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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that £100...

119 replies

frootloop · 24/04/2008 13:16

isn't much to buy myself a whole new after pregnancy wardrobe, dh seems to think so.

i dont want to sound like a WAG but i really have nothing to wear except jogging bottoms.

none of my pre-pregnancy clothes or underwear fit anymore as they are too small and all my maternity stuff is winter wear and the underwear is too big now, i feel like a total frump and have no self esteem with my saggy baby belly.

i looked on marks and spencer website and with £100 i could buy

1 summer dress
2 nice bras
1 pack of tights
3 packs of knickers

am i being really ungrateful or is dh being tightfisted (he earns more than enough to give more and he buys himself whatever he likes whenever he likes)

OP posts:
Original poster
frootloop · 24/04/2008 14:14

i think its because im so bad at maths(grade G at gcse) he worries that i'll bankrupt us

OP posts:
NotABanana · 24/04/2008 14:17

Open a separate account for you and get his to put so much in it each month for you to use to buy all you need for the baby, any groceries and things you need.

VictorianSqualor · 24/04/2008 14:19

We havent got round to putting my name on the main account either, but I do have dp's card details written down

dorisofdevon · 24/04/2008 14:26

I agree with other's I'm a recent convert to ebay ( 2 stuning evening dresses for under 55 pounds!!) but the priorty would be to have if not your name on the accounts ( why not? ) then a standing order into your account each month for your clothes, birthday presents etc so that you can manage your own budget as an independant adult.....surely you have the child benifit / child tax credits etc paid into your account....

Original poster
frootloop · 24/04/2008 14:29

notabanana- thats what we do, but he will go and use it too without me knowing and it just ends up in an overdrawn mess. im in the process of nagging him to put money into my old account i had before we married so he cant use it.

OP posts:
NotABanana · 24/04/2008 14:30

If it is an account in your name how can he use it without asking you?

Original poster
frootloop · 24/04/2008 14:30

we are still waiting for child benefit. its been 9 weeks now since we applied.

OP posts:
Original poster
frootloop · 24/04/2008 14:32

its a joint account meant for me to use, but he uses it anyway for internet shopping or in places he doesnt trust in case of card fraud

OP posts:
Flame · 24/04/2008 14:33

GCSE maths has no bearing at all on being able to control money

NotABanana · 24/04/2008 14:34

That is barmy. He will risk your money but not his. He sounds lovely.

I would go to the bank and ask for a different card so he can't use it. At some point he must have got the details off you and he has shown now he can't play fair.

Chase up CB. I am sure it shouldn't take 9 weeks. Are you sure your OH hasn't had it paid into his account?

Cappuccino · 24/04/2008 14:36

ok two things

  1. you can buy a whole new wardrobe for £100 at Primark or H&M

  2. if you have a family and a marriage your money should be shared. Doesn't matter who earns what. Bills/ food/ money all in one account, then a bit extra for each of you. The SAME amount. He should not be giving you money if you are a family it should all be shared

get internet banking so you can both check

your dh is being an arse about money

VictorianSqualor · 24/04/2008 14:37

Hng on, you have a joint account that is yours and a seperate account that is his?
I'd tell him his wages need to go into the joint account.

madamez · 24/04/2008 14:39

You have far more pressing problems than what to wear. For whatever reason, your DP wants to control the money and keep you short of it, which is profoundly unhealthy. Either he is a gambler or up to something else that means he needs to stop you finding out how much he is spending, or he is a jealous control freak who wants to keep you dependent. Give him one more chance to sort out the finances (ie with a deadline) and if he doesn;t, then consult a solicitor or WOmen's Aid to find out what your rights are.

Cappuccino · 24/04/2008 14:41

you will have no self esteem as a person if your dh 'gives' you money like a little woman

is this your first baby?

Original poster
frootloop · 24/04/2008 14:42

no, i filled out the forms and put my bank details down, we got another form asking some stupid question to 'help process our application' a few weeks ago, so god knows how long it will take.

dh is really paranoid about card fraud and because i internet shop loads we only have small amounts in the joint account, just in case.

OP posts:
sitdownpleasegeorge · 24/04/2008 14:43

Am I missing something here..

You said a whole new after pregnancy wardrobe but your list just has one dress and some underwear.

You need clothes, buy clothes.

If you don't set the pattern of the way things are going to be financially now, your dh will resist more strenuously in the future.

I would also recommend ebay too.

Original poster
frootloop · 24/04/2008 14:48

he's not a gambler. its just not getting around to going to the bank, we say every month that we should go to the bank and get it sorted, but we forget, or get sick of waiting and leave when we do remember.

OP posts:
mustsleep · 24/04/2008 14:51

i don't think that £100 is anywhere near enough

i remember feeling wful after having dd as everything was far too small, and we were skint so could only buy a few things here and there so can totally sympathise with you

yanbu

pollykettlechips · 24/04/2008 15:03

Buying some new clothes after a baby is really important for your self esteem. I was still wearing maternity clothes 2 months after DS as pre-preggers clothes just wouldn't fit,and it really got me down. then a got some new underwear and a new outfit for our first night out and it made me feel so much better. Shop wisely and you can get a lot for £100 but from previous posts it seems that the amount is not really the issue.

Fimbo · 24/04/2008 15:04

I presume you can't get hold of a card and shop online?

If you can, try Uniqlo they have some good offers, but you have to be quick. I bought a cardigan on Saturday in-store which had been reduced to £9.99 but were back to full price when I went to order a different coloured one yesterday! (didn't stop me buying a few bargains though!)

Fimbo · 24/04/2008 15:05

Sorry just re-read thread, ignore my first line.

Original poster
frootloop · 24/04/2008 15:15

im planning on presenting dh with a list of what i want and saying ill need X amont of £s.

then i will make him sit down and have a "discussion" about our finances.

OP posts:
Mikafan · 24/04/2008 15:21

I would also consider looking at the clothes in Sainsburys - good stuff reasonably priced

hanaflower · 24/04/2008 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotABanana · 24/04/2008 15:44

It sounds like he thinks the money is his and he earned out outside the home.