40 years ago parents didn't stay with unwell babies?

[UndertheCedartree]

Am I right in thinking that 40 years ago if a baby was taken to the big city hospital (from being born at the local town hospital i.e critically ill/likely to die) that the parents and definitely the dad did not go with them?

My nephew (now 17, so not that long ago) had lessons in the hospital school when he was having cancer treatment. It was over a long period of time, but he was only there for a few days at a time and going to his own school regularly inbetween. He was amazing!

I don't find it surprising. I found it severely traumatising.

I was interested to hear other experiences.

I can empathise with your brother.

40 years ago my months--old first-born went floppy and developed a rash. A friend took us to a hospital where poorly baby had a spinal tap. I spent the night in a side ward, on a camp bed beside the cot. (I know when it was because we had the 40th birthday party this summer.)

Slight digression: around 1933, my mother - aged about 12 - was in an 'isolation hospital' where there were no staff in the building at night. I think she may have been the sole patient, but she was clear no nurse stayed overnight. (Happy ending: after being an ailing, sickly child, she brought up 5 offspring and died in her 90s.)

Thank you so much. I will have a look.

My son has just finished cancer treatment. It caused septic shock which led to multi organ failure as well as other complications.

He’s been in hospital for 8 months on 4th November. Needs one more surgery and hopefully as long as he stays in remission this time, we can finally get home if the surgery is successful.

I’m glad to hear your nephew seems to be doing well!

I'm sorry this sounds like it's been upsetting for you. I'm interested to know though, how do you know that you found it severely traumatising as a baby? Obviously you can't remember it happening as nobody could at that age, so how do you know you found it traumatic? Is what you actually mean, that you NOW find it traumatising as an adult to think/feel that you were abandoned as a baby?

I watched a documentary on YouTube about children with cancer in the late 70s (I think it was filmed in 79) it was in Canada and I was quite horrified that the kids were pretty much left there, one boy who was very close to death was left in a room alone. Another little boy was crying and begging for his mum and you just heard the nurse saying very coldly "mummy's not coming" and the child just cried more. Another mother described getting a phone call to tell her her 5 year old child had died in the middle of the night. The thought of a child dying of cancer alone in a hospital without their parents upset me so much I still think about it all the time.

I remember a friend went to live in Holland around 1980, perhaps a year or so earlier. She told me she was not allowed to stay with her young son when he was in hospital. She might even have not been allowed to visit, if so that’s why I still remember her saying that over 40 years later.

DD was in a large teaching hospital in England in 1986 when she was just under 12 months old. I stayed with her all the time.
ETA after reading the next post: I don’t know if she counted as critically ill but she was too unwell to be discharged and needed to stay for a week or so.

Having your tonsils out is hardly critically ill/going to die so not sure why people think those stories are relevant.

Well done you!

This is utter nonsense.

Certain wards for safety reasons parents are not allowed to sleep over but visiting can be pretty much 24/7, these include NICU, intensive care and high dependency unit. Other wards, parents are encouraged to sleep over as it takes the strain of care off the ward staff.

I was lucky, our hospital had family rooms for parents with babies in nicu. I was allowed to stay for the entire duration of my babies stay. I did go home after 3 weeks as she started to stabilise… she wasn’t home until 9 weeks later!

When my oldest three kids were young (I had 3 under 5) my youngest spent a lot of time in hospital due to a health condition, I was a single parent and it was so hard, I had to try and sort my two other kids whilst staying with my youngest. I was also extremely skint at the time and the hospital don't feed parents (apart from a slice of toast for breakfast) so I would go days without eating. Horrible experience.

I had knee surgery when I was ten, in 1976. I was in hospital for about a week, and parents were only allowed at visiting times. It was much calmer than it is now, perhaps better?? I was in hospital with a 12 year old a few years back, in an observation ward. Every single child had at least one parent staying with them, it was absolute chaos. Noisy, cramped, sick babies and toddlers in with overdosed teens. Awful. Absolutely awful. There was no room for me. My DD suffered from PTSD from the experience

That's what I don't understand. What do all the breastfeeding mothers do if they don't stay at night? Just drive up and down all night?

I was in hospital twice as a child (late 80s/early 90s it would have been) and my parents never stayed with me either time. No idea if they were given the choice or not though!

My newborn spent 11 weeks in NICU in 2016. I stayed once. Open visiting during the day but there was no option to stay overnight as the one side room was normally used by those “rooming in” (2 nights stay with the baby before leaving for home) or parents whose newborn had been discharged from hospital then came back for maybe 1 or 2 nights.

Bollocks

I was in GOSH about 43 years ago and my mum slept on the floor next to my bed for the weeks I was there

Breastfeeding mothers expressed. The very preterm babies were all tube fed anyway so there was no need for feeds to be done by the mother.

With kindness, nobody knows how they will react in that scenario. My son was 19 days old when an issue was discovered he needed surgery and things were very hairy for a few weeks.

He was in hospital for three weeks. I didn't leave him with his dad and brother for more than ten minutes at a time to shower, eat, etc. I was petrified he wouldn't hear my voice to calm him as he was in considerable pain.

There were other children in the ward in similar situations, some unaccompanied. Their parents just couldn't deal with it. There is no support ten years ago so I hate to think what it was like 40 years ago.

I had to get therapy to deal with it, it never left my mind fir a very long time. He thankfully is an amazing healthy gorgeous ten year old who can charm the birds off the trees. He thankfully will never have memory of it.

This may be hard to hear but I know parents who love their children as much as I love mine who simply could not be there. Don't mistake that inability for anything to do with lack of love.

And do talk to a professional, it really helped me figure out where my feelings were coming from and most importantly how to move forward with them. Mind yourself.

Basically, I've always had severe abandonment issues. Through therapy it was found that this was the cause. Even though you don't remember it, your body does. Your body holds on to the trauma.

Bollocks? Oh yes, of course I really just made it up that I was abandoned as a newborn! 😡

I stayed with mine 44 years ago. Some other mums stayed with theirs, others didn't. My little one was my first baby so I didn't have to be at home with another child. I would not have readily accepted not being allowed to stay if it hadn't been policy to let a parent stay.