How to make 8 yo learn to pee at break during school

[YourLastNerve]

DS is 8.
I am sick of pants coming home smelly with leaked urine where he basically avoids going to the loo at break and lunch because he is too busy playing. He then leaves it too late & leaks.

I thought maturity would kick in by now & he'd find it gross and that would make him make better choices but its not and I find it completely disgusting.

No issue with school rules around this he has plenty of opportunities to go and is choosing not to. No constipation at all.

Has anyone had this issue? How did you get them past it? At the moment i have had to say he will not get the Nintendo switch he is desperate for next birthday until it stops but its just not sinking in.

Children’s bladder health: bladder problems and incontinence - ERIC

Consult your GP. There may be a medical cause.

Perhaps explaining to DS that if you can smell his pants with leaked urine on them so can his friends and teachers, which must be embarrassing for him and eventually his friends will tease him about it ( and may possibly already be commenting behind his back) as it can’t be nice sitting next to him when he has leaked onto his pants or worse a wet patch appears on his trousers as well.

Aligirlbear I've tried this but it doesn't seem to prevent this happening - at the moment the "reward" of playing with friends seems to trump any shame or embarrassment.

SallyForf
I'm confident there isnt. No other health issues and i did have him checked for UTIs. He's admitted himself he does not want to leave a game/stop playing.

Are the toilets easily accessible at times when he needs to go, are there queues, are they pleasant toilets?

If his urine is quite smelly, he isnt drinking a lot either, I wouldnt have thought a little leak here and there is going to smell that bad by pick up time?

Ask his teacher to build in toilet times for him as an adjustment for him, he obviously needs support to recognise the need.

Your not alone. My 8 year old is the same. He older brother was also like this. They do grow out of it though that is the good news. It might not be too long now. I'm noticing slight improvement with mine the end might be in sight.

Oh and yes no medical issues which I'm sure is same for you. Just laziness. Drives me batty

My son who's the same has just been diagnosed dyspraxic (DCD). Apparently it can be a sign of poor interoception... Might be worth looking up

I feel uncomfortable that you're saying he can't have a birthday present because of this? I think that's a bit harsh, you're trying to shame him and that could have a profound effect on him.

Try and get him to do a wee at home before school and tell his teachers to remind him to go before lunch. That's all you can really do.

With winter coming up, things may get better as they're more likely to be stuck in for wet play, so won't be outside too distracted to go in for a wee.

Ask the school for their advice. Not peeing can cause problems so it's unhealthy for him to keep ignoring it. Maybe teachers can tell him to go?

Are the toilets easily accessible at times when he needs to go, are there queues, are they pleasant toilets

The toilets have been refurbed & are lovely. Queues aren't an issue. He admits himself he doesn't want to stop playing - its behavioural.

No dyspraxia. He could tie his laces well at 5. No learning needs whatsoever. School unsurprisingly are reluctant to make "adjustments" for children who simply make poor choices & I agree with them.

He will get a birthday present, a lego kit or something, but not a nintendo switch. Ive always said its a grown up, expensive present that he has to show he's sensible/grown up enough to have.

I dont know to be honest OP, kids will sometimes give the easiest explanation

Has something happened in the loos, frightened him?

To have to sit around in wet pants and its surely the case that someone has mentioned it to him at school, kids see and say things. That is a powerful motivator so he needs a powerful reason not to go. Playing doesnt seem that strong

Is he like this at home?

I'd talk to the teacher. They can remind him to go. It might not be everyday as teachers are busy and human. They could also let him go in a lesson. I'm a teacher and would have no problem with this.

Please don't make this into a big thing you will give him a complex. Also do not make it into a shame thing. He will grow out of it.

He isn't sitting in soaking pants. Hes holding it/putting off going and getting damp patches.

At home he used to be similar and would have avoided going if tv on etc but we were able to impose immediate consequences (tv off straight away if there was a leak etc) in a way school cant do with 30 kids in a class.

Going in a lesson isn't the answer. He'll happily go during something "boring". He needs to learn he has to choose to go during break & this is what Im looking for tips for.

I honestly am sure nothing has frightened him in the loos!

Getting a Switch sounds like it would have been a bad idea anyhow, as he'd do the same on your sofa.

I'd speak to the teacher and ask if he can discreetly be aloud to go to the toilet between breaks then he won't feel as though he's missing out on play time as such. Once he's into the habit of this he might be prepared to go in breaks given time. My dd used to hold her urine all day at school and had accidents up until year 1. I involved the teacher so she could help us to get on top of things and between us we cracked it.

How is it so smelly then if its only little leaks

Yes, I’d make this point to him.

If school staff won’t make him go to the toilet before he goes out to play, the only thing you can do is hold the switch over his head and be firm.

You have my sympathies - I’m a mum of boys. In my experience it’s the sanctions that work. No end of careful explanations and discussions does the trick. It had to be ‘ do that again and you lose x’ with mine.

I work in a school.

We would tell him to go to the toilet before lunch, when they go to wash their hands. Most children do go then.

My son was the same. Turned out he needed to be circumcised and peeing was painful, hence him putting it off. He didn't realise quite how painful it was until after the operation when he was dumbfounded by the fact that weeing didn't hurt at all! He had never complained about it and obviously didn't know any different. Shame. Hope it isn't this, but maybe good to rule it out.

Because it stays on the pants and trousers for hours. It doesn't take a lot of volume of urine to smell and it's not that easy to get rid of the smell without adding extra smelling stuff to the wash as well.

I totally get you OP, been there. Still happens occasionally and DS is also 8. He has got much better this last year but was the same, just didn't want to stop playing and happily admitted that.

You just have to keep reminding him, he will grow out of it eventually and explaining calmly to him that other people will notice and it might end up in him being teased is no bad thing. We did the same.

ask if he can discreetly be aloud to go to the toilet between breaks then he won't feel as though he's missing out on play time as such

This sort of misses the point really, he needs to learn he has to go & accept that yes, you do miss thirty seconds of playing. Hes a healthy boy with a normal bladder, he has to learn to put aside his wishes & pee when its break time.

Maray i think you are right, the only thing that ever seems to get through is sanctions.

Because it stays on the pants and trousers for hours. It doesn't take a lot of volume of urine to smell

This. I think its often happening before lunch & by end of school a damp patch has a surprisingly strong smell. I also suspect he's learned drinking less helps him avoid going.

Can he learn to go at the beginning of breaks rather than in the middle of playing? Could the teacher remind him to go on the way out?