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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this harassment?

82 replies

HiImNewE · 22/10/2024 12:06

Okay so i went out on 5 dates with much older man ( im mentioning this as maybe it's just what men in his generation do ?)

I wasn't feeling it and tried to end it but he'd send flowers and get in touch other ways when i blocked him . And convince me to give him another chance

So i decided to tell him a lie that i met someone else . He became very angry and send me letter to my address being all sarcastic, cocky saying i should of waited to "break up " ( he was never my man , it was just handful of dates
As he purchased some expensive jewellery for me ( it's insulting to me , no amount of jewellery will make me change my mind i'm
not for sale

He proceeded to bash my character and call me cheater and liar . How can i cheat on a man who was never mine ?

I got few flowers from him too . I'm worried and regret letting him know my address. I don't want letters and flowers

So he called me liar and cheater , bashed my character in letters as he is blocked and send flowers .

Should i be worried ? he sounded unhinged. Or is this just what men reaching 60 do as its different generation?

I live with my 7yo daughter and don't want him showing up at my place

Even though he lives 30 mins drive away i saw him in my local Sainsbury's other day

he can shop anywhere he likes but i am worried he came to try and bump into me

Dunno what to do now , any advice ladies ? x

OP posts:
Original poster
HiImNewE · 22/10/2024 12:10

and now i'm scared leaving my house and feel anxious opening my letter box
My heart drops when delivery comes .

OP posts:
prettydesertflower · 22/10/2024 12:12

Please report him to the police today. Give them the letters and all communications. This is harassment. It normally escalates so please report him. There is no excuse for this behaviour- at any age.

Original poster
HiImNewE · 22/10/2024 12:18

@prettydesertflower thank you . I'm a bit hesitant to report as i'm worried he will get even angrier and more bitter .. specially if they visit him at his workplace he will be fuming

OP posts:
ladyofshertonabbas · 22/10/2024 12:24

Idon't know if the police can/will act at this stage. Maybe more effective to say to him you'll report him if he doesn't stop?

Thelnebriati · 22/10/2024 12:27

Ask them not to visit him at his workplace as it would trigger him. You could also consider returning the jewellery, as it seems to be a sore point for him.

Original poster
HiImNewE · 22/10/2024 12:32

Thelnebriati · 22/10/2024 12:27

Ask them not to visit him at his workplace as it would trigger him. You could also consider returning the jewellery, as it seems to be a sore point for him.

No he was bragging in letter that i should
of waited till our next date to "break up "
as he apparently splashed out on very expensive jewellery and now he is going to return it for refund .
He sounds really mental .

We were never a couple and i told him we are not compatible so should date other ppl. He told me he loves me too and won't give up

I unblocked him
and told him that nothing should be arriving at my address, i'm not for sell and he can't buy me with his jewellery

I said i told my friends and family and they advised to go police . then blocked him. And now im on edge . Hope it will give him a reality check that he can get in trouble if he carries on

OP posts:
Original poster
HiImNewE · 22/10/2024 12:34

ladyofshertonabbas · 22/10/2024 12:24

Idon't know if the police can/will act at this stage. Maybe more effective to say to him you'll report him if he doesn't stop?

exactly my thoughts

X

OP posts:
Cas112 · 22/10/2024 12:34

Report to police, especially if your bumping into him in your local supermarket and its not his local

Todaywasbetter · 22/10/2024 14:00

This is nothing to do with his age. You’ve had good advice above. Send one message to say that you will report him to the police if you hear from him again and then don’t contact

BobbyBiscuits · 22/10/2024 14:04

Tell him you'll contact the police and seek a restraining order if he doesn't leave you alone once and for all. It's totally unacceptable to behave this way and it won't be tolerated. You need to reject any gifts and never engage with him going forward.
Then if he doesn't heed that warning, go ahead and report him.

redalex261 · 22/10/2024 14:20

Yes, report, don't engage with messages regardless of content. Not his age just a nutter!! .

WildWildWestCoast · 22/10/2024 15:59

You've been really clear that you want no further contact from him - that's good. Keep a copy of this message and, if he is stupid enough to contact you again, go straight to the police. DO NOT contact him again yourself until you've had advice from the police.

SleepToad · 22/10/2024 16:24

Older man here (55) not normal. Do report to the police as this isn't normal behaviour

Original poster
HiImNewE · 22/10/2024 17:06

Thank you everyone for good advice
I kept letters and photos of flowers and his vile messages and voice notes ,
I warned him i will go police and blocked . ( or to add he calls from
private numbers now so i just ignore any no caller id now )

So if i will get anything sent again i am going straight to police station and showing them everything and will ask them to have a chat with him , and hopefully that will be the end of this weird scary situation,..

x

OP posts:
idontknkowwhyibother · 22/10/2024 17:33

Sorry this has happened, op.

When I experience harassment (had all the evidence) police gave me a few options and the one I chose was for the other party to be given a final warning by the police that if the behaviour didn't stop I would go ahead with prosecution.

They were given the warning over the phone, not in person, and that stopped it (this was 5 years ago).

Police gave me plenty of time to talk through the options and make a decision about what I wanted to do.

If you have a DD I would not hesitate to involve police, you both need to feel safe in your home. He is bullying you, so get someone with authority to tell him to cut it out is my view.

Skyrainlight · 22/10/2024 17:46

It seems very unlikely he just happened to be at your Sainsburys at exactly the same time as you. I think he probably followed you there. It might be worth just speaking to the police to see what they advise.

newyearsresolurion · 22/10/2024 22:42

He sounds like a stalker. Install cameras if you haven't already

BestEffort · 23/10/2024 00:18

I think you have had good advice here and your plan sounds good.

I would install a ring doorbell that records or get cameras that record. So you can check before answering the door and so you have proof if he's coming to your house. I had an ex break into my house once. He didn't steal anything valuable just kids artwork and stuff and trashed the house by emptying all cupboards and everything but not physically breaking things. Because nothing valuable was stolen or broken the police did absolutely nothing. I wish I had had cameras. Wish I'd had some on my car too because he used to follow me that way. Took a couple years before he got a new gf and moved on

Original poster
HiImNewE · 29/11/2024 14:27

He is back . It was my daughters bday so yesterday i received a book for her and now i got ugly flowers with a note asking for one phone call and some chocolate

Police won't do anything , they don't take stuff like this seriously unless it's threats or DV and loads of proof of stalking so please can someone recommend me smth else ?

Shall i tell him im in relationship? and my bf does appreciate all this ?

Is this harassment?
Is this harassment?
OP posts:
Original poster
HiImNewE · 29/11/2024 14:28

i mean he added chocolates not asking me for them *
sorry i'm
panicking

OP posts:
ThianWinter · 29/11/2024 14:33

Time to report this to the police. He's not giving up, is he?

Breadcat24 · 29/11/2024 14:35

Where did you meet him- if on a dating site can you report his behaviour to them. If through mutual friends tell them and show them the abuse.
I think he needs consequences to make him stop

Original poster
HiImNewE · 29/11/2024 14:36

ThianWinter · 29/11/2024 14:33

Time to report this to the police. He's not giving up, is he?

they won't do anything unfortunately
I need to come up
with smth else ..

OP posts:
Original poster
HiImNewE · 29/11/2024 14:37

Breadcat24 · 29/11/2024 14:35

Where did you meet him- if on a dating site can you report his behaviour to them. If through mutual friends tell them and show them the abuse.
I think he needs consequences to make him stop

I have panic attacks now whenever someone at the door .
I met him on dating app back on August, why is he like that after only handful of dates , and he is respectable private dentist , how can he act this way

OP posts:
Original poster
HiImNewE · 29/11/2024 14:38

Right . I'm going to call him and say i will report stalking to his work place as I googled him and know where he works

OP posts:
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