Apparently I’m a c*#t

[Newbie986]

My partner plays sport and won a big game today. I went to the game, cheered them on and celebrated with them immediately after the game. We then returned home and my partner got ready to go out to the pub with team mates. The original plan was that I would go out later to meet them to celebrate. I wanted to leave her have some time celebrating with her teammates and not have to worry about me as it is her local pub and I’m new to the area. When getting ready to leave she decided she wanted me to go immediately with her incase not everyone was there. I declined, reassured her that plenty of her teammates, coaches etc would be already there and said I would pop down later. She saw red and called me a c*#t twice and said she hated me. This isn’t the first time and there’s never an apology for any outbursts, only if I didn’t do x, y or z it wouldn’t have happened or she might say a few days later, if you weren’t so moody! I getting to a point where I’m at my wits end.

@WhereYouLeftIt we are living together with a few years and just moved back to her home village. My hometown is two hours away and so the logistics of work etc make it tricky.

I voted YABU for staying with a partner who regularly calls you a cunt.

Don't stay with her. Her behaviour towards you is unacceptable and will only get worse. Don't put up with this abuse. Leave.

People who love you do not call you a cunt.

This is simply not nice at all. Completely irrational reaction. I hope you're ok. Have a read over people's comments and advice and think about your next move. It certainly seems like you deserve better.

You're better off out of this. This is no life for anyone . There's really no excuse. You've been supportive and this is the thanks you get. Others are right it is most likely to escalate over time. You're right that this is no place for children. Perhaps time to move on. Best of luck.

She’s shown you a taste of who she is, believe her.

I would never in my wildest dreams speak to someone I apparently loved like that.

to be honest I can’t even imagine a situation where I’d call a complete stranger a cunt and that I hated them.

Gosh this sounds like my ADHD daughter (who is 11!). She can be insecure, though bubbly and happy as well. Most people wouldn’t think she gets anxious or has rejection sensitivity. And in fact it is a lot better now she is a bit older. Previously though if she was having a big emotion and didn’t get her own way immediately she would verbally lash out. Calling me horrible names and saying she hated me. Slamming doors, screaming, etc. But this is an ND child who is learning to manage in the world.

Your partner has the emotional maturity of a 9 year old it seems. Lashing out, literally telling you “I hate you!” as a child does.

ND or narcissist, I am not qualified to say. However she is unlikely to change. This is abusive though. This is not someone to make a life with. Don’t do it to yourself. Your future self will thank you.

This.
Her behaviour is completely unacceptable and she’s already told you she won’t change. You honestly deserve better. Hope you’re ok OP x

It's not going to get better. Do yourself a favour and break free. Love should be considerate, caring, compassionate, compromising.

Yeah, I am on the same page as this.
Nobody gets to call me a cunt.
Fuck that nonsense.

I'd be a single cunt in your shoes.

I expected to read that you had murdered her parents, beaten your children and cooked her pets when I opened this. But no, you didn't want to go to the pub at the same time as her.

I would also add that her team WON the game. How is she going to behave when she loses?

Get your ducks in a row, your practicalities sorted and get the eff out of there before she gets physical.

@Hatty65 😂 you made me smile

My DH would have to call me this only once before his bags would be getting packed and he’d be sent on his merry way.

I'm sorry your daughter does this but she is only 9.

I'm an adult ADHD female and I do not treat people like this.

Being ND does not mean that you get to be abusive people. I'm excluding your daughter because of her age but as you age, like anyone else, you become aware of others, their feelings and consequences. You mature.

This woman is just abusive. ND or not.

That is abuse. Don’t have children with her.

Its not totally the same but I had similar with new neighbours. To all the others around, they were friendly, helpful, caring but they bullied me, or at least tried to. I think people like that need a victim and if they have got one, they are fine with everyone else. When the victim refuses to play then they find another one.

Anyone who called me that vile word would get binned or punched in the face, be it friend/partner or family. Done!

Nope. Not cool. I'd be getting my ducks in a row tbh

@Kittensat36 no I cooked her breakfast, cleaned the house etc etc so she could relax before her game.

Thanks for your reply. I think when you’re in a bubble and haven’t spoken to anyone what’s going on you try convince yourself it’s somewhat acceptable for whatever reason but people here have confirmed that I’m not mad and this carry on is not cool

I have people in my life who are obsessed with narcissists to the point that I believe it cannot be everyone!!!

BUT the person who has caused me the most harm, the most discomfort and made me question myself is the person I am now 98% sure is a covert narcissist. The reason it’s so hard is exactly what you describe: one of our mutual friends said to me ‘she’s just such a ray of sunshine. She’s always so bubbly and happy.’

I almost lost the ability to speak. This person is a family member and I’ve stayed with her on many occasions and living with her is like living in a storm: mostly dark clouds and rain, occasional brief sunny spells but almost always heavy rain.

It took me so many years for the penny to drop. Covert narcissists are insidious, the worst, but the truth remains you are a supply of energy for them and they care not a jot for you. You serve them in some way, but they are using you and could not care less about your feelings: in fact they are enraged that you might consider that your feelings are important!!! What about them!!!

There is no happy love story that has someone calling them a cunt anywhere in it. That’s the line. If this person is a CN then be prepared to be the villain of the story, and the shades of crazy will be something to behold. Remember, they deserve everything and everyone else is there simply to fulfil their needs. Think queens and slaves.

I hope you are joking.

Swearing at a partner is bad yes, especially in an unprovoked context like this. It would be a dumping offence for many of us.

But do you seriously think it justifies punching someone? That's a whole new level of abuse there.

Time to get your ducks in a row snd get out of this. She sounds vile

@BustyLaRoux I’m sorry you went through this. I hope you are both doing well.