To think this is rather rude?

[123678user]

We've offered to host my in-laws for an occasion, because our home makes most sense.

We've asked everyone to arrive from 5pm on a weeknight.

Several normal responses of "yes, lovely, what can we bring" etc etc. We've replied that there's no need to bring anything, we'll sort.

DSIL's reply is "yes, I'll be there at 4.30"

AIBU to think this is rude?

I would reply with "No, please don't arrive until 5pm."

Some people just cannot resist pushing.

Maybe she wants to avoid rush hour traffic on a weekday. I wouldn't want to aim to get somewhere for 5pm. However I would have asked is it OK if I come at 4.30pm because of this rather than just announcing it.

Not sure. She might want to come early to help you set up? Or have misread/misunderstood from 5 to mean around 5?
Have you responded to ask her to come 5pm or later instead of half four, please, as we won’t be ready then?

I don't think its rude tbh, I wouldn't worry about it and just encourage her to help set up x

To clarify, from 5pm means anytime after 5pm.

There's about two dizen people (adults) coming so there's a varying time of arrival to suit the workers. Everyone will stay most of the evening, but it's very flexible.

Well except the earliest arrival time 😂

Not rude, it would be if she turned up early without telling you.
just tell her not to come till 5

Why wouldn't you assume she misread it and clarify?

I guess there is back story here! Otherwise I would just say that maybe she was suggesting she would come early to help set up etc. but I'm guessing given you haven't interpreted it that way, there's a reason!

I’d reply “great- glad you can come- but to confirm it’s from 5”

Just reply “Please don’t come before 5 as we need a chance to get home from work and get ready!”

Surely it's rude to announce that you're turning up earlier than the start time?

I wouldn't have viewed "would you mind if I came a bit earlier because of traffic or other circs" as rude.

I just find telling the host something outside of the invitation rather impolite.

Yes, possibly depending on the relationship you have with her. But do you want to call her out explicitly and possibly have a row? Or just be as firm as she was and say no, come after 5, that way she has no reasonable comeback and you avoid the row.

I would take that as helpful. You are hosting an event for her parents, I will be there early (to help)

This. Surely it’s not hard to just repeat the time. She might then come back and elaborate on her response, ie, she was coming to help you…

Sometimes people reply in hurry during the workday, or misread things. I would just reply "Great you can make it. It's from 5pm though - we won't be home at 4.30pm I'm afraid".

Just say "great really looking forward to seeing you - will be busy getting sorted and organised beforehand so please don't come before five! Hope that's ok 👍 "

She's family. What's the problem with her coming at 4:30? Or 4:00? Who cares?

It wouldn’t bother me. It’s my family.

I really don’t think that it’s a big deal if she got there half hour before the party. I would assume that she’s comfortable calling in and would like to give you a hand. I personally think it’s rude to reply to tell her not to come til 5pm as sounds like she’s only trying to help

Well I'm struggling to understand what is so heinous about her arriving half an hour early, but then I'm not a typical MNer

I’m with you. I generally plan for people to start arriving about 30 min before the named start time. I mean someone is going to end up early so might as well plan for it.

It rather depends if they will be in and available doesn’t it.

I had someone arrive early recently for something and was all astonishment that I wasn’t in. Because when I say from 5pm it’s because prior to 5pm I’m actually busy with something else! I don’t turn up for work meetings half an hour early either.

Anyone that wasn’t raised by wolves knows surely that it is rude to be early for social engagements though surely?! Turning up on the dot for a party is such a faux pas. Basic manners. Yes someone is first obviously but not earlier than the invite, for from 5pm I’d be there for 5.10 not before.

My first thought would be that maybe she had misread or made a mistake in replying. I wouldn’t assume she was trying to be rude just based on this, but you know her and I don’t so presumably there’s a reason why you’ve jumped to this conclusion?

She likely means I'll be there 4.30 to help in readiness for everyone arriving. It's not rude, dramatic much.