Told mum that DSIS was being entitled. She told me I’m wrong. AIBU?

[Lampshadeeey]

Much younger sister (she’s 23) wants to be a lawyer. My husband’s brother is a super successful lawyer (big job) so I said that I’d set up a call and he could talk to her about breaking into the industry. They’ve only met once before, but he said he was happy to help.

Great. So the phone call was arranged, but DH’s brother forgot about the call, rearranged and then wasn’t very helpful when it happened.

Anyway that was three months ago and my mother and DSIS are still annoyed about it. My mother brings it up every time we speak as though my BIL should have offered her an internship or a job.

Today, I got fed up, and said that DSIS was being entitled and that nobody owes her a job, and my mother said I was talking DH’s brother’s side. Now we’re not talking.

Anyway, I don’t even particularly like my DH’s brother. He’s fine, but don’t care either way about him.

Now I feel like I am being the unreasonable one for not joining my mother and sister in being annoyed at BIL.

Who’s in the wrong here? I’m happy to hear that I am! But my mother is a bit enmeshed with my sister so I’m never sure.

1. you tried to help, your intentions were good, it’s just a shame that it didn’t work out.
2. not very nice of your BIL to let your sister down, but he may well just be very busy with his work and life and that’s life, unfortunately. Your sis needs to learn to suck it up as this is the real world and your mum should be encouraging her to do the same.
3. it’s not your fault that your BIL didn’t / couldn’t oblige.
4. nobody owes your sister a job, nobody at all. Not an internship, or an interview. She should be getting her big girl pants on, and learning that. Your mother is babying her, by even suggesting such entitled behaviour.

So, your mother hung up the phone on you in a huff, and she is talking about you taking ‘sides’. This is staggeringly immature behaviour. I bet she sulks when she doesn’t get her own way too, right?

I don’t understand why your mother and sister seem to think are you have responsible for your sister’s career success? Surely she wants to achieve her career goals on merit, hard work and taking opportunities rather than hoping her sister can put in a good word. Even if the conversation had resulted in an internship, she would have had to prove herself and would have your BIL to thank for the opportunity, not you.

Do NOT give his details out. This is appalling advice, especially for something that is so incredibly trivial. What are they going to say to him anyway. ‘Oh, poor me, my mummy is cross because you didn’t help me get a foot in the door’. How pathetic. Her reputation will be in tatters and she will be blacklisted completely. People in the sector know each other and they talk.

I suspect your BIL worked damn hard to get where he is (and by the sounds of it, still does), and doesn’t see why he should offer opportunities that he didn’t have himself. I don’t blame him. You need to have a stern word with your mother about her immature attitude and behaviour before relationships are completely destroyed.

The call was between your sister and BIL, nothing to do with you. If the call wasn't helpful, then that's hardly your fault. What exactly was your sister expecting?!!! It sounds to me, as if she'd made up a nice little scenario in head, that your BIL would be so bowled over by her, that he'd offer her an internship on the spot!!! Your BIL may be very successful, he's probably worked extremely hard to become successful, as it's a competitive industry to enter - but it doesn't mean he's in a position to offer that kind of opportunity! I'm sorry to say but yes your sister is behaving entitled. She needs to work damn hard, create her own opportunities and stop trying to expect a handout! Your Mum is enabling your sister's behaviour too. Not your responsibility.

This is exactly the attitude so many young graduates seem to show these days. They come in with the expectation that people who have worked there for years and years, slogging their way towards the top, will just sit down with them and hand over all their knowledge, contacts, and put them in the right roles to just completely bypass that stage, and be dropped in right to where they want to end up.

Edit* not ALL graduates, but a sizeable portion.

There’s a whole mechanism for vacation placements, internships, training contracts at Magic Circle. Lots of testing and sifting as thousands apply. Your sister and mum sound wholly out of touch. It’s not the1950s and can you find a spot for my godson.

If he was a partner in a small one man band firm then he might have been able to have her come in for a few days work experience but that’s not how it works in large firms.
I’d have expected a quick call and signposting to schemes they offer.
How are your sister’s academics? If she’s got less than A star/A grades at A level and a degree from an ex poly he may have been very frank that she’s barking up wrong tree.
He may have been helpful but not what she wanted to hear.

If you google firm he is at all the info will be there. I’d show your mum.
eg I’ve just googled Linklaters vacation scheme (so 2/3 weeks work experience)
To get a place it’s 4 hoops to jump through 1. Application form with academics 2. Online Capp assessment 3. Watson Glaser Critical Thinking Test 4. In person assessment day.
Your mum and SIL are bonkers if they think a quick call to a distant relative can bypass all that.