40 years ago parents didn't stay with unwell babies?

[UndertheCedartree]

Am I right in thinking that 40 years ago if a baby was taken to the big city hospital (from being born at the local town hospital i.e critically ill/likely to die) that the parents and definitely the dad did not go with them?

Why, OP?

Being left in pain and confused and bandaged up, and having nasty injections with no warning, and ignored by some nurses, from the age of 2 onwards, did sadly, leave me with a lot of long lasting trauma. Many other things contributed to this as well - but I also understand @sturdyartichoke oke point of view.

My first daughter was very small and had to be left in SCBU for a while and it was heart rending for us to have to leave her.

The point here, is that in the past, adults had no idea of how separation could affect small children (they wont remember etc) and now, thank god, it's well known that things like that have very long reaching consequences and when possible, babies and children aren't ;eft alone

One of the problems with staying with your child in hospital is finding someone to look after your other children. I had a 3 year old in hospital and a baby. I found childcare for the day time but not overnight so could not stay. The baby was not allowed in the hospital.
When I was in hospital as a teen, my brother who was 2 years younger, was not allowed to visit.

35 years ago my 8 month old was transferred by ambulance (during the ambulance strikes) from local hospital to children's hospital in the nearest city. I stayed with him at both and travelled in the ambulance with him. His father followed in the car. I don't remember any children at either hospital without a parent with them.

My DH was born in the spring of 1980 and was what we’d call a micro premie now; he was rushed to the big hospital many miles away, MIL remembers being told he may not survive the journey but it was better they tried for him than have him die at the small hospital she was at.
She stayed in that hospital for a week then had to find a B&B near the big hospital to be near him for visiting when allowed.

Tonsils out in about 1971. No parents stayed. Visitors only in the afternoon.
Same when I fell off a horse in 1974 and spent a week in with a serious head injury. I don't remember feeling upset about it, except, perhaps just at the moment they left after the visits.

40 years ago I went for surgery and was left by my parents. They weren’t allowed to stay. I hadn’t ever stayed away from my parents and balled my eyes out 😢 my dm decided she was going to find some accommodation and then stayed until I was discharged.

My brother had a hernia operation when he was about 4 (1986) and my mum definitely stayed in with him.

I was quite a bit older, but at the age of 15 I had a hospital stay but was put in the children’s ward as the policy then was you had to be 16 for an adult ward. It was an awful place! The ward was a T shape and I was on my own at the top of the T shape if that makes sense. I was basically ignored. The first night something I was wired up to kept beeping and I could hear the nurses say they couldn’t work out who’s it was, then they remembered I was there. It was freezing in there, but the nurses were so scary I didn’t feel like I could ask for a blanket.

Because I’d been admitted after an A&E visit I had no books or anything to start with so I was bored stupid. The first morning I put the TV on and honest to god that was the quickest a nurse came into my section!!! That was to tell me off because there was no TV in the mornings as that was school work time. She turned it off and took the remote control with her.

Parents could only visit during visiting hours and no one stayed. If I remember correctly there was 2pm-4pm visiting then from 6pm for a few hours. I’d never been so happy to see my Grandad turn up at 2pm on the dot with books and magazines!

It was draconian. This was the mid 90s. My memories of it are a bit hazy now and I think it’s because I’ve blocked it out. I do remember a doctor insisting that I have a pregnancy test, I was a virgin I was a virgin! I know my parents felt so guilty about not being able to stay that there was a rota system with grandparents/aunts and uncles to ensure someone visited during each visiting time. I’ve never spoken to them about it since though. I wonder if they remember it as being so awful

I had my tonsils removed aged 6 back in 1967.
Arrived at the children a ward to the sound of four toddlers crying in their cots - no one giving them any attention.
Had to have a bath - two inches of water being watched over by a nurse you had just met (I remember thinking how Spartan it was as obviously no bubble bath used and I wasn't used to being naked in front of a stranger and felt quite uncomfortable even at that young age)
Stayed in hospital for a week and my mum would visit for a couple of hours in the evening.
Over 55 years ago but my memories are very vivid- it was just a harsh way to treat children.

I don't know re. a child being ill, but when I was born in hospital in 1982 my Dad wasn't allowed to be at the birth!

When I was ten, in 1975, l had a major operation on my ear (radical mastoidectomy). I was on an adults' ward because it was too big an operation for the children's hospital. I was in for two weeks and one week later had another general anaesthetic so that they could investigate that all had gone well and they took the stitches out at the same time. Not only were parents restricted to visiting hours, but they were not allowed to visit at all on the days I had surgery. I can only begin to imagine how difficult it must have been for my mother. She must have felt so helpless. Most of the other patients were in for relatively minor operations, such as tonsillectomies, but, what l didn't realise at the time, was that there were also patients dying of cancer. Not very appropriate for a ten-year-old. On a final note, it was the summer term and, not only was l in hospital for two weeks, but I was off school for most of the rest of the half term in order to recover. I can imagine today's education authorities having forty fits at my absenteeism, but it was necessary.

Oh, and another memory. My sister was born in 1970 and my mother was in hospital for two weeks prior to the birth owing to high blood pressure. My dad was at work so my grandparents came to look after my brother and me - we were five and two at the time. In those days, even a mother's own older children were allowed to visit on Sunday afternoons only. My mother remembers that when we came to visit, my grandmother had styled my hair with a bow on one side and slicked back my brother's hair with water - just as she would have done with her own children in the thirties and forties.

In the 50s aged 6 my mum was left in hospital for 3 weeks to have her tonsils out and her mum was not allowed to visit her at all. So she was effectively abandoned for 3 weeks. This was a very sickly child who had been very mollycoddled by her mum up to that point (eg still hand feeding her).

It is the opinion of my brother and I that this traumatic episode had a profound effect on her and essentially kept her as a perpetual 6 year old and made her unable to connect with others.
The impact of that has followed through to her children as she was unable to love us or put our needs above her own.

Yes, of course, different people have different situations. You have to do what works for you.

My cousin was separated from her baby, the baby was taken to a different hospital and very unfortunately died, she was more than distraught, it was truly awful. In that case both hospitals were in the big city.

My therapist didn't suggest it. But, yes it is widely believed your body hold onto trauma. My Psychologist recommended the book The body keeps the score.

I didn't 'found out' and felt it 'fit the narrative'

Nit sure who these Psychologists are. Attachment theory is very well known. And it wasn't just 'a few' weeks.

It's not my adult interpretation that I find traumatic. My adult interpretation has helped me understand and accept the situation.

Thank you for the best wishes.

Heartbreaking ❤️

My daughter had some (non-life-threatening) surgery at a hospital about 2 hours away from my home 36 years ago. She was 8, so not a baby. I was encouraged to be with her during visiting hours, I was asked to get her bathed and her hair washed on the day of her surgery. I was given accommodation so that I could stay there and I had discount food in the restaurant. Then, as now, I believe that parents were a vital part of the caring team - at least for children, I don't know about babies.

That sounds so good!

I had an operation at 9yo in 1977 at a London hospital and stayed for around a week, and my mum had a room somewhere in the hospital to sleep in, so she was always there, just not on the ward. My dad looked after my brother.

I quite enjoyed my stay and made friends with the other children, some of whom were regulars, sadly.

My mum has told me that when I was 6 months old I was taken into hospital for a week with a kidney infection, but apparently mainly to give her a break as I never stopped crying and the doctor was worried about her. That wouldn't happen now but it was the 60s.

As I said I've had a child in hospital. I always stayed and always would - that is my choice. I'm not judging anyone else for doing what they choose to be what they have to. I'm sorry if it came over judgemental.

What I have said is not 'hand wavy' - it has come from multiple highly qualified psychologists and psychiatrists. Maybe you need to educate yourself.

Yes, I asked what happened with breastfeeding and a couple of people politely replied so I understood.

Thank you for answering. Yes, that makes sense.

Thank you.