40 years ago parents didn't stay with unwell babies?

[UndertheCedartree]

Am I right in thinking that 40 years ago if a baby was taken to the big city hospital (from being born at the local town hospital i.e critically ill/likely to die) that the parents and definitely the dad did not go with them?

Whilst they try to facilitate a parent to be with critically ill children, it's not always possible during the transfer process and in the case of multiples babies can be sent to different hospitals due to capacity constraints. It's not uncommon for newborn babies to arrive at the nicu without a parent (large hospital taking the sickest babies from multiple counties) or older children arriving by air ambulance.

Medical care has to come first in all cases and if it's a long distance many people elect to go home, grab what they need , sort out care for other children if applicable and follow on by car, it's not a case of not caring but helicopters only have limited space

You still can’t stay on any neonatal unit I’ve ever worked with - neonatal care is not like regular medicine where there are set obs, rounds and structured care. On a good unit it’s very responsive with the need for clear access to the babies and the huge amounts of equipment they require, and lots of frequent small adjustments to meds, vents etc. If a nicu or picu has between 6 and 12 babies and in the case of the most ill babies are on a 2:1 nursing ratio, that’s already 18 people in that room. If every set of parents were allowed to stay all the time, that’s 30 adults fighting for space in a room of 12 babies, and that’s before you even add in any doctors!

Both me and my sister were hospitalised at under 4 for broken leg (me) and pneumonia (her)... parents didn't stay, wasn't an option in our local hospitals in the mid 80s.

There were more hospitals, they were (generally) smaller, they had fewer patients and more staff, and for most patients, parents were simply getting in the way rather than of any benefit (in their eyes).

These days it varies, but far more toward the 'parents do the parenting bit of the care, nurses do the nursing bit' as theres fewer staff, bigger hospitals but fewer of them, with a few exceptions such as neonatal units.

I also think parents are far less likely to accept and tolerate 'piss off and leave your child to us even if they're distressed about that, you're in our way and clogging up the ward' than they were in the 80s and earlier.

@Dramatic yes the lack of food provided is awful too! . The only shop on site at my local hospital is extortionate and the vending machines too, it cost me a fortune.

I was born 50+ years ago. I was several weeks early, and was in an incubator for 7 weeks. DM came to the hospital once a day to see me.

When I had my tonsils and adenoids out 41 years ago, I was in an adult ward (I was 12) and visits were restricted to visiting time only.

I remember my cousin having a heart op in the 90s as a baby.

I went with my auntie (baby's mum) to visit, we travelled together from home and the baby was alone until we got there.

My brother was in hospital when he was aged 3 , 5 and 6 with heart issues and asthma. The hospital was several miles away from home. I'm in my latec50s and I still remember the trauma of mum having to leave him, he screaming after her. Being held back by a nurse. Travelling home on the bus with a heartbroken mum. My sister and I weren't allowed into ward and had to wave through window from outside. He was so unwell and was deprived of his mother. So cruel.

On the nurse to patient ratios - when I qualified as a nurse in 2004, the ward I worked on had 20 beds and started with 5-6 qualified nurses and 1-2 nursery nurses per day shift, they ran with 4 nurses and one HCA on a night shift. When I left 7 years later, we were lucky to have 4 qualified nurses on a day shift, though more often than not the 4th was the matron or ward manager who would be going off to meetings all day. And, night shifts was maximum of 3 nurses. All nursery nurses had moved on by then (the ward employed 3 when I started) and not been replaced by anyone, their salary was just swallowed up by the unit’s budget!! Oh, and the needs and complexity of care of the children being cared for had sky rocketed during those years too!

I'm not sure about 40 years ago but I work with older people, think late 70's - 90's and live rurally. Many tell me of when they had operations / severe illnesses as children they had to go to Liverpool (nearest big city) without their parents, mainly due to them not having transport, enough money and other children at home. One lady who had polio as a child said she spent about 2 years in hospital and her parents only managed to get there about once a month. Another, actually she was younger, 60's had some severe deformity of her hips and many operations, physio etc which also resulted in her being admitted to hospital for around 2 years. Again her parents only got to her about once a month. So maybe 40 years is about right? It takes approx 2 hours to get to Liverpool now and that's with fast cars and A roads. I dread to think how long it would have taken them before this.

As a child, I was in hospital twice in the 1960s and once in the 70s. I had two major operations at the age of about 18 months and 12 and a minor operation (tonsillectomy) at the age of 4 or 5.

The hospitals were about 20 miles away in the nearest big city. On no occasion did either of my parents stay with me. No one visited me for the short stay. My father took me and collected me a couple of days later.

For the longer stays, my father did the visiting too. My mother stayed at home to look after my siblings. She used to take me to outpatient appointments.

That's grim, I am so sorry.

70 yrs ago ExDP was 3 with appendicitis. Visiting only during limited visiting hours and shouted at for wetting the bed.😢Very unyielding regime.

You're right. I remember doing my paediatric nursing stint in 1988 and I recall I had 6 babies to care for in a bay for most of the shift without any parents present. It's unbelievable to think of that now. Although I recall one little baby had been abused so his parents would have been visiting anyway. Very sad and I wonder how it may have affected them still to this day.

Wouldn't have not would have

My dc had a one night hospital stay in 2005.

I wasn't given the option of staying.

I was in hospital in the mid 80s & early 90s. Different hospital board areas. Both I was only visited visiting hours. Both times I was a child in adult wards. (Mixed sex)

Around 1974 I was in hospital for 3 months due to a really bad accident. The hospital would only allow visitors (including parents), to visit twice a day. Due to the distance my mum would visit just once a day for 2 hours. Dad had to work and visiting would finish at 6pm so he only came at weekends which was also the only time my siblings where able to come as well. I was 9 years old and I remember sobbing my heart out every time my mum left only to be told by the Drs and nurses to "stop being silly, you're a big girl now ( I was 9 years old FFS),". It wasn't until many years later that my mum told me that she and dad weren't allowed to visit me when I was in a coma as they were told "there would be no point and parents only get in the way".

Mid-seventies, a friend's two year old was in hospital for two days having an operation for hypospadias, and the parents were told best not to visit as it would upset him too much!
Another friend's little girl had an eye operation, her mother was determined to stay with her all night, so she slept in a chair next to the child's bed. No beds available for any parents.

I think hospital stays were longer in the NHS right up to the 80s. I remember my sibling being in for 2 weeks for an eye operation that probably wouldn’t be performed at all now. As they were 12, they were on an adult ward. A year later for another operation, again something that wouldn’t be touched now, my parents were outraged that my sibling was ‘only’
kept in for a week!

this thread has also reminded me of how kids were treated and the language used. There was a lot of controlling behaviour through ridicule. It happened at
school/home so I guess hospital too as a pp mentioned children scoffing at other children crying on a ward. I remember clearly being brought up knowing not to make a fuss and having ‘silly’ children who did pointed out to me and, in turn, pointing out ‘silly’ children for praise to my mum. I also remember my mum hissing at me before things like drs appointments or vaccinations ‘you’d better not make a show of me’. I knew that good kids didn’t make a fuss and to avoid trouble by staying silent, internalising any fears I might have. When you consider this was normal for the time, you can see how it was also accepted that children could be left for extended periods when they were in a vulnerable state.

No, around here, staff used to want parents to leave overnight.

Probably more like 50 years ago but yes you are right

My aunt was in hospital for an extended period in the late 1940s, my Granny was allowed to visit daily as she was breastfeeding but the older children's parents could only visit once a week!

When I was 6 months old I was sent to a specialist hospital for 5 months. It was 2 hours from home and it was late 1960s. Parents visited every 6 weeks with my older brother for the day.

No idea of what trauma it may have caused but I’m not a hugger and very independent.

OP, kindly, you may want to educate yourself a little more on the present day reality of neonatal units and parents with babies in them, on feeding very unwell or very premature babies (especially breast milk), and on baby brain development and what positive steps can be taken to alleviate the negative effects on it of a hospital stay for babies, before stating hand wavy things such as "Your body holds on to the trauma" or "All I knew was I'd been abandoned" and "I would absolutely be with my child, though". Currently, you sadly come across as ignorant and inconsiderate towards present-day parents who had/have to leave their babies every night for weeks on end. I don't wish it upon you, even though it would likely teach you a thing or two.

They stay home and express milk every 3-4 hours depending on their baby’s feeding pattern which they take in the following day for the staff to use for the next night. If there is milk left over then it is frozen in case there are days when not enough is produced. And, when the baby is moved or discharged, the frozen milk is sent with them.

Your last sentence has come across as nasty and uncalled for

people are entitled to have their feelings and emotions heard in a safe space in therapy.