Apparently I’m a c*#t

[Newbie986]

My partner plays sport and won a big game today. I went to the game, cheered them on and celebrated with them immediately after the game. We then returned home and my partner got ready to go out to the pub with team mates. The original plan was that I would go out later to meet them to celebrate. I wanted to leave her have some time celebrating with her teammates and not have to worry about me as it is her local pub and I’m new to the area. When getting ready to leave she decided she wanted me to go immediately with her incase not everyone was there. I declined, reassured her that plenty of her teammates, coaches etc would be already there and said I would pop down later. She saw red and called me a c*#t twice and said she hated me. This isn’t the first time and there’s never an apology for any outbursts, only if I didn’t do x, y or z it wouldn’t have happened or she might say a few days later, if you weren’t so moody! I getting to a point where I’m at my wits end.

@AndThereSheGoes Waiting to hear why you couldn't have gone to the pub with her first thing when she asked you for support.
Because she wasn’t looking for support. She just didn’t want to walk in alone. I knew her teammates and locals that she knows very well would be there. My partner is not by any means shy or reserved and I have no doubt she was absolutely fine for the night.

Regardless of whether I was right or wrong I don’t feel it warranted that reaction. I have been in situations myself where support was needed and one in particular that was life changing and I did not have the support from my partner. She openly admits this and says it’s just the way she was brought up. As tough as it was going through it and not having support, I never once called her a c*#t!

It may take time OP, but get out of this situation as soon as possible.
She is abudive and will only get worse.
Street angel, house devil.

Focus on planning the move.
Tell her nothing until it is done.
Be brave, you will bitterly regret not taking action.

I agree with others that you should get out of the relationship- she sounds absolutely toxic.

You don’t need to defend yourself. Don’t know why you’re being given a hard dime by this poster. You supported your partner all day. She turned on you for no reason. Concentrate on extricating yourself from this horrible relationship xx

There's usually two sides is my point.

Because she wasn’t looking for support. She just didn’t want to walk in alone.

Yeah that's support. She's actually asked if you could walk in as a couple so she's not alone. That's not unreasonable whatever you think. Of course she'd be fine but she'd also be fine if you didn't cook or go to the game too wouldn't she.

Seems weird you wouldn't go when she needed you but you would be happy rock up halfway through. I understand you not being a pub person but from your post it doesn't appear she was expecting you stay the whole time.

I wouldn't stay with someone that aggressive tbh. Clearly the dynamics between you doesn't work for either party.

Also if they weren't capable support you with something life changing in your life you probably have chosen someone incompatible.

She's probably got bpd/eupd or is a covert narc....they're pretty similar.

By the sound of it she makes a lot of excuses for her selfish and abusive behavior.
Ignore people who say you should have gone with her. You're certainly not obligated to go everywhere she wants you to go.
She isn't a good person, OP. There is no excuse for the way she treats you.

I called my ExH a c**t once in anger.

But it was as our marriage was breaking down, he’d been having an affair ( at the time I’d found out about it ) and I had been trying to make it work for our kids sake.

He was stonewalling me, and refusing to let me speak so I lost my temper and called him a c**t.

i felt awful about it and apologised profusely.

I’m saying this because your situation sounds very different indeed.

Just walk away from this - as soon as possible.

You apologized? Why?
He deserved it. He deserved worse than that, actually.

Tell me about it. I apologised because he was gaslighting me and I was deeply manipulated.

i didn’t realise it at the time but he was stonewalling me and then when I lost my temper, accusing me of being abusive. ( I believe it’s called reactive abuse).

i do deserve an apology but ill never get one- he never said sorry once during our 5 year marriage.

wanted to add my experience to give an example where someone deserves to be called a c**t- it’s very far from OP’s situation

I'm sorry he did that to you. Bastard. It's good that he's gone.