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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this an odd comment from the charity shop assistant

156 replies

LellyJelly · 20/10/2024 23:37

I was looking through some rail, one near the till and I was looking at some trousers for a while, just seeing what they were like. I could feel that she was watching me. All of a sudden the assistant said 'they're a size 20, I don't think they'd be any good for you.' Aibu to think this is odd to comment on? She doesn't know my size and I felt like she was a bit strange to decide what would be good or not for me.

OP posts:
Nowordsformethanks · 21/10/2024 05:55

People find offence anywhere. Hardly something to be fuming about. We're expected to be blind to things (weight) yet also expected to notice and acknowledge the same things (for those offended that people havent noticed their weightloss). Whichever one you do, someone will be offended.

Nowordsformethanks · 21/10/2024 05:56

Perhaps you were dithering and she wanted to move you along too. You did say she was watching you.

Itiswhysofew · 21/10/2024 06:01

YABU. Surely she was just being helpful & doing a good job?

GroovyChick87 · 21/10/2024 06:13

It's not as if she was telling you they were too small for you so I wouldn't get upset about this, but she should not really have commented on anything. There's a man who works in the The Works bookshop who was telling me to put the books I was buying back and to get different ones that he recommended and kept going on about it. It was just an awkward interaction and pointless.

Attelina · 21/10/2024 06:15

Maybe you were dithering over them for so long she thought you were plotting to steal them so made any old comment to make you aware she was watching you act suspiciously.

OfficerChurlish · 21/10/2024 06:20

Yes, it's an odd comment. Even if they were clearly not your size, you could have been shopping for a gift or for your child, partner, parent, etc. If she somehow thought they were clearly the wrong size for you, maybe she assumed you were a reseller and wanted to dissuade you?

DoIWantTo · 21/10/2024 06:21

Yeah that’s weird but charity shop volunteers and staff tend to be rather weird. They like to think they’re stopping grand theft 99% if the time. I used to be employed by the SA and that was a really intense group of shop staff that were convinced every single customer coming in was there to steal the donations.

Chimbos · 21/10/2024 06:24

I find charity shop workers quite often want to chat. I guess it’s the nature of someone who volunteers their time- friendly and wants to chat. That’s all. She was just starting a conversation and possibly was trying to help

friendconcern · 21/10/2024 06:27

I bought a massive jumper a few weeks ago from a chairlift shop. It was marked one size but in hindsight that’s only because someone had cut the label out. It must be about a size 20, I’m a 10. It’s bloody massive 🤣

OP she wasn’t doing anything wrong at all, just making small talk. You could have just said ‘oh I like my clothes on the larger side’, conversation over.

DreamTheMoors · 21/10/2024 06:34

LellyJelly · 20/10/2024 23:44

I am between a 14-16 but have quite short legs

Show quote history

I get you, @LellyJelly — you didn’t ask for audience participation.
And you shouldn’t have to be explaining now.

WillowTit · 21/10/2024 06:34

all types of people work in charity shops,
give her a break op

CutiePatooties · 21/10/2024 06:34

Is this a real post?

you’re a 14-16, so clearly look smaller than a 20. You’re 2-3 sizes smaller than that! She was trying to help you not waste your time. I could see how this may cause offence if you were bigger than a 20 and she’d said that, but you’re not. You’re smaller and she’s highlighted the fact you’re smaller and that’s offended you some how? So you’re a 14-16 who wants to look a size 20? I don’t get it.

MissBattleaxe · 21/10/2024 06:41

DoIWantTo · 21/10/2024 06:21

Yeah that’s weird but charity shop volunteers and staff tend to be rather weird. They like to think they’re stopping grand theft 99% if the time. I used to be employed by the SA and that was a really intense group of shop staff that were convinced every single customer coming in was there to steal the donations.

That's not very nice.

Evaka · 21/10/2024 06:50

ShowerOfShites · 20/10/2024 23:55

What the actual feck is it lately with all the threads about charity shop workers apparently saying the wrong thing?

This is a YOU problem OP because what they said was more insignificant than a moth's fart.

Lol. Well, quite.

FeetupTvon · 21/10/2024 06:53

Could she have had a learning disability?
Was she trying to make a joke?
Trying to make conversation?
Maybe it was a compliment?

I honestly wouldn’t take her comment as rude.

InWalksBarberalla · 21/10/2024 06:56

LellyJelly · 20/10/2024 23:37

I was looking through some rail, one near the till and I was looking at some trousers for a while, just seeing what they were like. I could feel that she was watching me. All of a sudden the assistant said 'they're a size 20, I don't think they'd be any good for you.' Aibu to think this is odd to comment on? She doesn't know my size and I felt like she was a bit strange to decide what would be good or not for me.

I can't even imagine the kind of person you must be to complain about a charity shop worker trying to be helpful. Most likely a volunteer, and quite possibly with a learning disability or other social disadvantages.

MumoftwoGranofone · 21/10/2024 06:58

LellyJelly · 20/10/2024 23:37

I was looking through some rail, one near the till and I was looking at some trousers for a while, just seeing what they were like. I could feel that she was watching me. All of a sudden the assistant said 'they're a size 20, I don't think they'd be any good for you.' Aibu to think this is odd to comment on? She doesn't know my size and I felt like she was a bit strange to decide what would be good or not for me.

Its not odd, it’s rude.

Serencwtch · 21/10/2024 06:59

Most of the charity shop staff are volunteers (apart from manager/supervisor) and nearly always people not in employment due to long term disability eg autism, learning disabilities. It helps them develop skills to use in paid employment!

The comment sounds like something a person with autism or learning disability would say in an attempt to be helpful & unaware it could come across wrong.

If you are going to be easily offended by people who have additional needs and might come across a bit 'different' then you are better off sticking to high end clothing shops who don't have staff with disability etc.

Fairyliz · 21/10/2024 07:08

Disclaimer I’m a volunteer in a charity shop and no I don’t have special needs. Like 95% of the volunteers I am retired and now have time to give back to a cause that is close to our hearts.
I actually think she was trying to compliment you, so tell you that she can see you are much smaller than a size 20 trousers.
It’s actually a bit sad that so few people want any kind of human interaction; it’s no wonder so many people are lonely and depressed.

Coconutter24 · 21/10/2024 07:13

LellyJelly · 20/10/2024 23:44

I am between a 14-16 but have quite short legs

Show quote history

Then YABU they will be to big on you and she just pointed out they were a bigger size than you take

WhatNoRaisins · 21/10/2024 07:14

I'd find that quite intrusive personally. I sometimes use charity shop stuff for things like costumes for my DC so obviously look at the smaller sized stuff. I'd feel quite embarrassed if someone felt the need to say something like, "that's a size 6 and you're obviously much larger".

Not giving personal comments when you've not been asked to is something everyone should know whether it's instinctive or something you need to have been taught.

Lifestooshort71 · 21/10/2024 07:15

I'm a volunteer in a charity shop, one of a team of 8 mainly retired women and we help to keep the prices of the clothes low because the Charity only has to pay the manager. As far as I can tell, none of us has any disability that might affect our interaction with the public but most of us do like to chat and I expect we all get it a bit wrong sometimes. We've all held 'proper jobs' in the past and some miss the daily chat that made lives more colourful and interesting so take the opportunity to engage with the customers and yes, we probably miss the mark sometimes but none of us is ever intentionally rude or intrusive. I hope it won't put the OP off using charity shops.

TerfTalking · 21/10/2024 07:35

CrispyCrumpets · 21/10/2024 00:05

She was most likely a volunteer though. A lot of charity shop workers I come across appear to have some mild disabilities too, so I'd not been offended if their customer service skills weren't the most polished.

A young man was trying to be helpful when I was buying something quite recently, he was way off the mark, but I could tell he was just trying to be helpful and have a chat. No harm done. It's just a bit of harmless human interaction.

Show quote history

Exactly! I volunteer, not in a charity shop, but even so. We’re a very mixed bag and there is definitely a higher number of ND people in our team than there ever was in my corporate job.

It’s great, everyone works very hard, for free.

FrancisSeaton · 21/10/2024 07:41

Once again in MN land someone has sat stewing for days on end due to a perfectly normal and benign everyday interaction

No wonder kids mental health is on the floor with role models who spend their days shaking and crying because somebody knocked the door^ or made conversation in a shop^

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