To feel I’m treated badly when out with the buggy?

[Babybelle23]

I live near london so maybe that’s a factor. But for the past couple of days I’ve noticed a few tuts and sighs and just generally the feeling of being in the way when out with my baby in the buggy. An example was yesterday in a charity shop picking up a few books, paid and went to put them away and within literally three seconds, the guy serving went “can you move that? Other people are waiting” referring to my child in the buggy. Just a few instances like that I’ve noticed. I’ve only recently started going out everyday on my own (due to post partum anxiety) so maybe I’m being hyper aware? And I never notice it when I’m with my partner. Does anyone else notice this?

Not denying your experience OP but on balance I haven't had that experience. I've always been quite stunned by how completely loopy the general public appear to be about little kids/babies. People are always smiling, waving, and stopping to chat with DS even as a baby 🤨 I'm in Scotland, but when I went to London I found the same (maybe a bit less interaction with DS) but people helped me with the buggy without asking.

That really sucks, I’m sorry you’ve been experiencing this! I have to say, my experience couldn’t be more different! My son is a toddler now but when he used to go in his pram, people used to be so kind; jumping to help me get down steps/tighter spots, offering to hold something for me as needed, general cooing over my boy which as a ftm I just loved, even offering to hold him/push him around if I was eating or something (I tended to decline that one but still kind)! I don’t live anywhere near London, or anything similar, v small town Devon, so about as different as it could be I guess!

Agreed. I had my babies in Belgium and France, then moved to England and the difference in attitude towards children was so noticable. I now live in a Scandi country and it's a lot friendlier than England. It's weird because English, well all Brits, are percieved to be so polite by other nationalities but it seems that doesn't stretch to children.

I've had both experiences (not so much solely buggy-related, as we were often sling users, but with small children). The PP who mentioned London - absolutely, Londoners are epic. I always got offered seats for the dc on the tube when they were younger and once a TfL worker carried my luggage all the way down the stairs for me when I had said luggage + preschooler + baby in sling. I've also had the odd very horrible comment - when dc1 was just about 2 and I was visibly pg with dc2 I had exactly the same sort of comment as a PP about teenage single mothers 'breeding' - was walking along the street minding my own business.

I do think there's a degree to which people think of the young new generation as 'public property', for good or ill. Misogyny does the rest on the negative side. (Should add I have bf three dc for years each and only ever encountered positivity. Not in UK, admittedly, but even when visiting there it's been fine, except once in a shop where it was suggested I might be 'more comfortable' doing it elsewhere).

(Should add I was not a teenager, not that that should matter)

@yeaitsmeagain I happily move for wheelchairs, people with walking aids, canes, support dogs etc, but I don't always for pushchairs because they chose to be in that situation and chose to use a pushchair instead of a sling (assuming 1 child of course). Babywearing so much easier, especially in cities.

This is a really weird view. Prams can’t suddenly take up less space whereas people can squeeze a bit, walk slightly angled to the side etc. It’s a pretty nasty view of the world to think ‘this was your choice so I will not bend in any tiny way to make a situation less difficult”.
I’ve never found baby wearing easier, having to carry the baby while physically also carrying everything they need for the day while walking about was exhausting. Assuming everyone is being difficult because you found baby wearing easier is nuts.

Firstly want to say that this isn't justified. But also a lot of our towns aren't great places for pedestrians. Someone upthread mentioned Oxford - full of tourists, students, immigrants who don't get British etiquette, people in from the villages for shopping etc. etc. Pedestrian numbers are huge but roads are still built to prioritise motor transport. It's overcrowded and busy and people get annoyed, and maybe sometimes this leads to them snapping unreasonably at the woman with the buggy, who has the misfortune of being the fifteenth person to get in their way that day.

If our towns were designed better I bet this kind of problem would be reduced.

People can be impatient and many shops are small. Were you being considerate of where you had the buggy or moving it when it was polite to? If you're being aware of other people, then I'd just ignore them an get on with your day - their grumpiness isn't your problem!

Some people are rude and dismissive of people with buggies but equally there are some people with buggies who are really inconsiderate and entitled in their behaviour. All you can do is not be the latter, the rest is up to other people how they behave. Don't let it stress you out.

I've had both negative and positive comments from strangers. On the one hand I have lots of help with the buggy and toddler in tow. On the whole I'd say the majority have been lovely and accommodating and wanting to help. A few miserable people make me feel like an inconvenience for having a buggy but I've learnt to be overly nice and smile to make them feel bad haha.

Post partum anxiety is awful though, I'm only just coming out the other side, so I'm sure the anxiety isn't helping but just know that you're doing your absolute best and the people who are rude can do one!

I've had instances like this too from men! Really annoys me that they would say it to me if I were a man. Bloody cowards

It can be annoying when you want to pay & you can't because the person in front hasn't moved to the side.

Obviously not always possible but some people with or without prams are just oblivious!

I'm London/Surrey based and see plenty of people being helped with their buggies. Can't vouch for everyone but most people seem nice. When I worked in retail for a very yummy mummy favoured brand we used to use the "double buggy width" test to help us work out our vis-merch angling and distancing in store!

Re taking a buggy being a choice vs baby wearing. No, it's not always so. I have weak and now severely damaged hypermobile ankles. I've had nasty falls, often forwards or almost flat on my front. I wouldn't risk wearing a baby. Whilst yes, that's still my choice, I feel it's a choice driven by risk and so not really a free choice. My fall risk is higher than most. Babies are much safer in a pram or buggy than attached to me.The worry about a fall when pregnant is frightening enough. Might be niche on my part but I find that attitude smug, blinkered and judgemental. You don't know why someone has made that choice just by looking.

The OP said she is near London, not in it. There's a big difference (which I assume is why she made that clear).

Can you simper and smile ‘ could I put the buggy here for a minute while I pay? ‘
i think tired busy mums possibly look a bit glum -not surprisingly, so smile a lot instead if you can be arsed

I happily move for wheelchairs, people with walking aids, canes, support dogs etc, but I don't always for pushchairs because they chose to be in that situation and chose to use a pushchair instead of a sling (assuming 1 child of course). Babywearing so much easier, especially in cities.

What if people have shopping to do? Especially in cities where you don't want to take a car? It's not always 'easier' to babywear.

People with buggies shouldn't behave like arseholes but people without them shouldn't be arseholes either. Who are you to judge who 'chose' to be in that situation? A wheelchair user could have caused a road accident for all you know! Would they qualify for having chosen that? What do you think would happen if people chose to stop having children?

Exactly. I am clumsy (I have an eye condition) so worried about tripping.

This OP.
There are cheeky bastards everywhere. You have as much right to be there as the next person.
Call them out on it EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Well done for getting out of the housebwith your little one. If people keep walking at you and won't move, a good shove of the buggy at their ankles usually puts them out of your way.
Hugs OP x

I'm on DC number 3 now and I refuse to accept this shit.
My 4 year old has additional needs so sometimes needs his adopted pushchair. A couple of weeks ago there were a man blocking the pavement I said excuse me twice and then ran the pushchair in to his foot and ankle.
This is a heavy pushchair and he spouted a load of abuse at me and I informed him he needs to learn to listen when people ask him to move.
People who walk straight at me even when I've moved also get caught with the pushchair. I'm not moving six times because you want to be a twat.
You will find good people at there who will help and as you get more used to it it'll bother you less. Please don't let these idiots stop you going out and about with your baby.

It works both ways OP. A good handful of times - I've been rammed in the back of the legs with a buggy by a frustrated mother barging people out the way to get past.

It's just people OP - there are pricks everywhere who think they're more entitled than the next person.

I don't want to sound trite but look for the good - the smiles people will give a baby on a tube. The way busy people in suits, who don't know each other and are racing to work, will approach a parent and buggy at stairs and will just pick the buggy up like it's weightless and carry it & with a simple nod, no words exchanged then they continue on their own way.

People are just busy in London and they're pretty horrible to everyone to be honest but there are these little nuggets of culture that are quite heartwarming.

Just be thankful you're not a tourist with a camera - Londoners are vicious to them 😅

YANBU like a pp I was shocked when I discovered how difficult it actually is getting around with a pushchair and it made me realise how hard it is for wheelchair users also.

Generally speaking I had ok experiences and I was always careful to be considerate of others, sometimes to my detriment. Once when I was holding a door open to get the pushchair through and this woman came up to me, tutted and pushed past me 🙄 Another woman behind her rolled her eyes at HER, told her she was rude and opened the door for me!

Then another time I was in the middle of a packed street fair, the road was absolutely jammed with people so we had all come to a stop because we couldn't move, we were all squashed together like sardines. The pushchair wheel must have literally touched this guy's foot - nothing more, as I said, we were at a stop, he turned round and looked at me scathingly while brushing his shoe, saying "I'm sick of all these women with pushchairs!" I just glared at him, his girlfriend / the girl who was with him looked really embarrassed. I hope she dumped him eventually 😇

I happily move for wheelchairs, people with walking aids, canes, support dogs etc, but I don't always for pushchairs because they chose to be in that situation and chose to use a pushchair instead of a sling (assuming 1 child of course). Babywearing so much easier, especially in cities.

FOR YOU. So because you believe that using a sling is much easier than a pushchair, you won’t move out of the way for one?🤣🤣 what the actual fuck.

When I had my first, the anaesthetist accidentally punctured my spine when giving me an epidural. I was in the hospital for about 3 weeks and had to learn how to walk again. When I was finally allowed to be outside with my baby alone, I used a pushchair because I couldn’t carry anything heavier than a bag of sugar. But you wouldn’t move out of the way because in your opinion, I’m in central London and should be using a sling. Craziest thing I’ve ever read on here

!!!

Never noticed this over 3dc and nannying more in south of England.

I've always had people offering to help when the buggy needs lifting or folding, without asking. People saying to go in front, or helping with bags etc.
Even on the tube I've had people moving aside for a buggy or offering me a seat.

And I've had some lovely chats with people over the buggy. Young people, old people, men and women, no distinction.

I don't recognise what you're saying. I've maybe had a couple of comments over more than 15 years of pushing a buggy, but countless positive ones.

Very much this. I've seen some unfair behaviour towards parents with buggies, but equally I've seen some entitled behaviour as well, including blocking access to small stores/cafes that would have impeded access for someone using a wheelchair, or mobility aids, or equally other parents using buggies - and refusing to fold the buggy or move it when asked politely. Some parents also let their kids behave badly or unsafely in public places, let their babies scream and don't attend to them or take them out...while people need to have some tolerance for kids being kids and being allowed to be in public spaces, it goes both ways, and some parents don't seem to care about their impact on others at all. Not saying this is you at all OP, but especially in cities I've noticed this being more common. There's less space in urban environments in general, more people rushing about, etc. Space is more at a premium. I live fairly rural and I don't notice the same level of impatience, hurrying etc as I do if I have to, say, go to Glasgow or London for work.

How people react to things also is usually not personal. They might just be having a bad day. They are in a rush/running late and anything that they perceive as an obstacle would provoke anxiety or annoyance. Maybe yesterday they encountered someone with a buggy who was inconsiderate and that's biased their views. If you're just going about your day and are considerate of others, then it's not about you and your baby, it's about what's going on for them, and it's not helpful second guessing or taking it personally. You can only control your own behaviour and all.

Well done getting out and about with your baby OP. Having a pram with you is ridiculously hard. I couldn’t manage it at all, so it put me off going out. The tutting and the huffing and people staring at you whilst you were trying to do something with it, how much physically harder it is to be out with a pram and how much further you end up walking because of everything being so inaccessible. I remember having no idea how to get to my postpartum appointments with my first - the clinic was no more than 2.5 miles away so in easy walking distance but it was nearly a mile longer if you had to take the pram as there were so many routes you couldn’t use it on. The walk was quite the task in the immediate postpartum period, I didn’t have a car, I couldn’t take the bus because I’d obviously have to fold the pram and I didn’t know how I’d manage with the folded pram and the basket and the baby. I didn’t even have the confidence to get a cab because it’d feel like such an imposition to spend the first several unpaid minutes of the journey trying to lean in and over strapping the car seat into an unknown car and folding the pram and lifting it into the boot whilst the driver tapped their foot, and the same on the return journey. If they tried to help they often couldn’t as they didn’t know how all the folding and strapping worked. And then the baby would be in the car seat for too long. It’s no wonder new parents (specifically new mothers) feel trapped in.

It’s why I completely abandoned the idea of a pram after the first few weeks as I was going absolutely stir crazy and having to do the miles of walking for the daily clinic appointments was not aiding my recovery. I feel so awful for wheelchair users who have to navigate all of this daily and do not have a choice, it’s ridiculous how inaccessible the world can be.