9 year old served ‘birthday drinks’ at sleepover

[Calpi]

My daughter recently attended a birthday sleepover. The girls are 9 years old which I thought was slightly on the young side so I was a little hesitant but agreed.

I have just seen some pictures and I really am not happy. The girls were given ‘birthday drinks’. They were only squash and obviously no alcohol was used but they were served in actual plastic flutes. The drink was bright pink with fizzy sweets in the glass but I’m not happy.

The mum in question parents very differently. Her 9 year old gets bought VERY expensive skincare products. And her daughter acts like a
full on teen - we’re talking crop tops, Stanley cups, skincare, TikTok dances, eyeshadow etc. I have been in the girl’s bedroom and she has a dressing table completely covered in drunk elephant etc. The mum is into that overconsumption stuff she sees online. Fine, parent how you want but I want my daughter to have a childhood and to not be adultified.

AIBU in thinking this was massively inappropriate? Why couldn’t they have just made milkshakes or smoothies? Or an ice cream sundae?

My 9yo helped me make the Christmas cake the other day. I let her have a brandy soaked sultana and she was scandalised 🤣

5 year old near me got taken to Sephora for her upcoming 6th birthday - spent £600 on Drunk Elephant and all sorts of other 'in' make up brands.

Not my parenting style either but you need to pick your battles.

Mother is clearly all about how it's going to look on her Instagram page!

You need to get a life.

Why are people freaking out that a 9 yo has had 3 sips of wine?! It's not something I would do, but did no-one here get giving a glass of watered down Bucks Fizz at Christmas or a taste of the foam of their Dad's beer? She's occasionally tasted it and like most kids, thought it was disgusting.

OP is massively off-base with her criticism of the mocktails but getting all in a froth over a sip of wine is almost as silly.

Yeah.... this is something not to get uptight about

You have so many things to come that will be important, this is not one of them

I think you dislike the parent who did a lovely party for these girls and so you sit and make up a non issue to criticise her. Also why do so many women hate stereotypically feminine things and reduce them to meaning girls are shallow and stupid? This has got nothing to do with glamorising drinking obviously, how many kids have been on holiday and had a soft drink in a glass stuffed with umbrellas and fancy things, no one thought it was supposed to be like drinking alcohol. My DS gets birthday drinks in that I let him have the most garish soft drinks he wants a lot but I don’t usually buy! This is just the same. You seem to pride yourself on being a better, different kind of mum but these kind of things are just fun for some kids and it doesn’t lead to some kind of moral decline!

I consider myself fairly "old school" in my own parenting, but I can see literally nothing wrong with a 9yo having a "fancy" drink in a "fancy" glass. I'd have loved something like that at that age, and my almost-8yo DD would also love it.

Also no issue with a 9yo attending a sleepover. I attended them from about the age of 7 myself, as did my own DCs.

If squash in a fancy glass and a sleepover at age 9 is getting you up in arms now, I suggest, with kindness, that perhaps you think yourself lucky that you don't have any actual problems.

If you really care this much, the ONLY thing that needs to happen is you talking to your daughter about your concerns and why it bothers you.

But if you're happy giving your 9yo daughter a sip of wine here and there, it paints you as quite the hypocrite.

On NYE in Germany it's traditional for children to have 'Kindersekt', which is basically fizzy fruit juice in bottles shaped like champagne bottles. Once they're old enough to have glasses, they get it in flutes, as well. As a culture, the Germans seem to be (somewhat) better at handling alcohol than the Brits.

Same and the fact you have a problem with this but let your daughter even taste wine at 9yo is ludicrous

I think most people are just trying to point out her staggering lack of awareness that a Mocktail is terrible but actual wine is ok.

I feel like that definitely the case here.
The post is about what the girl wears and looks like.
If it was 'they had a sleepover and the mum shouted at them all and didn't feed them etcetc' - then I would definitely agree with OP that it wasnt OK. But it's all about how this child looks.

OP you need to look beyond appearances.
It sounds to me like this mum put in lots of effort to give the girls are fun party.
If you think you can do a better sleepover, then go for it, and hopefully the other mums won't be as judgemental as you.

Omg, are you real?
Don't mean to be rude but are you actually REAL or taking the mick???

I think parenting is hard and then read something like this and think how on earth do parents like you cope with it at all?? Imagine being worried about something so ridiculously minor

We were on holiday in Greece in the summer and most restaurants brought DD (5yo) a non alcoholic "shot" do do with mine and DH's real ones - I thought it was cute they had included her.

I know what you mean about some 9 year old's being very like teenagers now OP but honestly this is a non issue

They did 'mocktails' at my kids Brownies group - I was also pissed off about this. I agree - there is no need to pretend to have alcoholic drinks.
Imagine if they pretend smoked, rolled a few pretend spliffs, rolled up a tenner and did pretend coke.

If your dd has sips of wine from you then what's tye big deal about tge glasses squash was served in. What kind of glass you use when you have wine in front of dd?

Personally I don’t have a problem with the drinks. But I see (though I’ve not read the whole thread) that you’ve had some fairly robust replies, so you (OP) might be reassured to know that you’re not alone. A recent news story reported that a pub refused to serve a child a soft drink in a champagne flute (plastic, I think) because it sent a message about drinking which was incompatible with their obligations as licensees. Sorry if someone else has already mentioned it.

In your shoes I’d be inclined to invite the birthday girl back to yours for some wholesome tree climbing and cocoa, to show that there’s more to life at 9 than crop tops and face cream, but I don’t think that addresses your main point.

Oh and it saddens me when I see little girls under say, 14/15 wearing crop tops (&/or hot pants). That is allowing the sexualisation of a child in my personal opinion. Crop tops are to show off your midriff and hot pants are to show off your arse. WHY does a little girl needs to do either of these?

I don't suppose, OP, that you mind your child having a babyccino when you're getting your latte - or do you think that's glamorising coffee drinking?

It's ok for you to give actual alcohol, but she's being unreasonable giving mocktails/pretend 'drinks'?

You clearly dislike the mum. Don't send your child to the next party.

Squash with fizzy sweets in it? Good god the horror

:/

Good luck with the teen years 😁

In the grand scheme of things it's not really a big deal. Can you be bothered to waste your time and energy on it?

If you don't like it that much it's up to you to have a conversation with your child.