Please help me find the perfect word to shut down HR

[FromTheBubblegumTree]

I have agreed to help HR with their investigation (this is not a place where I work). They are sending me emails with a rude 'you will do what we say and comply with our processes because we are higher than you' tone. They have completely missed the point that I am not one of their employees and am doing them a favour. I owe them nothing.

I am in communication with someone else from the company. I want to say something along the lines of.

I am happy to help HR. I am not happy for HR to bully me.

Bully is too strong. I just want them to wind their neck in!

Please help. (I am rubbish at writing corporate emails)

Is this NHS- an SI investigation? If so, then managers of other teams are obliged to participate on a rota and would be in your JD.
If not- sorry!

As you are aware I have agreed to provide x services on a purely voluntary basis. As such I would appreciate for HR colleagues to use a more appropriate tone in what is essentially a collaborative arrangement rather than me feeling that they are dictating the extent of my contribution and involvement.

I would go with this. Can you speak to someone on the phone also, in case you're getting automated messages.

'I do not appreciate the tone of your emails. I am not your subordinate or an employee of X company, I am helping you purely on a voluntary basis and I would like this reflected in your future communications or I will be reconsidering my involvement'.

That might be a bit strong though.

So you’re a run of the mill witness (not an expert). Are you holding things up?

whilst I don’t think any rude emails are acceptable, you have no idea how frustrating it is to try and drive these processes when everyone else thinks they know everything better. <pours wine>

Unacceptably overbearing attitude

In order to avoid any confusion or suspicion of impropriety and inherent breach of Professional Standards and Statutory requirements, I must therefore restate my position that under no circumstances is any communication in my name to be forwarded to the independent investigator without my prior approval.

My team would love that.

To what “Professional Standards and Statutory requirements” are you referring?

I suppose you could call me a run of the mill witness, yes. Only, know an awful lot about a very big scandal.
Holding things up? Quite the contrary. Longest time I took to respond was 5 working days (due to reviewing a long report and writing up a response). They have been delaying and delaying. Took them nearly 2 months to arrange a meeting etc. but they give me 1 week deadlines?

Obviously not getting the full story here but maybe asking for a chat would be better than ranting on here.

I was just answering your question.

That sounds very much like how HMRC are acting nowadays.

"We want this information and we want it within 2 weeks."

We bust a gut to respond and send the reply within the deadline.

Four months later:

"We want more information and we want it within 2 weeks."

I feel your pain!

😁😁😁
I m really not the typical mnetter but that really made me laugh and I’m actually very flattered (honed my passive aggressive skills while working in customer services)

@NeverDropYourMooncup you’re my new hero, yours is magnificent!

Just a quick update...
So, after all the helpful replies, I sent an email to the company. I received a short acknowledgement "comment notes re. other process" ( complete with typo 😅). So let's hope it does the trick. Otherwise I may be back for some more MN nuclear options!

As the OP is quite sensibly not specifying which sector this is, never mind the status or job titles of the persons involved, it's not possible to enlighten you further, unfortunately. But you can be reassured that I would have already known which particular ones applied to all parties involved and those relating to my own role before I responded in that vein, whether or not a 'team' and their manager were apparently blissfully unaware of their existence or merely affecting a state of ignorance.

World’s gone mad.

We have no idea what the investigation is about, the sector or the professions of anyone involved (apart from HR). So why you would assume any part of this involved any sort of Professional Standards as part of a suggested reply is utterly bizarre.

‘Officious’ sounds like a word that fits well in this situation

Nah not too strong. This is well worded. But I think things have moved on in the thread and the OP should just ignore HR and deal directly with the parties she has agreed to assist.

Yes!

Why not do something revolutionary such as talk to someone in person? The tone of emails is sometimes misleading. But if HR are behaving unethically you perhaps should get yourself independent legal advice?

If they’re trying to fudge the investigation I wouldn’t reply to this initially.

I would firstly send your formal statement, signed and dated, to the investigator with hr ccd in.

Then I would send hr “That’s lovely of you to offer to support with this, but I’m not sure that this process is appropriate as I don’t work for Xcorp. I have sent my statement to the investigator and let them know I am available for questions. ‘

Because they are based on the other side of the country, approximately a 6 hour drive away and I'm trying to keep a paper trail for when everything goes tits up 🙂

While I am happy to assist HR, I am not obliged to do so and if they continue to attempt to compel a response from me I will withdraw my support.

The big thing is that I do not have the investigator's contact details, or even their name. This will happen in due course but for now HR are acting as gatekeepers.

Have you taken your own legal advice on this, OP?

Good suggestions to op.