9 year old served ‘birthday drinks’ at sleepover

[Calpi]

My daughter recently attended a birthday sleepover. The girls are 9 years old which I thought was slightly on the young side so I was a little hesitant but agreed.

I have just seen some pictures and I really am not happy. The girls were given ‘birthday drinks’. They were only squash and obviously no alcohol was used but they were served in actual plastic flutes. The drink was bright pink with fizzy sweets in the glass but I’m not happy.

The mum in question parents very differently. Her 9 year old gets bought VERY expensive skincare products. And her daughter acts like a
full on teen - we’re talking crop tops, Stanley cups, skincare, TikTok dances, eyeshadow etc. I have been in the girl’s bedroom and she has a dressing table completely covered in drunk elephant etc. The mum is into that overconsumption stuff she sees online. Fine, parent how you want but I want my daughter to have a childhood and to not be adultified.

AIBU in thinking this was massively inappropriate? Why couldn’t they have just made milkshakes or smoothies? Or an ice cream sundae?

You keep saying you're not judging, you are. Everyone on here is judging one way or another, people judge all the time, or you can say make judgements if youre not comfortable with saying you're judging.

I know three people who became alcoholics. The two I met at university one spiralled after his father's death the other was bought up in a household where alcohol was considered one step short of evil. I'm the daughter of an alcoholic, who is now teetotal (parent not me) and the granddaughter of an alcoholic who did drink, smoke and eat himself to death and the sister of an alcoholic/drug addict who's been off the booze and drugs for the last 12 months as far as I know, no idea if that will last. I'm well aware of the costs of alcoholism, Ive been aware of alcoholism since I was about 10. Jjuice in champagne glasses really isn't the issue. Giving your 9 year old sips of wine, way more of a red flag.

YABU

Do I just saw this - OP my mum let me have alcohol at a young age and I’m not in any way saying it was this that caused it - but I ended up with a major alcohol addiction, because it is a highly addictive substance and they’re 9. I actually want to delete my previous post now because ‘make it make sense!’

We have that in Switzerland as well.

There are different brands (some a little more tart, others sweeter) and I actually still like them as an adult.

I occasionally prefer a flûte of children‘s champagne to actual champagne.

having the children’s version when I was a child - which apparently normalises alcohol - definitely did not make me an alcoholic. Quite the opposite actually:

It actually means that I prefer the non-alcoholic options occasionally nowadays 😅

I can't believe you're moaning about little girls having squash in flutes yet you actually let your 9 year old sip your wine 🤣🤣🤣

Well, I think it's much worse to let your 9 year old have a sip of your wine than to drink squash from a plastic flute glass.

I mean, we drank kids "champagne" when I was a kid.

Are you annoyed because of the connotation of it being an alcoholic drink? Because I honestly don't think 9 year olds will think along those lines.
It's a birthday party and they've been given something to drink - therefore it's a birthday drink, no? I don't understand the issue!

Definitely keep your child away from sleepovers if you are this uptight about what they drink and what kind of cup it comes in.

Being given squash in a plastic flute is harmless and wouldn’t bother me at all. The kids probably won’t even connect it to alcohol, it’s just something to make it special and fun! Wearing crop tops and posting dances on TikTok would bother me - she’s making her daughter vulnerable to sexual exploitation.

We don't drink alcohol in my house and we do birthday drinks every birthday for breakfast. We have orange juice in champagne flutes and sing happy birthday. We have done this since my DD was 1.

I understand your point slightly overall, although I really don't think that the drinks is an issue at all.
One of my daughters 9 year old friends is similar- into skin care, crop tops, watches movies beyond their age suitability and generally acts much older than she is (we are pretty 'conservative') But I recognise that at least in part this is due to her Dad walking out on her mum when she was 7, and siblings aged 3 and 2 - she ended up being almost a 2nd parent, she had to grow up quick. This child has an absolute heart of gold, stands up for my daughter who is much quieter, and at her heart actually just wants to be a young kid too.

You have to look beyond the make up, clothes etc, and look at the heart of this child and her family. Are they kind, honest, caring people? Look for where you are similar to you, not where they are different.

And 9 really isn't young for a sleepover, I lead a Rainbows group and we do overnight trips and sleepovers from 5 years old. Children thrive with a little independence.

I let my preteen DC and DSC drink Schloer out of plastic wine glasses in a hot tub on holiday recently. One of them is now a crackhead and the others are out mugging old ladies while swigging white lightening out of the bottle. 🙄

(@Calpi you’re being ridiculous, and I say that coming from a family that’s experienced addiction. I’ve never drunk to excess and am teetotal these days, but still love a birthday drink - a nice fancy mocktail goes down a treat. A ‘grown up’ birthday drink is a lovely idea)

By your own admission, you parent differently to the Sleepover Mum.

Tbh, my parenting style was / is more aligned to yours than hers so I'm not going to join in the bashing that you are getting from some.

However imo you should have not allowed your child to go if that's how you feel about the child / the way she is patented. You had all the info yet still made the decision to send her! At primary age you can influence their friendship groups to a certain extent - I used that quite significantly to steer my DC away from them being exposed to things I felt weren't appropriate.

As a one off at 9 it’s not going to make your child desperate for birthday drinks later on in life. She likely just had a lot of fun.

Children drinking soft drinks! This is one of the strangest posts l’ve seen on MN. And that’s saying something.

I agree, at Christmas when I was a child my parents would give me and my sister apple or grape juice in wine glasses with our christmas dinner so we felt like we were joining in. It did me no harm.

I don't think it will harm your daughter BUT it would bother me a lot as well, especially if all her friends were like this. A kind of 'footballers wives', mixed with 'it's wine o'clock', 'girls are intended to be glamorous', buying into all the marketing, I don't think it's as fun and harmless as many posters think. You can't force her friends to have parties where they are doing a physical activity like climbing or outdoor games or whatever, but still no I wouldn't like it, any more than I would like it if they were giving out sweetie cigarettes, which also used to be seen as a fun way for kids to get ready for adulthood. I think you need to find the balance OP between, ok, you don't like it and it might not be good in some ways but you will have to allow a certain amount of crap, but try to ensure different influences in her life.

Yes, that’s my view as well!!

I’ve got boys so I’ve never done all this girly stuff, but I don’t see a problem with it at a party, even if you don’t do it at yours. DC should be able to understand by 9 that different families do different things.

But why are you giving your 9 year old wine?!!

With respect you need to unclench.

You let your 9 year old try alcohol to demystify but are up in arms about fizzy drinks served in a fancy glass? Ffs

That’s what they do in their house.
You can do what you like in yours.

The girls are 9 years old which I thought was slightly on the young side so I was a little hesitant but agreed.

Why is 9 too young for a sleepover?

Same in Germany. The local Polish shop here actually sells them and I've made a mental note to get it for the kids' birthday. I don't parent like the parent described by OP. Probably the complete opposite. So don't think it's connected lol.

I'm really sorry you've had to deal with that in your life. Wishing you many happier times ahead. x

But Pizza Express (and other chain restaurants) serve non-alcoholic cocktails to children. It’s normal.

birthday drinks...like drinks on your birthday. See also birthday cake, birthday party, birthday present?

Lots of 9 year olds are into skincare and tik tok. If that's not your thing, fine, but don't try and be condescending toward someone that does. It sounds like that little girls mummy is showering her with love, even if its not your brand of love.

And tbh I personally would be more concerned about sending my 9 year old to your house than hers because I don't think kids should be drinking wine. Someone who allows a child to drink wine being aghast at kids being served colourful non alcoholic drinks at a party is so far fetched its got to be made up!