9 year old served ‘birthday drinks’ at sleepover

[Calpi]

My daughter recently attended a birthday sleepover. The girls are 9 years old which I thought was slightly on the young side so I was a little hesitant but agreed.

I have just seen some pictures and I really am not happy. The girls were given ‘birthday drinks’. They were only squash and obviously no alcohol was used but they were served in actual plastic flutes. The drink was bright pink with fizzy sweets in the glass but I’m not happy.

The mum in question parents very differently. Her 9 year old gets bought VERY expensive skincare products. And her daughter acts like a
full on teen - we’re talking crop tops, Stanley cups, skincare, TikTok dances, eyeshadow etc. I have been in the girl’s bedroom and she has a dressing table completely covered in drunk elephant etc. The mum is into that overconsumption stuff she sees online. Fine, parent how you want but I want my daughter to have a childhood and to not be adultified.

AIBU in thinking this was massively inappropriate? Why couldn’t they have just made milkshakes or smoothies? Or an ice cream sundae?

Gordon Bennet! The Shirley Temple mocktail was invented so Shirley could have a cocktail. That was in the 1930's.

Next stop crack cocaine though, clearly.

OP, at my daughter's 2nd birthday party my stepdaughter had a whole mocktail making table set up with umbrellas and the lot! I wish you'd been there because I would have loved to have seen your reaction to seeing a room full of toddlers drinking mixed juice.

Whilst I wouldn't approve of the parenting style, I don't see an issue with cordial in plastic flutes. If anything, it teaches the kids that you can have the fancy drink without it being alcohol...

We were one of the first schools in our city, a rough area, to take our Year 11 for a dinner and disco at a fairly posh, and brave, hotel, the rules included no alcohol before or during the event. On Monday I was asking my Year 11s if they'd enjoyed it and one boy said, in all seriousness, Miss, I didn't realise you could have so much fun without getting pis.., er, drunk!

When I was a kid I used to drink dandelion and burdock and tell everyone it was beer. It was harmless fun, I knew it was only pop.
When I was older I never really liked alcohol and I don't drink it now. I don't think you need to worry about pretend cocktails.
Your daughter will grow up well rounded and knowing how to relate to lots of different kinds of people if you let her join in with the way other families do things (obviously not if they live in a drugs den!).

I’ve taken a photo of badge book for Guides. This is aimed at 10-13 yr olds. I think there’s similar for brownies (7-9) too.
It’s always popular never had a parent complain (it’s just one badge - most are more improving and skills based badges!)
We are doing it again in a few weeks to celebrate the new ones making their promise as a little party.

This it's lovely isn't it.
I bet the girls felt really special

whilst there’s nothing wrong with this parents approach it is not one that is in line with my values, and so it wouldn’t be a friendship I’d facilitate.
This is not a friendship you wish to cultivate, and that’s ok.
I wouldnt discuss it with the other mother, but if it offends you so much I think I’d just cool the friendship slowly .

Demystify alcohol 😂 come on op

This screams 'fuck, whole of mn is jumping on me for being ott about juice. Quick, post something cool so I'm not seen as ridiculous'

I am pretty shocked that you let your child actually sip your wine. Why do they need to do that?

lol. If you don't like the way another parent parents their child, don't permit your child to sleep over at their house. You are seriously angry because your 9 year old had a mocktail at a celebration? This is bonkers OP and you really need to reign it in or your daughter is going to massively resent you in years to come.

My teen girls went through this stage in their tween years - obsessed with make up, doing their nails, hair etc.
One had a "beauty parlour" birthday party in the house around that age and it was all face packs, having their nails done etc etc.
They grew out of it and are now just regular older teens who have sensible skin care routines and wear minimal make up.
They have also had mocktails galore over the years but neither drinks much either.

Calm down OP, it's all part of growing up and your child will be fine.
As others have said, you are the one bringing her up and at this age you are still the biggest influence in her life.

You just don't like the other mum, do you?

in a plastic flute, are you upset it wasn't the finest crystal ?

maybe the parents thought the children may break crystal glasses ? and if broken they could cut themselves with broken glass.

And yet the same mum is happy to give her 9 year old wine, why is fancy glasses not ok but actual alcohol is ok…?

So you giving your child actual alcohol = okay
Someone not giving your child actual alcohol = bad

Got it.

Seriously though, while I wouldn't subscribe to that parent's methods of bringing up their child, fizzy drinks and sweets in a special glass wouldn't bother me at all 🤷‍♀️ Kids will frequently interact with children whose lifestyles and home environments are different from yours. That's just growing up.

Have not RTFT and slightly off topic but drunk elephant products are way too harsh for 9 year old skin - their skin barrier is still developing and using products with actives in can damage it for life!
As for the pop in a fancy glass, you’re projecting your distaste for this girl’s family onto one weirdly specific thing, better to face it head on and teach your girl that different people value and prioritise different things, parent in different ways and live different lives and that their way is no better or worse than yours. Also, at 9/10 they are becoming their own person, she isn’t a carbon copy of you and will take an interest in things you think are not worthwhile/interesting etc but you have to give her the space to explore and draw her own conclusions

I honestly thought you were going to say your 9 year old had been served alcohol. However, an age appropriate soft drink served in a fun glass sounds lovely. I bet the girls felt so special & grown up. I remember being given a glass of Shloer in a champagne glass at a friend's 10th birthday. It felt very special and decadent. I'm now 45 and still think of that memory and smile.
I'm pretty sure this one off experience won't set your daughter on a downwards spiral into debauchery!
Focus on her enjoyment of the sleepover and move on.

When mine were little we used to go to a hotel every October half term - it was really really cheap then! - and they had a children's bar which they just loved. It sold cocktails in flutes - a pink elephant was ribena with soda water and an umbrella - little girl bliss!!

Cocktails are fine if they don't have alcohol.

Why are they any worse than drinking sugary squash or juice?

Your flabber will be gasted OP but when I was a child we had sweets that were like cigarettes.

I used to love this as a child, I’d feel so grown up. I think it’s completely fine, it’s not real alcohol and it’s some harmless fun. I don’t think it will do any lasting damage.

The mum is into that overconsumption stuff she sees online. Fine, parent how you want but I want my daughter to have a childhood and to not be adultified.

Well. It's clearly not fine to you, is it? Your post is laden with judgement.

Or she is glamorising mocktails and alcohol free fun is still grown up. Likely not glamorosing anything.

You are overthinking it.

Honestly just chill. I actually thought by the title they were alcoholic drinks. I think there's more to worry about than a mock tail

You're in the minority who can't separate their opinion of the mother from any of her behaviours.

I'm not a big fan of conspicuous consumption, I think kids should be kids, blah blah whatever, but whatever I think of anti aging skin care for a 9 year old doesn't have anything to do with sweet drinks in funny glasses