To find this an odd comment from the charity shop assistant

[LellyJelly]

I was looking through some rail, one near the till and I was looking at some trousers for a while, just seeing what they were like. I could feel that she was watching me. All of a sudden the assistant said 'they're a size 20, I don't think they'd be any good for you.' Aibu to think this is odd to comment on? She doesn't know my size and I felt like she was a bit strange to decide what would be good or not for me.

Are you normally this over sensitive OP?

🤣

I'm curious as to why you were looking at a pair of trousers for a while.

Surely you'd look at the size and if they weren't suitable put them back.

Or buy them if they were suitable.

Standing there looking at them for a while when they were clearly the wrong size seems odd. So she obviously advised you on the size, as she clearly saw they weren't your size, and advised you accordingly.

She was merely being helpful.

This is an utterly unhinged level of snobbery and nastiness coming from someone buying secondhand goods from a charity shop.

Maybe she was looking at the fabric to use for something else? This time of year, to make a 'guy' or turn into a costume?

it really doesn't matter. She can look as long as she likes.

im sure the OP IS quite able to decide for herself whether the'll fit her or not (IF she even needs them to)

I think this lady sounds rather nice. If someone said something like that to me I would take it as the compliment it was intended to be. I also think you are being very rude about the fact that she is American and about her accent. I am not a general fan of American culture or some of their accents, but I could say the same about some aspects of British culture and some of our accents. In any case, there are good and bad people everywhere in the world and she sounds like one of the good ones.

Why was she a snooty bat? And as for your hoping the OP put her in her place, she was probably a volunteer and trying to be helpful. What an unpleasant post.

If I was in a shop looking to spend money, especially to charity shop and someone told me what I was looking was no good for me I’d be pissed off - but the OP didn’t say how the conversation went. I know they are usually volunteers, or people doing community pay back - whatever. You can go into any shop and look at whatever - and buy whatever. Why say it’s no good for you ? Maybe snooty bat was a bit harsh.

I agree that a lot of staff in charity shops seem to have some sort of learning difficulties or mild communication difficulties, I wonder if it is a form of rehabilitation to be placed in these shops.

Some staff in our local charity shops have learning difficulties and would probably say something like this to try and be helpful without realising it requires more tact. Maybe that could be the case in your experience?

@LellyJelly
If you feel that someone making polite small talk is weird and odd, then stay at home or don't go out out without your mother.
If you couldn't open your mouth to make a polite comment back
(This is something known as a conversation) then you are the odd ball.

Take no notice of any who encourage you in your odd behaviour because they are odd too-they probably wear ear buds, never make eye contact and break out in a sweat if someone addresses them.

What a society you and others like you are making for the future. very sad.

Another fucking oddball!

Wow. Hard take on the OP. Did not sound like polite small talk to me, just an awkward exchange, but you be the manners police and put everyone in their place.

The OP was unmannerly and I am pointing that out to her.

Absolutely this. I used to run a group of charity shops, and the volunteers are generally people with hearts of gold, many of them having their own life problems and vulnerabilities. You know the saying 'never attribute that to malice which can be explained by incompetence' or similar? Well, in the case of charity shop volunteers, this rings very true. Think hearts of gold and, in many cases, a life where social skills never have had the chance to be taught or refined. When I moved to working in mental health I was touched when a client told me that her biggest ambition was to be able to work in a charity shop.

@LellyJelly why don't you volunteer in the shop and show her how to do it correctly?

Seriously though, it seems to me that the people who like to complain about volunteers not being perfect at their jobs are the same people who never volunteer themselves. I figure I should be grateful for what volunteers do, or be willing to step up and do it myself.

Agree with the above!

Not necessary to call a woman that, ever.

You're way over thinking it. Most charity staff a re volunteers and don't always get customer service spot on especially if quite new. They were trying to be helpful. If you were larger than size 20 then you may have a point

Yep, she's a volunteer not a high end retail staff trying to sell Louis Vuitton handbags. Let's get perspective.

In the words of a famous play title📧

Much Ado About Nothing

Hard to say. Given OP is significantly smaller than the trousers, I’d think it was just a retail assistant trying to justify their job, which is absolutely fine.

However, I have had several bad experiences over the years. I have had cases where I have been told the clothes I’m looking at are too small (which was obvious to myself and anyone with eyes) and I happily explained I was looking for DD as the they were this size and the clothes seemed to be their style. It can then go two ways, the person can be helpful (asking any particular colours they wear, prefer skirts/dresses/pants/long/short) or they can be a complete cunt. In two cases I was outright asked to leave the store, on the basis I ‘just wasn’t the demographic’ (no, I’m not but I’m buying for that demographic), and in one case they stated I ‘wasn’t the sort of advertising they wanted in the store’. I was showered and clothes were clean, hair brushed etc but I am old, fat and frumpy. Neither of those two places were high end so no idea what they were thinking and I was happy to leave as zero chance of me spending anything there.

I would have felt the same as you OP as I’m happy to make small talk but don’t really like comments on my body shape/size etc (including perceived compliments) from strangers. There are lots of other things to talk about so I’d rather just get on with my day without it.

A few years ago a cashier in Asda was putting my few items through the till and picked up a pregnancy test and said “I hope this gives you the answer you want”. There were other people in the queue behind me too, although I’m not sure if they heard. I thought it was probably well-intentioned but incredibly misjudged. In the moment I mumbled a shocked “er, thanks” and left it at that. I was a bit shocked but didn’t want to get the assistant into trouble, as it felt clumsy rather than rude.

Working in a clothes shop you soon can tell a persons size.
Let it go.
I had the same buying a bra when i looked small than i actually was.
I didnt care.

She's probably a volunteer with little training just trying to help! Sometimes it's worth cutting people slack or giving benefit of the doubt rather than jump to 'putting them in their place'