How to make 8 yo learn to pee at break during school

[YourLastNerve]

DS is 8.
I am sick of pants coming home smelly with leaked urine where he basically avoids going to the loo at break and lunch because he is too busy playing. He then leaves it too late & leaks.

I thought maturity would kick in by now & he'd find it gross and that would make him make better choices but its not and I find it completely disgusting.

No issue with school rules around this he has plenty of opportunities to go and is choosing not to. No constipation at all.

Has anyone had this issue? How did you get them past it? At the moment i have had to say he will not get the Nintendo switch he is desperate for next birthday until it stops but its just not sinking in.

"Sensible/grown up" at 8? Ok...

If he's constantly avoiding using the toilets at school, he should have extraordinary bladder control by now. My son refused to use any toilet throughout primary and into secondary school without ever coming home with wet pants. Are you sure there's no other issue there?

Hes not avoiding them tho? OP said he just leaves it right to the last minute to go (like just about every kid) but he's cutting it too fine and ending up leaking a bit as he dashes to the loo.
He just needs to stop what he's doing like 1 minute sooner!!!

Sounds like he might have under-responsive interoception awareness when it comes to his bladder.

Imagine that interoception is like a tree that runs through our body, each branch connecting to a different internal signal (hunger, thirst, full bladder, full bowels, tiredness, pain, temperature, heart rate, emotions etc). Some people feel the body cue really intensely and it’s hard to ignore, the signal is very loud and distracting so we are sensitive to that internal feeling. Others can be under-responsive so the signal is very quiet and difficult to register/easy to ignore until it builds to an intensity that’s difficult to ignore eg; not needing the toilet and then suddenly needing it/ having accidents. Not feeling hungry, prioritising other things and then wham - hangry!!, forgetting to drink water until extremely thirsty/ headaches, not registering how warm you feel until you’re sweating and really uncomfortable.

It could be that his signal for toileting is just not very loud, so it doesn’t feel to him that he needs to go. If it’s easy to ignore through playing with his friends then the signal clearly isn’t very loud or causing him discomfort (because let’s be fair, when you REALLY need to go it’s very distracting and uncomfortable). It then makes sense if he’s leaking due to being completely distracted and not noticing the signal.

Just something to consider and maybe look into..

I would echo the smart watch/vibrating reminder to use the toilet & rule out any potential medical issues.

The bigger issue here is that this is a massive overreaction to a problem that is not uncommon amongst school children. They don't want to go to the toilet because they're too busy having fun and/or the toilets are disgusting and/or teachers get fed up with children losing instruction time to use toilets outside breaks.

Look at the language OP (YourLastNerve, cmon!) uses in this post about how she's fuming about sniffing out her kid for a drop of wee in pants every day, alongside massive calls for "maturity" for an 8 year old boy. It all just suggests she just needs to chill out a bit...

I am not being funny but many schools manage this because they respect human rights.

I attended one my children attend two they aren't anomalies. The world has yet to combust.

I can't understand the need to restrict humans from access to toilets. When others manage it without issues.

Absolutely this.

I feel awful for this little boy. OP claims he has no bladder issues, but she cannot know that. He's also only 8 and at school all day. I don't blame him for not wanting to give up his playtime. He should be able to go to the toilet when he needs it, even if it's during a lesson.

But its not training a child to go for a wee at set times.
Its taking the opportunity to go for a wee at a time thats appropriate and won't disturb other things.
As adults we all know its wise to pop to the loo before a meeting starts rather than end up desperate halfway through?
And everyone reminds their kids to go to the loo before going on a car journey?

This situation is akin to you giving your child the option to go the loo at the services, them saying no, then announcing they need a wee 10 minutes later.
Understandable in a 4 or 5 year old, but by 8 you hope they are making better choices.
Schools constantly say to kids, take the opportunity to go to the loo at break?

Are you sure the problem is too much playing? My DD is 13 and struggles horribly with school toilets.

• They smell
• They are noisy - there are lots of people in there, hand-dryers
• The other kids do silly things like banging on the door / turning off the lights

It was enough that she stopped drinking in school so as to avoid the toilets but wouldn't tell me what the problem was.

Gosh its obvious you've never been in a primary school lessom as an adult. 30 kids, imagine if all of them went to the loo once during the morning session between 9 and 12, during taught time (eg not assembly - or do you want them to disturb everybody climbing over all the kids halfway through that?) or break. There would be a child asking to go approximately every 5 minutes!

And we have the knowledge that 8 isn't an adult! And if I need the toilet during the meeting I get up and go, why wouldn't I?

Honestly sometimes I wonder.

Gosh you'd be seen as unprofessional where i work, why on earth wouldn't you pop to the loo between meetings.

And somewhere along the way kids need to bridge the gap and start making those sensible choices about when to go the loo. Many secondary schools won't let kids go during a lesson without some sort of medical condition.
Think the OP us looking to find ways to encourage her child to make some better choices?
God its no wonder there are problems in school when people act like its practically abusive to suggest a child in juniors could go to the loo without leaving it right to the last second.

Well I work in public sector third level education and we respect humans as being, human. That's what happens when you work with intelligent people.

They don't judge humans for being, eh humans.

You ask a Teaching Assistant, best bet!

Been tried. No result. 😔

Two of my primary school aged grandchildren will not use school toilets - not because they're too busy playing but because they say that they're filthy and other children mess around because they're unsupervised. E.g, hand soap all over the floor and walls and wash basins, taps left running, toilet paper in the wash basins, dirty toilet paper in the cubicles, wet toilet seats wet floors, unflushed toilets, even more unmentionable things 🤢

My grandson would complain that boys wee on each other in the nursery class toilets because staff couldn't see them - apparently they think it's hilarious.

When we've mentioned this to school they say that children are routinely reminded every break time to use the toilets and that they don't have the staff to supervise the children.

So there's no answer really. Whenever we explain that they'll feel bad (dehydrated) if they don't drink, it doesn't make a difference.

The staff simply say it's up to the child to make sure that they 'go'.

My grandchildren dash to the loos as soon as we get home - no accidents though.

Their water bottles are always never touched. They know that if they have a drink they may have to use the school facilities.

My son used to do this too. All it took was a teacher to specifically remind him at the beginning of break and the end of school for a couple of weeks and he got in the habit and it's not been an issue since.

I know that some teachers would baulk at it, but it's really a tiny ask, and it's not for long - just enough to instill the habit. (like my mum did so well that I can't actually leave the house without going and doing a wee 'just to check' even in my 40s!)

(my son is dyspraxic.. his brother, who isn't, has the bladder of an elephant and holds it all day until he gets home and sprints to the loo - which is a whole other issue TBH)

Then if mum has already raised concerns with the teacher and teaching assistant (multiple times I think you said earlier, or did I misread that?) then it sounds like there are bigger issues around communicating here. Try someone else - phase leader, senco, deputy head...

I don’t think anyone would judge an occasional pop out but honestly - you’re saying someone would repeatedly go to the toilet just after a comfort break or lunch and it wouldn’t be seen as a bit unprofessional? As I’m not totally sure I buy that!

Just like children, no one minds the odd need to go in lessons but when the same children are always asking to go it is surprising just how disruptive it can be. It also has a trigger action on the class as a whole so the lesson turns into a constantly revolving door with kids in and out and in and out.

Yes because I work with grown adults who don't judge due to being through a fucked up education system which equates normal human behaviour as being "disrespectful".

In your scenario then women who are likely to suffer from urinary control in later life would be discriminated unfairly! But hey ho.

Seriously, if you equate professional behaviour with normal human behaviour I really think a serious reflection is required.

Thankfully I have always worked with intelligent reasonable humans and educated as one.

There is literally an adult, who obviously sees access to a toilet as a nice to have as opposed to s Human right. Who is using shame as a patenting technique, yep not seeing that as a great idea.

I don’t think that at all. I just think repeatedly gojbg out to the toilet at 11:15 when you had a break at 11 is taking the piss for anyone, child or adult.

I think sometimes they find it difficult to think ahead. So at break time he might not actually need the loo but he needs to learn that he will need it at some point. My ds was like this with all manner of things. So we'd go food shopping for example and I'd say what would you like to choose? Then he'd say nothing I'm not hungry and I'd have to remind him that he will be later. They kind of need to be taught to pre empt their own needs.

Sorry but id wager your colleagues think you take the piss, heading back in from a 1hr lunch break, logging back in, joining a call... Then going to the loo 😂😂😂
There's no way in hell you do this, on the regular.
Ive worked in public sector and the loos were always at their busiest a few mins before the hour when people nipped in before their next meeting!
Next you'll be saying you also excuse yourself 15 mins into a meeting to go and make a drink 😂

It's hard to change a behaviour when your not around at school. For example when mine got older and didn't wee as they didn't want to stop staying I would make sure they were more inconvenienced by having to soak their clothes, put them in the wash and get changed so that they learnt it was quicker to just wee.

Would it be possible to when we gets home from school make him do the washing, and I'm guessing he'll need a shower if he's been sat in them for hours to make him realise that he's missing out more by not taking 30secs to wee? Not in a shaming him making a big deal of it but in a natural consequences, you did this, you need to sort it.