9 year old served ‘birthday drinks’ at sleepover

[Calpi]

My daughter recently attended a birthday sleepover. The girls are 9 years old which I thought was slightly on the young side so I was a little hesitant but agreed.

I have just seen some pictures and I really am not happy. The girls were given ‘birthday drinks’. They were only squash and obviously no alcohol was used but they were served in actual plastic flutes. The drink was bright pink with fizzy sweets in the glass but I’m not happy.

The mum in question parents very differently. Her 9 year old gets bought VERY expensive skincare products. And her daughter acts like a
full on teen - we’re talking crop tops, Stanley cups, skincare, TikTok dances, eyeshadow etc. I have been in the girl’s bedroom and she has a dressing table completely covered in drunk elephant etc. The mum is into that overconsumption stuff she sees online. Fine, parent how you want but I want my daughter to have a childhood and to not be adultified.

AIBU in thinking this was massively inappropriate? Why couldn’t they have just made milkshakes or smoothies? Or an ice cream sundae?

I wouldn’t let my child the same age go to a sleepover and I have no plans too either any time soon .

I will says you knew what’s her parent was like before you agreed. If you didn’t what your Dd involved in any other f this then you have to say no to your own Dd. You can’t put it on the other parent .

You do your thing and everyone else will do theirs.
I would just explain to your dd that’s up to her friends mum but you don’t agree with it and so things differently.
If there is a next time say no.

I don’t see the problem with the juice , I do see how you see it though. It’s the all over picture of the other parent’s parenting style .

I loved those, didn't put any bad ideas in my impressionable mind. We occasionally pretended to smoke them too, would blow OPs mind. I sometimes drink various non alcoholic drinks in champagne flutes, never occured to me I was setting a bad example 🤣.

That's pretty much it.

Skincare products is irrelevant because that's how that child's parent chooses to parent.

Skincare at that young an age isn't ideal, neither is letting your daughter have sips of wine to "demistify" alcohol

Not sure why OP thinks she has the parenting upper hand tbh

My tiny little relative loves nothing more than 'going for a coffee' and getting a babyccino. Is that bad too?

My nan used to have the best parties. When I was little I was able to go for the first hour before all the kids got banished to bed or home.

Nan used to give us lemonade in a babycham or cherry B glass, complete with a cherry on a stick and cocktail umbrella.
I would be around 7. This went on until I was about 12 or 13 when I could stay for the first two hours, the little ones still had first hour. I was allowed two babychams then!!
Happy days!
Blimey, I know things were different in the 70s but I can't see any harm at all.

By the way I didn't grow up to be a raving alcholic,even though my grandad used to secretly take me to the British Legion club so he could play do.inos with his pals and I had a orange cordial and a packet of crisps to keep me quiet ( age 4)

This is a serious overreaction and makes me wonder if there is alcoholism in your family.

Read your update . Juice for children yes
Wine … hell No

Wow super judgemental of you

It's squash. In a nice glass.

My kids school do them for parties and discos. As far as I know none of thr 5 years are raging alcoholics raiding the drinks cupboard.

I think there are things you need to separate in your post- you’ve led with the most ridiculous one which is why you’re getting a pasting but I think there are other things in there which are worth a discussion.

On the fancy glasses, I think you’re being silly especially if you’ve actually given your 9 year old alcohol which is something I wouldn’t even consider for my 8 year old. My children have always liked drinks that look a bit more special than the usual water they get.

Where I think you have a point is the pushing of skincare onto tweens. I posted a thread recently about my 8 year old wanting skincare because some of her friends have it and I was properly roasted and called neglectful with my children being on a slippery slope to hard drugs/prostitution (not even exaggerating there!). I don’t object to getting the odd bottle of gentle cleanser but there is something a bit worrying where so many 8/9 year olds seem to now want products that they wouldn’t have considered 10 years ago.

The reality is though as children grow up they become exposed to more peer influence. What you have to work out is where your boundaries are and when an intervention within friendship groups might be worth it. Now I don’t think the glasses are worth worrying about but the other influences re ticktok might well be.

This. Now we’re talking crap parenting. Actually serving your child alcohol. There is no need for that.

Is the mum-you-hate glamorising booze or is she glamorising non alcoholic drink served in fab glasses?

IMO hers was a better approach to demystifying alcohol than yours. You served it. She showed you don't need it.

I’ve done appletiser in champagne flutes for kids. Raspberries and lemonade with paper umbrellas and ridiculous straws. I think it’s a way to make stuff look/ feel a big special . I don’t even drink booze but I might still pour myself a tonic water and ice with some lemon in a fancy glass. I think you don’t like her parenting style and so everything rubs you up the wrong way. This is a non issue.

Well, quite.

Growing up my best friend's mum was a bit like you. My friend wasn't allowed to do the same things as the rest of us, wasn't allowed to go out much, wear make up etc etc. Her mum viewed her friends' mums as being way too lax.

But as soon as she had a bit of freedom once she turned 18/19 said friend went right off the rails - drinking, sleeping with anyone, dropped out of college etc. She went through a few "wilderness" years before getting back on track.

She's fine now and actually very successful but that strict approach really didn't work well in her younger years.
As for the rest of us - we just carried on and did the normal, school, college/uni, job route. None of us ended up living the life of debauchery her mum had predicted! 😂

I've seen these threads a few times over the years. The first few replies usually set the tone, but then a few more diverse opinions come along. A different thread at a different time might have gone a different way - I was on one years ago that slammed the idea of making faux-alcoholic drinks as a fun thing for kids.

I've got mixed feelings about it tbh, but since you give your 9 year old sips of wine, it does rather undermine your argument!!

I don't get the big issue. It was squash in a champagne flute. It tastes the same whatever vessel it is drunk from.

I couldn't get het up over this at all and even after reading all of your updates, I cannot see why you are.

It's not something that it would have occurred to me to do, but that doesn't make it a problem. It was a bit of fun for the kids. I don't think it will encourage them to grow into alcoholics.

This has got to be a joke/posted for clicks/something?!

People do call things 'birthday' when it's their birthday. 'Birthday party' 'birthday tea' 'birthday cake' 'birthday drinks'. I think you'll see from all the responses that your reaction to what they are called is not shared by ..... anyone!

The fact that they were served in a glass you didn't approve of?! Also a very odd thing to be annoyed about.

And to be annoyed that they were served non alcoholic drinks at 9 when you let your daughter have sips of your wine is also mind boggling.

The way things are going it's quite likely your kid won't even drink as an adult. They'll still have fancy glasses on special occasions though

I'm with you OP. Really inappropriate to be encouraging pre teens to be mini adults.

The mum in my eyes is almost doing the opposite re alcohol. Making it into this massively glamorous thing

Don't be absurd. The mum is making birthday drinks into a glamorous thing, which is fine. I did the same for all of my kids. They had ‘fancy’ soft drink (we never had soft drink in the house, was only ever for special occasions), in cocktail glassware. It didn’t force them to grow up or to covet alcohol.

I asked all of mine to not drink alcohol until after 25yo due to brain development blah blah. Some didn’t drink after that, guess just couldn’t be bothered at that point. Others did but just the odd one now and again at celebrations or out with friends. I have one who refused the 25yo request and drank alcohol the day they turned 18yo but they are my wild child and this replicates their behaviour in other areas. Giving kids a special time for birthdays (including fancy non alcohol drinks in cocktail glasses), does not lead to growing up too early🤣.

Funnily, I’m usually called a grinch on here as we stopped birthday celebrations when each kid reached high school age as we view it as a ‘forced hallmark celebration’. So I’m pretty chuffed with the fact that we obviously went ‘wild’ according to OP when we did celebrate them for the kids.

I serve soft drinks in wine glasses to the entire family on a weeknight. I think it's nice to think that glasses are not necessarily for alcohol and it's just a container for a drink.

Yeah it’s much better to actually serve your nine-year old real alcohol.

That's next week.

Don’t 9/10 year olds make up their own minds about who they want to be friends with though? You can identify like-minded families but how do you force friendships between the kids? You can’t really control that like you can with tiny children.