and are trying to influence what evidence is used/cover their own backs. I am not bound by anything as I haven't signed a confidentiality agreement. I could go to press tomorrow if all else fails 🤷

I wish I had the bottle to do that!

Because talking in person doesn’t leave a paper trail.

Is this something like you witnessed someone getting maltreated in a nursing home and are a witness in the process that’s now being undertaken?

The truth is that HR are probably following a policy process, so you have two options;

1. keep doing what you are doing and ignore the tone
2. withdraw

you are not going to change an organisations HR processes- they are not going to change it for you.

you need to think of HR as a machine, not as a person, who is following a set of rules. You are not going to change it unless the mattter goes to employment court and they are found to be in breach of some employment or other law.

you choose really. The tone of the emails is irrelevant to them, especially since you are not even an employee.

In this case it sounds like you need to put your whistleblower hat on and find out if there is a regulatory body or ombudsman you can complain to.

or just ignore the tone of the emails and plough on and it will all come out in the wash if they are themselves not following process!

No, not really. Sorry I can't say more about the specific details at this stage

BLUF: don't take any of it personally. It isn't your battle to fight.

Longer version: If your only association with them is to assist with this HR matter, then don't take anything they say personally. It isn't about you (thankfully). If you aren't in any way implicated, just glide through the process, don't take issue, continue with your own life, and contribute where you need to,

if you start to feel that they are putting on you, just withdraw from the entire proceedings if you're doing it on a fully voluntary basis, have the choice to do so and have no obligation to continue.