To feel I’m treated badly when out with the buggy?

[Babybelle23]

I live near london so maybe that’s a factor. But for the past couple of days I’ve noticed a few tuts and sighs and just generally the feeling of being in the way when out with my baby in the buggy. An example was yesterday in a charity shop picking up a few books, paid and went to put them away and within literally three seconds, the guy serving went “can you move that? Other people are waiting” referring to my child in the buggy. Just a few instances like that I’ve noticed. I’ve only recently started going out everyday on my own (due to post partum anxiety) so maybe I’m being hyper aware? And I never notice it when I’m with my partner. Does anyone else notice this?

I think you’re projecting your anxiety for the most part.
While you will obviously encounter the odd miserable person I don’t think people general treat women with prams with a level of distain.
I’ve pushed two kids in prams about London in the last handful of years and don’t recognise this.

It’s not just you. Rarely do I get much help with the buggy in London/Surrey. People do see you as an inconvenience but it’s the culture towards children as they’re seen as being ‘in the way’. When we visit Latvia my mum is always surprised by how quickly someone will help you, literally within 30 seconds or less. If you need to go down the subway, helping you carry the buggy, on/off buses and trains, stairs into shops. However been to Scotland a few times and it was completely different to England and people are a lot more friendly and helpful. They also don’t make you feel like you’re asking them to jump to you command 😂 If I’m out on my own I help others, open doors etc. Maybe help an older person off the bus or whatever. Life has changed, people are busier and more focused on themselves.

My experience is completely the opposite. I was actually just thinking about how much I'll miss my pram/buggy because everyone is so accommodating. I've never had as many cars stop to let me cross or people rushing to get doors for me 🤷‍♀️

I'm up north but I'm not sure if that makes a difference.

99% of people in London are so quick to help you with a buggy. And very lovely about mums being out and about with tiny babies. Big shout out to the lovely lady who told me how great I was for breastfeeding my second on a packed train. You do get the odd huffy person but you have to learn to let it slide off you. I'm sure a lot of other people thought the cashier was being snippy too.

I had PPD and remember being so self conscious about my baby crying or the buggy taking up space. Then a lovely therapist reminded me that babies have a right to be in the world too (within reason, obviously wouldn't take one to a romantic restaurant at 9pm and I tried to slip out of rooms where possible). And you have a right to be places with your buggy. Ignore the idiots.

Can I add France as well? I remember having some unpleasant reactions in the UK from people and staff annoyed at a buggy in a cafe and restaurant- followed soon after by a totally different experience in a restaurant by the river in Bayeux. The waiter walked ahead of me quickly moving chairs out the way, grabbed the high chair which was spotless, put it up, and asked if there was anything else we needed. Everyone smiled at DS, 6 months. I felt like royalty.

Never had this in the UK thankfully but have experienced this in Luxembourg several times when visiting family.

When in London I’ve had nothing but kindness from everyone!

Yep!

I’m in SW London. My kids are now 2 & 3 and I have a double buggy. The attitude towards children generally in this country is something else. I find it even worse when you’re on the bus and people will refuse to move or act as if they don’t hear you saying excuse me.

Honestly, I’m just rude back to them. Try not to have anxiety, people are just dicks. There are also nice people who will offer to help you take your buggy off the bus, will hold open doors etc so it’s not ALL bad

I should say that using the bus in Liverpool was usually fine - I often had an offer of help to lift the buggy off. My French friends told me it was routine for drivers to jump out of the cab to help parents on their own lift buggies on and off.

I find some people to act awful when they have a pushchair.
I was shopping with my teen daughter and someone with a pram screamed fucking move at her because they would have had to very slightly turn their pram to avoid her.

The entitlement some have is insane so yeah they do annoy people.

That person is probably awful with or without a pushchair.

I don’t recognise this either and have had 4 children and live in London. I have had a double buggy and never noticed this at all so I can’t say I agree. The only time I hear people tutting and sighing is when one woman gets on the bus after school with her buggy makes everyone move out the way (it’s an extremely crowded bus as its after school) she comes on the back, everyone has to move out of her way all just to go one stop, it’s London so it’s literally a minute or two walk. (Definitely not physically disabled before anyone suggests) that does get a lot of tuts and sighs so as long as you’re not doing things like that…

Yeah I agree with this, I've seen a mother yell at a whole group of strangers because no one was helping her with her buggy. I don't think they even saw or understood she might need help, being a group of uni students in mid conversation.

I happily move for wheelchairs, people with walking aids, canes, support dogs etc, but I don't always for pushchairs because they chose to be in that situation and chose to use a pushchair instead of a sling (assuming 1 child of course). Babywearing so much easier, especially in cities.

I would say that’s quite unusual and obviously she’s like that with or without a pushchair

Yanbu I’d say 95% of people are very nice about it but 5% are total a*holes about prams.

I’ve literally had to tell people I can’t move my pram into the busy road to get past etc. and they’ll have to stand to the side to have their chat with their friends in the middle of a narrow pavement!!! And then eye rolling when I walk into a cafe etc.

I'm in London and most people are fine and helpful. If they're not I just ignore them like I would do if I was driving and needed to change lane last minute or drive slowly to look for an address - it annoys people but they can just wait.
Also I remember the first time I took my baby on a bus and didn't know etiquette of how to put buggy to make space for two- another mum asked me to move and I just told her it was my first time with him on a bus - she instantly became a lot nicer. I think she had assumed I was being rude. As you get used to having your big pram you'll get more aware of your surroundings.
Funnily enough the only place I have felt the buggy was difficult to fit in was local charity shops - bigger shops are fine but as mums we often do want to go into charity shops to donate or get new supplies for our ever growing babies!

I've never had so many people say hello and chat to me though! They all want to smile and wave at baby

It might have been easier for you but not for me. Some prefer the pushchair. Mine have their naps in the pushchair.

I dont remember ever finding that when my children were babies but if I did I wouldnt have been bothered, some people are rude, don't give them the power to ruin your day

But, we dont know the situation, perhaps you didnt realise you were blocking the way.

Purely anecdotally I have found that charity shops employees are statistically heavy with the poor of social skills 😁

I think the issue is a lot of people, especially women in my experience, seem to think just because they have a buggy or pram people need to jump to their command and act very ignorantly to the people around them. It might be people are assuming you are the same and preempting such behaviour from you. I mean look at this thread - threatening to ram people because they don’t move as quick as you like or the assumption they have right of way?! Shocking.

I definitely notice this OP. I think that having a baby in public seems to really polarise people's attitudes towards you - it makes nice people ten times nicer to you, and mean people ten times meaner!

That's so rubbish you've had that so much! I had my baby in Kingston so more like Surrey than London but a busy place, and I felt I was treated like royalty when I was out with a buggy! People offered help, smiling at me etc, to the point where if I went out without buggy or baby to run an errand I felt I'd faded back into obscurity again.

The only issue I had was in Edinburgh Station, a woman desperate to get space in the dog eat dog world of luggage racks was behind me walking on a busy platform to her carriage and actually had a go that she couldn't get by as I was "weaving", as I was having to move out of randoms way a lot with huge pulley cases ahead of me as they moved about And kept hitting the pram but i could slow down ekther as there was a huge throng of people behind me. Actually spoke to me to tell me off while I was hefting a huge rucksack on my back, baby in the pram and a rucksack on my front aswell🤣 A calm but firm reply had her on her way.

Other than that and in London always had good experience, there is a wierd attitude some people have though of if you've had a baby they think you think you're owed the earth and people must move out of the way and accommodate you etc. Forgetting once upon a time they also were baby's with tired mums navigating the world too.

I've not had many bad experiences in the UK. But, I will say people seem kinder/ more warm to babies and children (and by extension their parents) when I have been in Italy, Spain, Morocco, Thailand etc.

I's also echo how lovely everyone is in Birmingham if you have babies (we visit friends and family there semi-frequently and even the teenage boys trying to look cool on the train were sweet and helpful with the buggy.)

London is hit and miss. There are actually lots of friendly and helpful people in London, but also lots of grumpy people.

Only place I have had people turn about breastfeeding was Eastbourne. And my baby was only 3 weeks old and we were totally covered by a scarf.

Try being in a wheelchair - then the unpleasantness really starts. 🤷‍♀️

I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience. I feel very in the way with my pram ( i live ruraly so have a large 3 wheel pram). I actually avoid lots of shops and coffee shops in case there is not space, but I think other mums ( and dads) are more confident in asking people to move and making space and likely less sensitive than me. I don't there is a right or wrong.

Have you tried baby wearing? That's the only way I feel confident going shoping, granted its harder to try things on and I need a ruch sack on back ( baby on front) but i felt soo much more confident being out and about and less in the way ! When baby was little lots of people didn't even realise i had a baby on front in a sling. There is a really helpful facebook group.

When I do have a pram out and about it's also made me more mindful of others who are less mobile ( elderly / people with walkers or wheel chairs ect) I've found I'm so much more understanding of the difficulties they must have and a few times me and some one using a wheel chair have ' ganged up' on grumpy queue pushers. Had a great ( or not so) experience at an airport with a CF !

As long as you are polite and aware of your surroundings ignor the idiots! Also try and remember all the nice interactions everyday to try and over come the natural negativity bias.

Never experienced this and have had 3 children.I think people are generally helpful and considerate.