To think this is rather rude?

[123678user]

We've offered to host my in-laws for an occasion, because our home makes most sense.

We've asked everyone to arrive from 5pm on a weeknight.

Several normal responses of "yes, lovely, what can we bring" etc etc. We've replied that there's no need to bring anything, we'll sort.

DSIL's reply is "yes, I'll be there at 4.30"

AIBU to think this is rude?

So have you replied that you won't be in, or not?

Surely if so then job done and no issue...

Yes, in one of my replies last night I said it had been clarified.

The AIBU isn't how to resolve, it's querying the attitude.

There wouldn't be an issue if SIL did as told an arrived on or after the time stated by op, if she wants to come earlier then SIL needs to ask or explain why she doesn't get to dictate the time she wants to be there.

It's rude after to think you get to override the arrival time given by someone, especially if it is at their home, no manners at all.

Why? Your husband could have sorted them out and you could have continued with what you were doing. Genuinely asking rather than being goady. If he had something he was doing too he could have said you are a bit early and Nikita will be down in due course.

Yes its rude, but I wouldn't respond.
You have stated 5pm.

I wouldn't arrive back until exactly at 5pm, she can sit in her car, not your problem.

I suppose if it's your party (DH doesn't like socialising), you want to be there to welcome your guests, and not leave them standing about on their own or trying to make small talk with someone who's socially awkward. We live in a part of the country where if you say "From 7pm" then most people won't turn up before 9pm!

You clearly have other beef with her. Don’t let it cloud your judgement. Just say no one will be home until 5.

I think it's rude to arrive early (and late, of course).

I an always punctual but that means being early, so I just find somewhere to sit in the car or in a cafe if travelling by train with a book until it's time to go.

I have a friend who makes a habit of arriving for things at mine about 20 mins early, and until I got wise to her I sometimes ended up hosting in my Cinderella rags because that last 20 mins was the 'me time' to get changed and brush my hair.

I think it must be mainly people who've never hosted.

OP cares, because they specifically said after 5 because that is when it is convenient for them to start receiving guests into their home. If you don’t live there and are visiting you are a guest, regardless of whether you are family or not. Check in time is after 5pm. OP’s house, OP’s rules.

@Cyb3rg4l yes you've totally got it.

Also there's nothing wrong with someone coming early, but it's polite for the guest to ask or offer rather than tell the host.

And that's the rudeness I was querying, not the desire to be there early.

I think it is because if you are organising things then those last 30 minutes are when everything comes together. If sil arrives at 4.30 and they have to stop, open the door and exchange a few pleasantries then those 30 minutes will be lost. Then guests start to arrive and there are things unfinished or those 30 minutes are the time that they want to get ready/shower/dressed/hair and make up etc in peace