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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that £100...

119 replies

frootloop · 24/04/2008 13:16

isn't much to buy myself a whole new after pregnancy wardrobe, dh seems to think so.

i dont want to sound like a WAG but i really have nothing to wear except jogging bottoms.

none of my pre-pregnancy clothes or underwear fit anymore as they are too small and all my maternity stuff is winter wear and the underwear is too big now, i feel like a total frump and have no self esteem with my saggy baby belly.

i looked on marks and spencer website and with £100 i could buy

1 summer dress
2 nice bras
1 pack of tights
3 packs of knickers

am i being really ungrateful or is dh being tightfisted (he earns more than enough to give more and he buys himself whatever he likes whenever he likes)

OP posts:
NotABanana · 24/04/2008 15:44

as he earned it...

Original poster
frootloop · 24/04/2008 17:48

i think he does see it as his as he earned it, i think he finds it hard to give up control of the money as he was bought up in poverty and worked very hard to get out that kind of life so he feels better knowing where money is, what its being spent on, how much is put away for retirement etc.

and ive never really forced the matter to get it sorted because i can have money if i want it.

OP posts:
BlinkingNoraWotzThat · 24/04/2008 17:58

Maybe its just the fact that it is £100 in one go - it might sound an awful lot to spend in one go especially from what you have just said.

You need to make a clothes allowance as such, especially as the children get older. School uniform and school shoes alone can be very expensive. It is a new concept to share, it will work out, you sound very reasonable.

ELR · 24/04/2008 18:00

get down to primark you will be able to get 3 new wardrobes for that!!

Original poster
frootloop · 24/04/2008 18:09

i dont have a primark near me. dh earns enough for me to buy my entire wardrobe from boden if i wanted to (if i didn't think it was a right rip off). ive spotted the dresses i want in marks that arent too outragously priced.

OP posts:
skidoodle · 24/04/2008 18:17

"and ive never really forced the matter to get it sorted because i can have money if i want it."

as long has he is prepared to give it to you

if anything goes wrong in your relationship while your finances are arranged this way you are F.U.C.K.E.D

you must, must, must get this sorted immediately

Original poster
frootloop · 24/04/2008 19:47

spoken to him this evening about it and said something along those lines skidoodle.

basicly said we have to get it sorted because if he got run over by a bus me and ds would be left destitute as i have no access to money.(is that right???)

he is going to sort it out over the phone tomorrow.

OP posts:
BlinkingNoraWotzThat · 24/04/2008 21:21

so it 's not the amount or money, or what you can buy, or his opinion of how you spend it, its how you can get the money to do it. I missed the point.

TotalChaos · 24/04/2008 21:25

Agree with madamez. Your DH sounds horrible.

amytheearwaxbanisher · 24/04/2008 21:28

ynbu why does he own the money? in my house once bills our sorted[which i do]the disposable is put in a jar and we take as we need its our money!

YouHaventSeenMe · 24/04/2008 21:34

Oh Lord God, but you are being controlled.

Get over yourself and tell him to........well actually p'raps best not to tell the wanker you are married to what I am thinking.

deeeja · 25/04/2008 01:09

If I want something I just buy it. I know how much money there is in all bank accounts, I make sure we have internet banking. If my dh gets arsey about money, I buy stuff over the internet, and alot of clothes. We have come to an understanding that he has to say nothing about how much I spend, unless he wants to walk around with a woman who looks like his maid.
Clothes are not a luxury, especially after a pregnancy when your shape has changed. Your underwear size has probably changed aswell(well, mine did), you NEED underwear! You also need a new jacket, lots of tops(baby will be sick), dresses, skirts, and also sandals/shoes.Get your hair done, you probably need a new bag since you have to carry around baby stuff too.
Just do it, don't ask him. You have been pregnant with his child, and now you will have sleepless nights looking after his child.
He should appreciate you more.

Original poster
frootloop · 27/04/2008 22:05

sorry ive not replied for ages, ds had his jabs and has been a nightmare ever since.

well dh still hasnt done anything about our finances. im getting even more annoyed about it now as i really want a gliding nursing chair, ive been asking for it for weeks and weeks and since ds has been so out of sorts this weekend ive almost been begging for it, i found one for £80 on kiddicare, dh just says we need to wait untill he gets paid(which he says whenever i want to buy something) and then goes on about how a recession(sp?) is looming.

what makes me even more angry is dh bought a £250 bike without consulting me, and its been used about 3 times and sat in the shed since last summer. and he has spent hundreds of pounds buying computer stuff

i have no how to make him phone the bank without nagging and making him angry, if i try and make him do it whilst im standing there he comes up with some excuse as to why he can't.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 27/04/2008 22:10

As much as I hate myself for saying this, I think you need to get hold of his credit card and buy what you need.

Original poster
frootloop · 27/04/2008 22:13

i would fimbo, but i have no idea about the state of our finances, the card could be almost at the limit and i wouldn't know.

OP posts:
SmugColditz · 27/04/2008 22:15

Ebay his stuff.

macdoodle · 27/04/2008 22:20

hmmm well I am too post preg and a size larger than my pre preg work clothes - and back to work in 5 weeks....I spent just under £100 on the M+S sale online and got 2 skirts 4 trousers and a jacket AND a baby present for a friend expecting next monht - just need some tops for my ginormous milk boobs so yes YADBU
No underwear though

TheHedgeWitch · 27/04/2008 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

edam · 27/04/2008 22:57

agree with Colditz, sell his bike. And get the money sorted - he's controlling you. Legally what's his is yours and vice versa, as a married couple it's all 'joint' no matter who earns it. And you are quite right about what would happen if he fell under a bus - when FIL died, his bank accounts were frozen so MIL had NO money at all (they had a joint account).

HappyNewYearFeet06 · 28/04/2008 16:06

Only just seen this thread. I am a SAHM to 3 children. After my third I went out and bought new clothes but it was my money. Dh has his bank acconut which I am not allowed to touch and I have mine. Mine has the Child Benefit go into it and £20.00 a week Family Tax Credit.

My money has to buy mine and all of dc's clothesand shoes when needed. Taking the dc's out, dc's birthday presents. Infact anything for the dc's. Including if I want to go out or do anything.

I feel for you fruitloop as it is not nice at all.

My dh bought the house by himself and lets me know it all of the time. Its not our house its his.

foxythesnowfox · 28/04/2008 16:13

I'm in a similar position to HappyNYF06, DP has the house in his name only, we have seperate accounts, he pays into mine every month.

I have also memorised his card number, exp date and security number (on the back).

HappyNewYearFeet06 · 28/04/2008 16:15

My dh doesn't give me any money.

foxythesnowfox · 28/04/2008 16:22

so does he pay for everything household? Mortgage, food, bills, etc?

Original poster
frootloop · 28/04/2008 16:36

i managed to bump the shopping budget up a bit but in the end i couldnt fit into anything and i couldnt face getting the fitting room assistants to keep going off for bigger and bigger sizes [regrets eating all those m&ms].

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 28/04/2008 16:40

happynewyear...and you put up with this because.....?

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