To feel I’m treated badly when out with the buggy?

[Babybelle23]

I live near london so maybe that’s a factor. But for the past couple of days I’ve noticed a few tuts and sighs and just generally the feeling of being in the way when out with my baby in the buggy. An example was yesterday in a charity shop picking up a few books, paid and went to put them away and within literally three seconds, the guy serving went “can you move that? Other people are waiting” referring to my child in the buggy. Just a few instances like that I’ve noticed. I’ve only recently started going out everyday on my own (due to post partum anxiety) so maybe I’m being hyper aware? And I never notice it when I’m with my partner. Does anyone else notice this?

Yep, this is a thing from some extremely rude people. Ignore them, OP. I had bad anxiety after my first, and had always struggled. You know what fixed it? Adopting a "fuck this" attitude.

I was so sick of the huffing about prams on trains, people walking straight at me despite trying to swerve. One woman in a shop jumped ahead of me one day when I had a screaming baby, and I just snapped. She kept saying "having a baby doesn't give you a right to service!" - I was ahead of her in the queue! I'm afraid I lost it (calmly!), and I'll never forget her horrible face. The woman at the till gave me my little truffles for free.

Some people are just nasty bastards. Use this time to advocate for yourself. You've got a pram - that's not a problem. All the complaints do is highlight foul tempered cretins. It was always worse when I was alone. And breastfeeding in public, lordy shit. May as well have wiggled around half naked for some of the comments I got.

BUT.

On the other hand, there was the lady who helped me change my 2 week old in a restaurant loo when I was sobbing. There was the older woman who walked over and squeezed my shoulder when she saw me breastfeeding and a group of men laughing. There are good people too, I promise. This will pass, you can do it. It's so hard and it's so scary but it does get easier.

I did notice this attitude when living in the UK. I now live in the Mediterranean and people don't act like this.

Agreed. In Norway it's not like this either. We spend a lot of time there as DH is Norwegian, and the culture is totally different. Kids are far more accepted. The UK Victorian culture about kids has kind of gone but lingers in a lot of spaces.

Call them out on it. Every time. Ask them to clarify what they mean and remain where you are standing. You and your baby are allowed to exist in public.

When walking in the street remember that it actually hurts to be hit/rolled over by a pram. You literally have an advantage over rude, pushy people who think they have right of way.

I'm sorry you've experienced that. I've found the complete opposite in London. People have stopped to help me lift the buggy up steps, made space in lifts, people have said 'after you' and been generally accommodating. At the shop yesterday, a lady said to me 'when you've finished come to the till and I will scan everything for you, it's easier with the pushchair' (she opened up the till especially). When my daughter dropped her toy a lady literally ran to pick it up and said 'ypu do enough running around, I'll get it'. Out and about people make a fuss of my baby. Never experienced any unpleasantness except for some unsolicited advice in the very newborn stage (some people can't help themselves!). Just make sure you are being considerate with the pushchair, ie. Not obviously blocking the pavements when you are stationary, not assuming you have priority over someone who is disabled, not having an iPad or phone on loud so everyone can hear Peppa pig. Etc.

Yup. I'm not ashamed to say I've employed the "okay, don't move then" and rolled. Then you get the shocked looks, but when you've said "excuse me, please", a million times? Sod them.

Gosh I’m sorry you’re having a hard time OP. It’s fantastic that you’re feeling well enough to be out and about with your baby and don’t let inconsiderate, rude, entitled people stop you. Your baby has as much right to be in public as anyone else and your pram is what facilitates that so it should be welcome too.

I live in Melbourne, Australia and have a baby with a relatively large pram - Uppababy Vista - great but huge and difficult to get around!

I have never experienced anything but kindness from strangers when out with the pram - a few people know us by name in the local park we are there so often. Cafes are welcoming of my mother’s group and help make space for high chairs and prams. Noise is expected with babies/small children.
Usually people wave or smile at my daughter, often make a kind comment about her. Never had a single complaint or even really struggled to get the pram anywhere because everywhere we have been so far has been wheelchair accessible, therefore pram accessible too (of course this isn’t as easy to achieve in European cities but wherever possible prams should be accommodated).

It is not a British thing. It is being a twat thing.

Add spikes to the wheels like the car in grease and then 1, 2, 3...ram the ankles.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. It's quite annoying when people act like that when you are already having difficulty getting around.

We are in Germany and DD is 3 months now. Her pram is rather heavy. (I'm using her very heavy lie-flat car seat on top at the moment. It'll be lighter once she's old enough for the normal seat.) However, I've been surprised by how friendly and helpful people have been. I get help getting the pram up and down stairs. People have stopped to look and smile at her and have a little chat. I've had people let me jump the queue or offered to put my shopping away/take it to the car for me. Breastfeeding out and about hasn't been an issue at all.
I've had one person give us dirty looks when we turned up with two newborns on prams at a cafe and I had to move a table to put them either side of ours. That was the only time so far now, though, and I just ignored the grumpy old man.

Just tey to ignore the horrible people and focus on having a lovely time with your little one.

Yes important to remember there are some good people.

Well done for sticking up for yourself!!

God no! Ive never experienced this in fact I was just saying the opposite of this to my mum the other day. I really notice how helpful and kind people are when I’m out with a buggy! People are always helping with stairs, holding doors open, stepping out of the way on paths. Can honestly say I’ve never felt people are frustrated with my buggy. And I’m practically treated like the queen when I have the double buggy (kids 1 and 3). Live in Scotland, just outside Glasgow.

I couldn't believe how many young men just run around you when you have a buggy, cutting straight in front of you and often right under your feet.

@Motherofdragons20 honestly as an English person who moved to Scotland I find people in Scotland are generally better-mannered around this stuff, less rushed and more considerate, even than in the north of england where I'm from.

Once a man came up to me in a restaurant demanding I moved my buggy and tutting and huffing at me. Though it wasn’t mine, it belonged to man who had parked it and gone and sat upstairs with his child. Funnily enough the complainer didn’t go and rant at the actual owner of the buggy.

Where do you live? I live in Birmingham and have never encountered this here. Everyone seems to love babies and toddlers and be so happy to see them/ always want to engagewith them. But on a trip to Oxford I encountered exactly the attitude you described and it was horrible. People there were so intolerant.

YANBU - I live in Brighton and used to have to push my buggy out into the road when single adult men and groups of young adults would plain ignore me along our very narrow pavements.

When I was out with DH they were always polite and respectful, and later I learnt to stand my ground and just tell them to move!

A bit presumptuous to presume all English are less friendly than the small proportion of Scots you know.

YANBU. Some people see you as a legitimate target for random judgement and criticism as a young woman, and this focus doubles when you have a small child with you. It just seems to send some people crazy that you are out in public with a baby or toddler, going about your day.

I remember meeting up with other mums in a café and some guy having a loud rant about feckless teenage single mothers. I was one of the youngest in the group and 29.

But yes, people could be friendly and helpful too. Usually the younger ones.

UppaBaby Thunder Road edition!

If there’s one thing I’ve discovered since having a kid, it’s that a very large proportion of people are absolute miserable bastards. There’s a lot of kindness from strangers out there but it’s always the unkindness you remember sadly.

OP I'm sorry you've been going through this anxiety and it's rubbish that you've had negative experiences from what sound like potentially rude or thoughtless people. To echo others, it is great that you're getting out with the buggy more often and I hope this doesn't stop you.

One thing I will add is that I think one aspect of this might be the focus of your attention. What I mean is that a buggy evokes loads of reactions - negative, positive and to be fair mostly neutral. One negative experience or existing anxiety will leave us primed to notice and focus on all the negative reactions from then on; it will also have a ripple effect on how we act ourselves and how others respond to us. The opposite is also true.

To illustrate: I am experiencing some big mood swings at the moment and have found my buggy experience is radically different depending on my mood. Most of the time I go out feeling excited and proud to be out with DC (a bit ridiculously OTT maybe); I smile at everyone I pass and loads of people seem happy to smile back; if there are any negative reactions, I don't even register them; I swear people stop and chat to me more. In contrast on dark days I go out and notice myself sort of avoiding eye contact, probably exuding vibes of stress; it's like a force field keeping people away; I swear I notice eye rolls and frowns all the time. I am also conscious that I noticed a similar contrast in my own reactions and in other people's responses when I went out shopping before having DC (I've always been a bit prone to low mood and anxiety and to feeling embarrassed to be taking up space).

Of course some people will be dicks no matter what vibe you give off so I'm in no way saying you are somehow at fault for how people respond to you or that you have the power to change it. I guess there is the reality that buggies are a bit bulky and get in the way in small shops and some people are impatient and snappy about this because apparently their browsing is oh so important that they can't wait a few seconds for another person to get past with the small human she is raising.

Just maybe some food for thought. I make a point to tell myself that my DC and I have every right to be out and about and to take up space - especially on dark days when I need this reminder.

YANBU - there are a minority of people who are outrageously rude around prams.

I must confess (and this is massively ignorant of me and I’m ashamed to be honest) that it wasn’t until I had a pram I realised how difficult it must be for people dependent on wheelchairs to get around. Since then I’ve noticed how some bits of pavement/entrances etc just aren’t adapted for wheelchair use. Even worse, some people seem to go out of their way to bash into people in wheelchairs or stop them from passing. I think this is a small minority but it is absolutely shameful.

please continue to go out with the buggy and yes as a pp said… if you’ve asked nicely a few times then a little tap to the ankles is deserved in my opinion

This is so funny. I also swear I've never had a negative reaction to children in Birmingham and that smaller wealthier towns are worse 😆 Maybe it's a grumpy tourist vs relaxed locals thing? Are people more entitled when on a day trip / holiday? Or my preferred interpretation: Brummies and most Midlanders are just lovely on the whole.

Seriously????
Because people don't jump to your command, you think it's ok to assault them? Are deaf people exempt from your contempt? Anyone else?
In my experience, if you are polite, people will move aside?
I really never had the problem the OP explained? But I was very aware that with a buggy, that I was larger and less agile on pavements and shop aisles ... and tried not to block and otherwise be aware of who was around me.
On the other hand I have been hit by people pushing buggies (not often) .... and in those instances it's been people who didn't even slow down or there was nowhere for me to get out of their way.....
"Excuse me".... which should be accompanied by a "please".... is a request, not a command.

I really sorry OP that sounds awful. I’ve had 2 kids in London and Manchester so pushed a buggy for 6 years or so and honestly never had a negative interaction and most people were lovely! Having said that I was probably more blissfully unaware and didn’t see any rolled eyes or cross looks potentially. You’re just living your life with a baby- ignore them. As long as you aren’t taking up loads of room unnecessarily which I’m sure you aren’t then smile and carry on.