9 year old served ‘birthday drinks’ at sleepover

[Calpi]

My daughter recently attended a birthday sleepover. The girls are 9 years old which I thought was slightly on the young side so I was a little hesitant but agreed.

I have just seen some pictures and I really am not happy. The girls were given ‘birthday drinks’. They were only squash and obviously no alcohol was used but they were served in actual plastic flutes. The drink was bright pink with fizzy sweets in the glass but I’m not happy.

The mum in question parents very differently. Her 9 year old gets bought VERY expensive skincare products. And her daughter acts like a
full on teen - we’re talking crop tops, Stanley cups, skincare, TikTok dances, eyeshadow etc. I have been in the girl’s bedroom and she has a dressing table completely covered in drunk elephant etc. The mum is into that overconsumption stuff she sees online. Fine, parent how you want but I want my daughter to have a childhood and to not be adultified.

AIBU in thinking this was massively inappropriate? Why couldn’t they have just made milkshakes or smoothies? Or an ice cream sundae?

Of all the batshit things I have read on mumsnet, objecting to a bit of squash in a champagne flute has got to be pretty high up the leaderboard.

I find it bizarre OP thinks it's fine to give her daughter sips of wine but objects to juice in a pretend champagne glass...

It feels like OP just cares about appearances and this woman's "style" rather than what is actually damaging it not for her daughter

I get where you're coming from but they know that raising a glass exists at that age and is a part of celebrations. They're already aware of it from Christmas and weddings. It isn't really an alcohol substitute, just an innocent version of a ritual that's no secret to them.

I gave a 5 year old orange in a champagne flute (with mum's permission) at a family dinner and she was delighted to go round and toast everyone. No interest in what everyone else was drinking. I think it's quite innocent.

Sounds like it's part of a wider mismatch of lifestyle choices between you and the parents but I don't think they're training the children for a lifetime of bottomless brunches.

Have RTWT but there is even a Mixology badge at Girl guiding now which is girls aged 10-14. It's just a bit of fun with some juice.

This has to be the most ridiculous thing to worry about. There's so much else going on that you could be getting yourself worked up about instead. This is a non-issue and actually nice of the other mum to go to so much effort to make the birthday special!

Now this is confusing.

This is you sneering about the other mum...nothing to do with the way she decided to make her daughter's birthday fun and age appropriate 🤔

well you’ve given your nine year old alchohol. Even three sips at the age of 9 you are normalising it. No 9 year old needs to have any sips of alchohol. And you’re upset because squash was served in a cocktail like glass.

So I’m going to go against the flow here - it definitely wouldn’t be how I would parent in general although the fancy glasses wouldn’t bother me! I do think there’s value in discussing with your children that families do things differently and that’s okay and to explore what works for you and why as they need to think critically for themselves as they get older. For example we don’t have fizzy drinks in our house and I don’t serve them at our bday parties but my kids can have them at other houses if they wish to try them. They know why we don’t have them and our thoughts around it but they get to choose! Other parents are going to continue to do things differently to you - other kids will be allowed drink alcohol earlier, use make up, stay out later etc etc so you’ll have lots of practice explaining to your kids that each family will make their own choices!

Imagine sneering at a parent who happily organises a sleepover for a bunch of 9-year olds.

She probably didn’t get much sleep herself that night, and not to mention a lot of cleaning up after.

But instead of being thankful, you decide to critizise her parenting on a public forum. You should honestly be ashamed of yourself.

You’re up on your high horse about this woman giving her kid expensive skincare but you let your 9 year old drink alcohol?!

There is one person in your story normalising underage drinking. I’ll give you a clue, it’s not the other mother.

Think you’re on a quick track to getting your child labelled with the ‘tricky mother’ tag

Millions upon millions of adults across the world are teetotal and drink non-alcoholic cocktails at celebrations. A mug of water doesn't scream "party"..

Oh blimey. I remember my daughter having a Princess party at that age. They decorated 'goblets' (plastic wine glasses) with stick on jewels and I served juice in them. I dread to think what the other parents must have been saying about me.😂
She's now a 23 year old Dr without a drink problem so it mustn't have impacted her too badly.🤗

Children like to emulate adults. They got to do that in a safe and fun manner. And there’s nothing wrong with that!

You are being very unreasonable and rather precious.

I get what you’re saying OP. It’s a but rubbish tbh seeing them so young and already emulating older teens and 20s when they could have a great time and just be 9 years old. It’s so young and I’m not sure if it’s a trend or social media or whatever but it sad make me feel a little sad to see too. I’m the mum of a late teen son now so I didn’t go through that myself but my friend and her circle are very ‘pretend cocktails, nails done etc and I found it to be a lot at a young age because it just somehow hit differently from clumping around in your mums heels and playing with her old makeup - it’s very adult the way it’s done and I get that. I wouldn’t feel angry and stop my child being friends with them and if I’m being honest I don’t know what i would do in terms of feeling like I had to fit in or feeling like my daughter might not fit in if I didn’t go along. I genuinely do know what you mean with it all being a bit too adult though and I’m reall about as far from being a prude as you can get. It just feels like cynical, like putting them on the get Prosecco’d up and get your fake eyelashes done (no judgement - I’ve partaken) conveyer belt say too soon. Maybe it’s feeling like a life style is being marketed to them that they’re too young to reject - oh I don’t know, the mum is probably lovely, just trying her best and wants her daughter and her friends to have the nicest birthday so I wouldn’t get too hung up about it - but I understand where you’re coming from x

Totally agree with this. It's not like it was even Nosecco or other actual alcohol subsitute. We were given Schloer at Christmas to toast with at dinner as kids. My 4 year old loves to do it with a little plastic flute of apple juice. Noever gave it a sceond thought till this thread!

Agree this has to be more about the wider mismatch of parenting styles, as it sounds bonkers taken out of that context.

You're overreacting over nothing. Stop being so judgemental of others too. It might make life easier.

You give your 9 year old sips of wine but take issue with fizzy squash with sweets in it??

You are uncomfortable with the concept of the mocktails bit you let her sip your wine??? How odd, I think a 9 year old having wine is terrible.

In France there is a particular brand of fizzy apple juice that comes in bottles made to look like champagne bottles, which is served to children and non-drinkers at pretty much every event where champagne is served (which in France is basically every birthday, Christmas etc.)

They also generally frown upon drunkenness much more than we do, so I don't think it has a negative effect on children.

My little girl has been drinking "champagne" (fizzy apple juice) from a plastic champagne flute since as soon as she was old enough to drink from it without spilling it, so before the age of 2.

You give her alcohol (even just giving her sips is giving her alcohol) but you are upset about a parent allowing mocktails because that would normalise alcohol?

wow 🤣 that reasoning is genuinely delusional in my personal opinion!

Weird OP. You seem to have a particular problem with the term "birthday drinks", but these were special drinks, served at a birthday celebration. What else would you call them?

As for "simulating cocktails", presumably by making the drinks colourful with sweet/fruity flavours, I think the bigger issue is that makers of cocktails are simulating fruity soft drinks, rather than the opposite.

The choice of drinking vessel also seems a bit pointless to complain about. Yes, stemmed glasses are often used for wine or cocktails, but so are highball glasses. Tumblers are often used for whisky. Pint and half pint glasses are used for beer. I have some larger shot glasses which are great for when the kids want to try something new (e.g., pineapple juice or something - I'm not feeding them booze!).

How can you possibly have an issue with 'birthday drinks' when what they had was a drink, to celebrate someone's birthday?

Exactly. It's just a drink in a fancy glass.