To think monogamy is outdated?

[UniqueOrca]

In today’s world where we value personal freedom and independence, AIBU to think monogamy is an old-fashioned concept? Is it really realistic to expect one person to fulfil all your needs for life?

Compulsory monogamy is outdated. Monogamy as a concept functions very well for many people. As a monogamish person I'm in favour of ethical non monogamy for those who want to explore it but it's by no means suited to everyone!

I don't think monogamy is outdated but I think the idea of monogamy as the default acceptable form of relationships is outdated. It's a concept completely constructed by society and the people who came before us. People are much more free to find a dynamic that works for them. If monogamy is still it for you, go for it.

What I do think is outdated is the idea of permanent relationships and one partner for life. If you can find that "soulmate" and live a happy life until death us do part then great but people grow and change over time and it should be more expected that relationships will come and go. I don't think that should stop people grieving the loss of something they valued but I think people having a different midset about relationships would stop people clinging on to something that's long since dead because they haven't moved on from the idea that this was supposed to be forever and they can't reconcile in their head that they are fundamentally different people than they were 5/10/20 years ago.

To be honest, I feel like the "soulmate" idea is horribly outdated and quite damaging for a lot of people looking for love and connection.

Why "all your needs"? My partner only fulfils some of my needs, the others are fulfilled by friends, wider family, work colleagues etc. And once my partner stops fulfilling my needs and vice versa, I will find another partner. I don't have to sleep around or be in polygamous relationship. I am quite comfortable with the idea of being a serial monogamist.

What I do think is outdated is the idea of permanent relationships and one partner for life. If you can find that "soulmate" and live a happy life until death us do part then great but people grow and change over time and it should be more expected that relationships will come and go

This sums my position up perfectly. For most people in most situations monogamy is the best way to run a relationship while it’s active. There are people who can cope with open marriages but they tend to be in a minority.

But the idea of monogamy with the same person from your early 20s to old age is just not realistic for most people. As plenty of people have pointed out no one can fulfill all needs. I think the idea of “the one” is ridiculous. Society needs to get better at acknowledging that the end of a committed relationship isn’t automatically a moral failing.

Cheating is always bad and seldom justified but the emphasis on remaining in a failing relationship through gritted teeth at all costs actually pushes people into cheating in some cases.

Completely agree. I mean, as with everything, there's a lot of nuance and "what ifs" but largely, it's true.

I get that things become complicated with marriage, kids, shared assets etc. but I think that could be handled a lot better if people were going into relationships with more realistic expectations about what the future might hold - and also more realistic expectations about what a relationship should BE in the first place.

I think it is unrealistic to expect people to be married or in a long term relationship and never be sexually attracted to someone else.
On another note I know a couple in their 70s who have been together since their late teens and never slept with anyone else.

It worked for me. I took my marriage vows seriously. But you do you.