To feel I’m treated badly when out with the buggy?

[Babybelle23]

I live near london so maybe that’s a factor. But for the past couple of days I’ve noticed a few tuts and sighs and just generally the feeling of being in the way when out with my baby in the buggy. An example was yesterday in a charity shop picking up a few books, paid and went to put them away and within literally three seconds, the guy serving went “can you move that? Other people are waiting” referring to my child in the buggy. Just a few instances like that I’ve noticed. I’ve only recently started going out everyday on my own (due to post partum anxiety) so maybe I’m being hyper aware? And I never notice it when I’m with my partner. Does anyone else notice this?

I do think it works both ways though - some people with buggies seem to expect that the world be given to them!
I was always very careful not to get in the way, or hold people up when mine were in buggies. I also found most people helpful in holding doors, helping down stairs and on/off trains etc.

I think in shops, it probably is polite to move away from the till to load shopping into a buggy unless you can literally just drop it straight in.

Never encountered this; on the contrary I find people super helpful and warmer than normal when I’ve got a pram.

Yes, it’s definitely a thing. For a woman out with a pram/ pushchair. Men out with a pram/ pushchair are treated super well and people can’t do enough for them.

When we had a make au pair he noticed people falling over themselves to helpful, and it’s a recognised phenomenon with Dads.

Some people let their babies scream?

lol!!!!

I said let them scream and don't attend to them.

Absolutely. OP should be hugely proud of just being out...and alone!

You're better and braver than me, OP. With my second it took me a while. It all came back from the first despite the lessons I'm giving you here, be sodding proud and don't let anyone make you feel small.

I found people really helpful when I had the buggy with me, but I live in a rough "salt of the earth" kind of place.

MiL lived somewhere much "nicer" and always said people here were much more helpful when she was out with the pram here, than when she took other DGC out where she lived.

So true! Part of me was tempted to have another when we went over there (we're moving in a few years), but I really don't want another one. I'd have loved to have had the early years there. It's just so much nicer. Not a single snarl or huff when I spent a few months there when I was depressed. It was like sunshine. The UK can be really harsh with expectations.

I experienced that in shops and narrow pavements when I had a buggy - they can be massive, with SUV-equivalents as well as Mini Cooper-equivalents.

Now I notice people using them as battering rams: parking them deliberately in front of a rail of clothing so nobody else can flick through the hangers; blocking a two-lane supermarket till queue so they can pick Huck one moves faster; FORCING people into the road or a tree pit walking down the pavement so two prams and their drivers can continue chatting side by side without being disturbed.

It’s like everything, good users and bad. You’re just noticing it now because you have one. In a few years you won’t have one anymore and they’ll piss you off mightily.

The pushchair is carrying a vulnerable member of society in it, it isn’t just an inanimate object being taken out for a laugh by an entitled mother… Your system also doesn’t take into account the fact that not everyone can baby wear. Disabled women do have children too.

I think most people are just so caught up in themselves, they forget basic common decency as a result. I have actually done it without realising, like forgetting to thank someone for something as an example but it has never been intentional.

Everyone has their own shit on their plate basically and if they appear rude, they either are actually rude or they’re a decent person who isn’t concentrating and has come across as rude as a result.

Brummie and midlander are lovely! My interpretation is that there is a lot of people with kids/ grandchildren in Brum. Last time I checked we had the youngest population in Europe or something like that. I think we're more tolerant of children and more familiar with normal child behaviour.

Whereas Oxford, or at least the city centre where we were is mainly late teens early twenties students, who were fine to be fair, or very rich older people. They don't come across young children very often because that demographic aren't very present there. Probably because their parents can't afford to live there?

n example was yesterday in a charity shop picking up a few books, paid and went to put them away and within literally three seconds, the guy serving went “can you move that? Other people are waiting” referring to my child in the buggy. He wasn’t referring to your child, he was referring to the buggy.

Because often babies are just babies and they only way they can vocalise things is to scream and cry.
At times I’m three quarters of the way through the food shop, baby might start crying because he done in the pram. I know the only thing that will distract him is getting outside or taking him out of the pram but I’m not going to carry a baby around the shop, while pushing the pram and also the shopping basket.
You can’t just make a baby stop crying because you want them to, they aren’t robots

I didn't say you could and nobody would expect that. You're reading things into what I said that aren't there. I'm talking about parents who might be sitting in a cafe, the baby is crying or their toddler is running amok and they don't even attempt to do anything about it, and just expect everyone else to put up with it, thereby impacting others' ability to enjoy being in that space. Doing your food shop isn't something people generally enjoy, it's an essential activity, and nobody generally goes to supermarkets for a good time. They generally suck for all concerned.

Agreed! It's almost every other country who just gets on and accepts children. The UK is cold.

Thank you so much for the replies, I can’t babywear because I have epilepsy and I have horrors about having a sezuire while she’s strapped to me ( even though I haven’t had one in years). I won’t stop it taking her out and about alone, I just noticed a huge difference to when my partner is with us. I’m not in central London, so maybe that’s better and I should give that a go. I’m in suburbia just outside London. Took her out this morning and made an effort to smile and only had one incident with a cyclist ringing his bell manically behind us lol (we were on a narrow pavement not the cycle lane) just have to focus on the positives you guys are right. She got lots of lovely smiles and waves xxx

You get arseholes everywhere but there is some regional variation is buggy friendliness as well.

Worst place midland town IL lived in followed by another midlands town we lived - people there were either absolutely great or awful - Birmingham and other midland locations were great as were southern cities and northern cities and towns we've been to.

Also when I was having a bay day had more criticism or problems than if I was confident well till I reached point I was done and then I think I gave don't fuck with me vibes off.

This reminds me last week travelling back from France when an elderly man stumbled and tripped getting into the carriage and his wife asked me to help. I said of course...Next to us was a French guy sitting with his laptop completely oblivious of the drama unfolding in front of his face...the elderly woman had to ask him abruptly could he please help here. I tried my best to help but he was too heavy, the French guy got up and helped after being guilt tripped and seeing me struggle....absolutely ridiculous the lack of compassion from some in the general population.

Try bring a wheelchair user - yes my chair takes up a bit of space but no I don’t appreciate being touched / pushed out of the way.

i s as leats park up as close to the till : out of the way as I can - but I have constant tues and people touching my chair and trying to move me…

some people just don’t get the concept of personal space and / or autonomy.

I wish the world was more tolerant but it isn’t.

I live near Wolverhampton and I've noticed the opposite. People are desperate to help you get off trains even if you don't want any help!

I've noticed similar as a visually impaired person. If I'm with someone, I've lost count of the amount of times a group of people expect us to move instead of them going single file.

For reasons only known to everyone else, I'm more likely to get walked into if I have my mobility cane with me. Any sighted people like to explain why?

As someone who livea outside if London but visits frequent for work, I find London as a whole to be full of very rude people so i'm not remotely surprised

‘Purely anecdotally I have found that charity shops employees are statistically heavy with the poor of social skills 😁’

Many charity shops ‘employ’ people who have poor mental health or ‘social skills’ as part of their charitable remit. The only ‘job’ available to my NDN son who was recovering from being sectioned with schizophrenia was in the local Hospice charity shop.

Hopefully the social skills increase with the regaining of other abilities.