Or does she have squatters rights?

[Bettycrocker7]

We live in a 3 bed semi with no potential to move, extend or convert the attic.
Me and dh have one bedroom, dd13 and ds10 ( he has asd and adhd) share one room.
Dd 14 (she has adhd and asd) has her own box sized room.

Around two and a half years ago ds had the box room and the two girls shared.
My eldest dd was very difficult to share a room with. No emotional regulation, huge meltdowns, repeated unkind behaviour and she would stay up until the early hours.
After months of sleepless nights, we decided to put ds (then 8) and middle dd (then 10) in one room and give eldest dd her own bedroom in the box room. This did restore peace in the house for a while.

We've now reached a point where middle dd (13) needs her own bedroom. Her little brother is annoying her and she is embarrassed to have friends over.

We have found a company who will build us a floor to ceiling bunk bed as a room divider and split the one room into two box sized rooms. At the end of the bunk will be a doorframe with a fully opening and closing door. This will be cladded so that there are no gaps between the two sides of the bed - essentially creating two box rooms.

Middle dd has said she would like the existing orginal box room ( currently dd14 bedroom) to be her room, she is the only one out of the three who hasn't had use of it. She is also the only one of the three to have always had to share a room.

The original box room can only fit a shorty style bed which is perfect as middle dd is quite small. The two new box rooms fit full sized single mattresses which is better for dd14 as she is taller than me.
Where my eldest dd and youngest ds both have adhd and asd they are night owls staying up watching tv until the early hours. Middle dd loves routine and is often asleep by 10ish.

Eldest dd14 is refusing to even discuss a move into one of the newly built box rooms.
She is quite literally claiming squatters' rights. Generally speaking, it's often her way or no way, she isn't able to have calm discussions and will have a meltdown if I try to discuss it with her. When we first brought the topic up (in the car) she shouted a lot and repeatedly shouted no over and over and kicked the back of my chair quite hard.

My gut tells me that middle dd13 is due her turn in the existing box room. I think it's better for the two children that stay up all night to share a party wall rather than all three be awake because either one of them is bugging middle dd.

I also feel that as a family we have always prioritised dd14 needs and that she does need to accept that sometimes in life she can't always get her own way and needs to learn to compromise.

So aibu to insist that DD14 move into one of the newly built box rooms.which fits a bed more suitable for her size? Does DD14 have squatters' rights? Or does DD13 have a fair argument in that she needs some peace and quiet and her turn of the original box room? DD13 has been sharing and compromising for the last two years by sharing with her brother so I do feel her argument has a fair bit of weight to it

Make up your mind and tell them this is what's happening, negotiation isn't going to work.

No she doesn’t have squatter’s rights, which don’t arise if you are using a space with permission of the owner.

I’m not entirely sure why you want to move her though.

I'm sorry, I don't know the answer, but I'm very interested to see what others think.

I did start writing something, but reading it back, it looked a bit daft!

Squatters rights? What are you talking about? She’s not a squatter. Let’s start there.

You are their mother, you pay for the house, your decision is final (and your partner's - make sure you're both on the same page and tow the same line)

I wouldn't rock the current arrangement, it will just create huge problems for everyone and I don't think your DD13's very small gain would be worth the pain.

I agree

She is a child living in your home that you pay for....a child! She does what you tell her

Are these room diving things legal when it comes to safety regs etc?

Issue a section 21. It might take a while to get through the courts but I'm sure you'd work it out.

Even squatters don't have rights these days, and a child living in her parents home is neither a squatter nor entitled to any particular bedroom.
Presumably the actual move into the newly created room is going to be some weeks down the line, and DD needs time to get used to the idea. Keep talking about it as a decision that has already been made, not in a confrontational way, but in a casual conversational way. Do not be drawn into arguments, but do state how it is now DD2's turn for the boxroom. You could discuss with them all how they would like their rooms decorated/colourschemes/bedding etc, but don't let DD1 think that you are going to budge on this. Let her see preparations, eg packing up the big room prior to the transformation, asking her if she wants to keep XYZ. She is the child and you are the grownup, and she needs to understand that you decide what will happen, not her, and your decision will be about what works for the family as a whole and what is fair.

Of course she doesn't have squatters rights.

Will the new box rooms both be fully independent to access or will one of them be walk through to get to the other? If the latter then as long as dd1's room is fully private, she is getting a better "deal" by moving - full sized bed, newly decorated room.

I would expect DS to want more privacy around 13/14 but that's a while off and DD1 may be away to University.

Stay firm and let DD2 have her choice prioritised for once.

You need to move to a bigger house. The splitting room plan sounds like robbing Peter to pay Paul and will leave no one happy. Have you looked for larger houses in the same area ?

This is the main thing isn’t it?

Middle dd has said she would like the existing orginal box room ( currently dd14 bedroom) to be her room, she is the only one out of the three who hasn't had use of it. She is also the only one of the three to have always had to share a room.

It’s her turn. You tell the others this is what’s happening and give them a few months to get used to the idea.

Always giving your neurotypical child the short straw because it’s easier isn’t fair.

Quite ok, here is an example of how it's done

I think it would be unfair to make her move unfortunately even if I get your reasoning. Kids get attached to their rooms

Squatters' rights in the UK, also known as adverse possession, are governed by the Land Registration Act 2002 and the Limitation Act 19801. To claim squatting rights, you need to meet certain criteria2:

1. Continuous occupation for 10 years (12 years if not registered with Land Registry).
2. Acting as owners of the property during that time.
3. No owner's permission (e.g. the property was not originally rented to a squatter

Acting as the owner of the property - that would include all the bills 😂

She had no rights.
And due to her antisocial behavior
she is being evicted and
rehoused

you make the rules

Is it mortgage or HA or private rent op?

A child can’t claim squatters rights 🤣🤣🤦‍♀️

What a revoltingly ableist post. She’s a child, with multiple neurodevelopmental conditions that are well known to involve resistance to change and an inability to regulate emotions. How dare you imply she’s not “a good child”.

And the reality is a huge number of autistic people simply don’t hold down jobs in adult life. You can’t parent the autism out of an autistic child in the hope they’ll be a typical adult.

OP I’d move her if you really think that’s for the best, but I think starting that discussion in the car out of the blue was unfair. She needs some time to get used to the idea and probably some control of, for example, which bunk room she gets. She doesn’t have “squatters rights” but I can completely understand why an autistic teen would use that phrase - you are massively changing her current home life as she sees it and that’s not an easy thing for an autistic person. To her she wants (may well feel she needs) the existing situation to continue, that’s all.

Are you really asking if your 14 year old daughter has squatter's rights?

This, does her siblings have to follow her demands generally? I also feel that as a family we have always prioritised dd14 needs

I can't believe you've made a 13 girl share with a younger brother to mollify a sibling.

Draw lots for rooms and promise to switch once a year?
But in case DD14 refuses to budge, you need a plan for what you're going to do about it. Let her stay there but refuse her any other treats or concessions until she moves? I don't know! Sounds a nightmare. Good luck.