9 year old served ‘birthday drinks’ at sleepover

[Calpi]

My daughter recently attended a birthday sleepover. The girls are 9 years old which I thought was slightly on the young side so I was a little hesitant but agreed.

I have just seen some pictures and I really am not happy. The girls were given ‘birthday drinks’. They were only squash and obviously no alcohol was used but they were served in actual plastic flutes. The drink was bright pink with fizzy sweets in the glass but I’m not happy.

The mum in question parents very differently. Her 9 year old gets bought VERY expensive skincare products. And her daughter acts like a
full on teen - we’re talking crop tops, Stanley cups, skincare, TikTok dances, eyeshadow etc. I have been in the girl’s bedroom and she has a dressing table completely covered in drunk elephant etc. The mum is into that overconsumption stuff she sees online. Fine, parent how you want but I want my daughter to have a childhood and to not be adultified.

AIBU in thinking this was massively inappropriate? Why couldn’t they have just made milkshakes or smoothies? Or an ice cream sundae?

Cremola foam 😂

Or a cremola foam ice cream float if it was lacking by itself 🥳🤣

Jeez. I thought someone had given her bucks fizz by your title

You’ve just taken me back to my childhood. Sweetie cigarettes- I loved them! But I’ve never smoked in my life. So I suppose I don’t think that a pretend cocktail at a birthday party will lead to a drinking problem, but I can see that if DC are doing it all the time it could be an unpleasant influence.

As a one off or occasional thing, I wouldn’t worry. Hopefully other parties will be swimming etc

My dd is 10, she has never had so much as a sip of alcohol in her life but has had all sorts of fancy mocktails. I personally feel like it’s up to you if you want to let your dd try a few sips of alcohol, I wouldn’t do it myself but also don’t judge you for it but I honestly can’t believe you think that real alcohol is perfectly acceptable but not a cute, fizzy, age appropriate soft drink. Like a previous poster said, I’d be interested to know what your dd sipped this wine you gave her from because if it was in fact an actual wine glass then in your opinion that’s the part that would make it wrong??
Honestly, I think you come across as jealous of this other mum.

FFS….

But they weren’t pretending to drink alcohol, just having a child appropriate drink served in a fancy way. I don’t see anything inappropriate with that

It's actually completely OK for girls to enjoy stereotypically "girly" things and have an evening pretending to be glamorous AND also like stereotypically "boyish" things like outdoor games.

And it's OK for girls to ONLY enjoy stereotypically "girly" things, in the same way that it's OK for boys to only enjoy stereotypically boyish things. We don't criticise boys for not doing lots of feminine-associated things and try to persuade them to have their nails done and wear make-up instead of football and Fortnite.

Femininity is NOT inferior to masculinity, liking feminine things is not shallow or superficial, and whilst I wouldn't be allowing skincare anymore than I'd be allowing Stanley cups for either gender or any of the overpriced branded merchandise aimed at boys, what DD does at her friends' houses and if she sees a different lifestyle and different values does not concern me.

I am secure enough in my own parenting that I don't feel threatened by parents doing anything differently.

For reference, SD15 is non-binary and has NEVER liked anything "girly", DD is 4 and is in her Princess Era. Both are fine.

Give over, it’s a birthday party!

This

My DMum was like this around 10 at sleep over - as I came back with makeup and nail polish on. Odd thing was she bought me similar herself year before.

I suspect it must have been context - worry about messaging or something - but all it did was make me feel bad and tarnish a good rare experience. I still rarely ware make up now - so was hardly a life changing event.

Honestly OP shrug it off and it will soon be forgotten.

An attempt to demystify alcohol for a 9 year old? A 9 year old child? I am actually appalled that you think that is acceptable, yet you are giving out about another parent who gave the children a soft drink in a flute glass. At least the other parent has the cop on not to give a child alcohol. You have lost any sort of moral high ground here. You mention skin care products and growing up too fast yet YOU are the one allowing your child sips of wine FFS.

We all start with one single sip.

Indeed, it's quite hard to become an alcoholic without ever drinking alcohol

Spoiler. Your child will be a teenager soon and attitudes like this don’t help your kid through the social hunger games which is secondary school.

You give your kid sips of wine aged 9 but think having a soft drink mocktail at the same age is encouraging her to drink. You’ve got your priorities mixed up here.

One of my nieces age 10 enjoys doing a skincare routine and also got a Stanley cup for her birthday (was the main present she really wanted so SIL bought it for her) I don’t see the issue really oh noo pre-teen likes drinking lots of water and washing her face what terrible habits that will lead to a downward spiral 😱

Oh for goodness sake.
I'm sure the girls loved and it would have made them feel quite grown up.
Get over yourself.

So, real alcohol = fine.
Soft drinks in a fancy glass = not fine.

Interesting take.

Yes to all of this.

OP, IIWY I'd share your disapproval of the way this girl is being brought up in general - I also have a 9yo dd and she has a friend who's a bit similar, albeit nowhere near as extreme, but her interests are a little grown-up for my liking - but some fun drinks, come on.

This is quite a hilarious thread. I genuinely cannot even understand why there's any connection with alcohol. I'm seeing mention of pretty drinks in pretty glasses - I can't see how that implies exposing kids to alcohol any more than the special milkshakes or smoothies that the OP suggests. Personally, I'd far prefer kids to have the squash over the sugar laden shake/smoothie options.
If the OP automatically associates anything special or glamorous with alcohol, then that's way more an OP issue than the other mother.

Yes this. If I was the other mother I'd be worried about my daughter staying at your house and potentially being given actual alcohol. 🙄

I agree with PPs that the context of the birthday girl’s somewhat adult, and expensive possessions as well as dislike for her DM is clouding your judgment here, OP. Especially after your drip feed about giving DD wine.

When we serve champagne, we give young DC guests sparkling fruit juice or Shirley Temples in real crystal flutes. It makes them feel part of the celebration! No one has complained, quite the opposite. (They also behave well whilst drinking from crystal, interestingly)

WTF?!

Why are you allowing your 9 year old to sip wine? That's much more inappropriate than serving squash in a cocktail glass.

You're either unhinged or a bit thick. Sorry.

Wait, what, you give your 9yo sips of wine (!), but you're objecting to non-alcoholic mocktails???

Could a little bit of class snobbery be playing into this, by any chance?

Ridiculous that you are making a fuss about the non-alcoholic drinks in flutes but you let her sip wine at home.
I don't have a problem with the soft drinks and sweets to make a fun drink for them at the birthday party.
It's no different to when you go to weddings and other events and there's champagne in champagne flutes and juice in flutes for the children or the non-drinkers. Do you object to that as well?

I know what you're saying OP. The drinks wouldn't bother me in the slightest (perhaps as my 9yr old DD refuses to drink anything besides water, won’t even drink milk. Has only had water since she was 2 as hates any drink with taste). However the rest would bother me! A 9yr old shouldn't be on bloody TikTok or interested in skincare (besides the very basics, obviously).
This type of parent who is desperately trying to grow their daughter up as fast as possible - damaging. Very damaging.