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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Apparently I’m a c*#t

88 replies

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:16

My partner plays sport and won a big game today. I went to the game, cheered them on and celebrated with them immediately after the game. We then returned home and my partner got ready to go out to the pub with team mates. The original plan was that I would go out later to meet them to celebrate. I wanted to leave her have some time celebrating with her teammates and not have to worry about me as it is her local pub and I’m new to the area. When getting ready to leave she decided she wanted me to go immediately with her incase not everyone was there. I declined, reassured her that plenty of her teammates, coaches etc would be already there and said I would pop down later. She saw red and called me a c*#t twice and said she hated me. This isn’t the first time and there’s never an apology for any outbursts, only if I didn’t do x, y or z it wouldn’t have happened or she might say a few days later, if you weren’t so moody! I getting to a point where I’m at my wits end.

OP posts:
SleepToad · 19/10/2024 21:20

Sorry I why do you put up with this. Clearly she is insecure about being first in the pub...but we all face this type of situation without calling out partner named..recently I waited 30minutes for the rest of my 6th form group from 30years ago to come in to a pub which was busy with people eating...I'm an adult I waited

thistimelastweek · 19/10/2024 21:26

No-one who loves me has ever called me a cunt.

LeavesOnTrees · 19/10/2024 21:28

She saw red when you didn't do what she wanted.
Run, as far away as possible.

This won't get better.

Donkeyfromshrek · 19/10/2024 21:29

There is no excuse for that. Hope you are OK?

StSwithinsDay · 19/10/2024 21:29

She's abusing you. I'd leave her.

Reserved101 · 19/10/2024 21:30

Get rid.

CheeseWisely · 19/10/2024 21:31

If I'm correct in assuming no marriage, no kids, then I think I'd be gone by the time she got home.

She's abusive.

purplebeansprouts · 19/10/2024 21:32

Leave as soon as you can and it is safe to do so. If you are a woman contact woman's aid for assistance

Overtheatlantic · 19/10/2024 21:32

She needs to go.

Singleandproud · 19/10/2024 21:35

It's so useful when these people proudly fly their red flags, nice obvious sign for you to leave.

Presumably there are no children in the mix. Would you want to stay in your new area or go back to where you were before or somewhere new?

In nearly 40 years I have never been called that and if I was I would leave pronto, you aren't in the playground anymore, it's not ok for adults to call each other names.

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:37

@SleepToad yes she is insecure and no one would think it as she comes across as bubbly and outgoing but she also has a temper and basically has said she’s always had it and that’s the way it is. It’s impossible to have a rational conversation as regardless of what’s been said, I’m wrong. Thanks for your reply as I know in my head it’s not acceptable but it’s really having confirmation that I’m not going mad and this behaviour is not cool.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 19/10/2024 21:37

"She saw red and called me a c#t twice and said she hated me. This isn’t the first time and there’s never an apology for any outbursts"

Bin her. Seriously, just get rid. This is who she is and it's not going to change.

"it is her local pub and I’m new to the area."
Have you moved in with her, or do you have your own place?

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/10/2024 21:38

So instead of explaining to you she felt a bit insecure about going to the pub by herself... she lashes out and calls you a cunt?

This is not a stable, kind person to be in a relationship with. Leave, because until she fixes this, she is going to be an abusive partner, you can't fix it for her and currently it doesn't look like she thinks there is anything TO fix!

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 19/10/2024 21:39

Fucking hell. I hope you didn't go to the pub, did you?

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/10/2024 21:40

"she also has a temper and basically has said she’s always had it and that’s the way it is."
That is a MASSIVE red flag! let's reword her - 'I'm an abuser and I have no intention of changing, so suck it up!'

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:45

We have no kids but that is something we’ve hoped for but I know I’m my heart this is not behaviour I want my children to be around. I said it at the start of our relationship I didn’t want name calling to be something that became the norm. It’s crazy cause in our first year she stated how she hated the word c*#t (from a previous relationship) and now it’s something that she refers to me on a number of occasions.

OP posts:
getthosetitsup · 19/10/2024 21:45

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:37

@SleepToad yes she is insecure and no one would think it as she comes across as bubbly and outgoing but she also has a temper and basically has said she’s always had it and that’s the way it is. It’s impossible to have a rational conversation as regardless of what’s been said, I’m wrong. Thanks for your reply as I know in my head it’s not acceptable but it’s really having confirmation that I’m not going mad and this behaviour is not cool.

You don't have to put up with it - and that's the way THAT is.

Attelina · 19/10/2024 21:45

Uncontrolled aggression and raging over trivial things signals she is volatile and unsayable and you are at risk of the verbal aggression turning into physical violence.

You'll be walking on eggshells or doing things just to keep the peace if you stay with her.

BabyCloud · 19/10/2024 21:45

Leave asap. They sound vile.

Singleandproud · 19/10/2024 21:48

I wouldn't be going to the pub, I'd be packing my bags tonight and going to family / friends / Premier Inn tomorrow.

"I don't want to be in a relationship where verbal abuse and name calling is the norm, that's the way it is."

All ready to start a fresh and set up your future life on Monday.

Purplethursdays123 · 19/10/2024 21:48

Yeah it’s very over used but this person has some sort of personality disorder.

Vulnerable, everything is your fault, extreme fury sounds like covert narcissistic personality disorder. I’ve been watching lots of YouTube about this recently.

NPD is terminal. They won’t die but the relationship you have doesn’t exist except in your head. Stay the hell away. Please google and don’t delay.

Even if she had no personality disorders I would NEVER stay in a relationship with someone who called me a cunt. There is a basic lack of human decency and respect that is insurmountable.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 19/10/2024 21:51

She has no respect for you.. Don't you deserve someone who does op?

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:51

@Singleandproud yes I agree it’s a red flag. I have considered that it’s time to call it quits. I think I would be looking to move back to my hometown but it’s two hours away and unfortunately the logistics of work etc make it tricky and something that would take some time to sort.

OP posts:
Dotto · 19/10/2024 21:53

She's verbally abusive and controlling. Insecure is an explanation, not excuse.

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:56

@Purplethursdays123 yes previous outbursts have lead me to do some reading and I feel it gets to a point where behaviours aren’t going to change. It just baffles me as no one would believe she is like this. People have said to me she we’ve met that she’s so happy and a different person. I just can’t get my head around it

OP posts: