Who is unreasonable, Mil or Ds?

[Maria1979]

So Mil is having DS 11 over. I left some revision for him to do for school. Not something that will be handed in to school, just answering questions to show me so I can see if he's got it or needs more revision. Well, he called me crying telling me to please come and get him because grandma is telling him his writing is awful. Talked to grandma and told her that btw us I didn't care about his writing, just about the facts since it's not a paper to turn in, it's just for me. Also, to no dripfeed, he has always struggled with handwriting but has learnt to write correctly, if not beautifully, so it's something he's quite sensitive about apart from him being a sensitive child.

Mil is angry and says that we indulge him too much and he needs to hear that his handwriting is bad. And in any case he has not to lock himself in the barhroom and call me, it's really rude.
I agree to a certain extent with her but I do think her comment was unnecessary and hurtful. She's not involved with his homework (doesn't know the subject) so if someone should say something it's me. Then again he's overreacting. That's how I feel, would like to hear fellow mums' perspectives..

@jannier she's already answered all of that.

God forbid a parent actually does something to support their Child’s education. Clearly we are the dicks, OP, because I will be doing too.

But then I’m an ex teacher who knows that the learning that takes place in school is the absolute minimum that a child needs to do to ‘get’ something ... And that it’s not enough for some kids.

I think your MIL is wrong - I wouldn’t leave her to supervise homework in the future.

YANBU

I swear some posters act as if 30 minutes of homework a day is akin to torture and that a child can’t do a bit of homework and go outside while off of school.

Some children need that bit of structure even during the school holidays. My middle sounds like your son OP. He younger than yours but is also a sweet, sensitive soul and needs an extra push when it comes to school and is still learning to be more resilient. He hates being told off and will fight tears when he feels/thinks someone is upset with him.

MIL didn’t need to comment or insert herself so she was being rude. She’s could have left him to do and finish his bit of work.

If she had, this whole situation wouldn’t have likely happened.

It is not necessary to comment or give an opinion when not asked.

Why on earth would you send work that she knows nothing about never mind open him up to this criticism

My DH and DS12 are both dyslexic with terrible writing, absolutely dreadful!! They both work so hard but it's always shocking. Both have ADHD too and sometimes they overreact especially where they can't help it and get emotional dysregulation - granny should concentrate on positives, he knows already his writing isn't great, fine motor skills will help as he ages

Why on earth are you assigning homework for Grandma to over see?

You created this issue yourself.

I think it's the fourth time I answered this question but ok; Grandma is not involved in his homework at all. He does it by himself (I give him only revision that we have done together so I know he's capable or should be capable to do it without any help). Until know we never had a problem, I look through what he's done and see if there is some further explaining to do. Grandma is not supposed to do anything but she had a look when he was writing and told him it looked awful. She will not do that anymore. They have made peace and everything is fine now.

Fifth time: did not send work for Mil to supervise or help with. Only stuff he could do by himself. Mil went and had a look and commented.

Thank you.
I don't think I push my children too hard. In a weeks time he will have three tests and I rather we do a little every day than panicking the week-end before (he's the one who panics when not prepared) to minimise stress but also because learning is a process and for it to stick (not just for a test) you need to revise.

He does sound sensitive about the handwriting, BUT I wouldn't make my child apologise for calling me upset, ever.

He sounds adorable and just what the next generation of males need - and whilst I might have commented above that sending him to grandma with homework wasn’t wise, as a parent I’ve made lots of well-intentioned misjudgements… usually involving assuming other people will mind their own flipping business. I hope he’s home and you’ve been able to give him a hug.

Let him know that lots of very clever, very successful people have messy writing. From Einstein to most doctors, to my husband and his colleagues (all directors in a FTSE100 company). So long as people can read it, it’s fine. If he struggles with writing with speed, you can look into computer aids for exams later on.

Yes, I agree with this - a fuller explanation of what I was trying to say. This is just not how DGPs should behave, surely.

You're in the wrong here! He struggles with his handwriting yet when he's doing things for you, you don't care about his handwriting - that's not going to help him make his writing any neater.
If he's revising he needs to be revising everything including letter formation.

Also don't send him with work to do if you don't want it commented on!

I don't think anyone should say anything regardless of who they are. There is not a pecking order to have a go at someone.
Poor lad will be feeling so much pressure, it is a pretty hard age to be with hormones kicking in and they get so much homework.

He’s going to need a thicker skin than that for secondary school!

Speak to your gp about his writing and a referral to your nhs Peds occupational therapist who can check his fingers for overly mobile joints.

I see what the grandparent was saying but equally your DS was trying to complete school work just for you? and his Grandma was critical of his handwriting- poor kid!! If you’re concerned about a topic sit with him and ask questions or work through the issue yourself.

This all could have been avoided!

I would get him back.

She's a nasty insensitive woman.

I think he should be commended for doing his revision and not be attacked negatively bu her!

Get the ignorant woman to look up disgraphia.

I hope you support and encourage your DS.

exactly 💯 percent. evey teachers parent meeting oh wexone needs to improve her handwriting my mother would constant criticise when saw my homework. I am now mid 40s and my writing is still terrible. thank god most is done by email etc now. Its just my own notes that are handwritten and I can read them that's all that matters. I am also a bad speller too so thank god for spell check

This. I put the blame for this entirely on you and his grandmother. You shouldn't have sent him off to a sleepover with work to do but given that you did, she should have let him get on with it without getting involved and also she shouldn't have made the comment about indulging him. Poor child. If I had been him, I wouldn't just have locked myself on the bathroom, I'd have left the house and gone for a burger.

She told him his handwriting was bad. She didn't give him 30 lashes

Phoning your mum because a grandparent made such a comment is a bit 'wet' tbh

Handwriting is not just important to exams though. Students will be at a severe disadvantage if they're unable to take handwritten notes from a lecture, class discussion, or to summarise their own reading - there's a gazillion studies showing that typing simply doesn't involve the same kind of mental processing of the material that handwriting does. That's also why handwriting vocabulary cards works so well to reinforce foreign language acquisition. Mind you, all of that involves using handwriting for the individual's own use. Granny's most definitely out of line if she fancies herself a calligraphy teacher.

Does your son have dysgraphia?
If so then MIL is very insensitive and your son has to work extra hard at making his writing look vaguely legible, he should be encouraged for his writing attempts despite the outcome

Does child ring u for every negative comment made teachers must love you both