To think DH is too sentimental?

[IAmARobot85]

DH's mum and dad gave him some birthday money last week in an envelope to spend on a treat.

DH put it in a drawer where he often keeps cash from selling things on Facebook marketplace. He has encouraged me to take cash from that drawer to use when I go for a haircut (as they prefer cash to card).

I took the money from the drawer to spend on a haircut. I forgot that it was the money from his parents rather than some other money that he wanted me to spend. It was an accident and I have apologised and offered to get some more cash out.

We have shared finances and DH's parents are still alive and well.

DH was sentimental about these particular notes. He wanted to spend them doing something fun and think of his mum getting the money out of a cash machine for him. He spent about 10 minutes talking about this last night and I kept apologising but ended up crying.

I could understand if it was a special coin from a deceased relative that he never wanted to spend, but this was some notes from relatives that are still alive and well and that he was planning to spend.

I think DH is sentimental to to the point that it is too much. We have a long history of similar incidents. He thinks I am a bit of a robot as I am not so sentimental.

AIBU to this his sentimentality is not normal?

That sounds a bit mad, tbh. Mind you, so does keeping a whole drawer of cash, some of which is of sentimental value, and some not.

I'm really sorry @IAmARobot85 I'm not in the habit of criticising other people, however exceptions can be made! What a bloody wet Lettuce your Dh is. Don’t give it another thought.

My DH is so lacking in sentiment and empathy it is unreal. He has absolutely no concept of why, for instance, I would get upset because he broke a small tumbler, and just doesn't seem able to care that it was the last remaining one of a set that I bought late DM donkeys years ago, and I've been using it ever since she died. It is just another glass to him and cannot understand the fuss.

DD went on a week-long school trip and bought some sweets with her spending money from a gift shop. DH mistakenly ate them, and bought her another packet. Again, he was incapable of comprehending that those replacement sweets were not HER sweets.

Perhaps your DH is like me and my dd, and you are more like my DH.

My DH is very sentimental. Keeps hold of everything. Items hold great meaning for him. I am not this way at all, but I respect he is and do not throw things away or take them without speaking to him first.

That being said, you said it was a mistake and you have apologised, so he needs to move on. But it depends how you are apologising – if in the same breath you are criticising or belittling his sentimentality over the money then to him it probably doesn’t seem like a genuine apology. No one like an ‘I’m sorry, but’ apology.

That being said, you said it was a mistake and you have apologised, so he needs to move on. But it depends how you are apologising – if in the same breath you are criticising or belittling his sentimentality over the money then to him it probably doesn’t seem like a genuine apology. No one like an ‘I’m sorry, but’ apology.

I agree that would be a bad apology. I have just been saying "I am sorry. It was a mistake. You have encouraged me to spend money from that drawer before and I got mixed up. I wouldn't have spent it if I had known what it was. Do you want me to get some more money out? We still have the envelope and some of the money left."

I am pretty sentimental. I keep certain cards and momentos and such like. And find throwing things away emotionally draining.

But this is totally batshit. What's he going to be like when his parents die?! You're going to end up living in a shrine if he doesn't develop some coping strategies

He's nuts. Cash is cash. It's been a lot of people's money before it got to him, nothing special about it!!

That is bananas. If Dh reacted like that I'd be presuming he was searching around for something to give out to me about.

Unless he's got some kind of impairment, he's being totally ridiculous

The point of money is that it's fungible, one tenner is the same as another

If that particular money was so sentimental then why throw it into a drawer that he uses for regular cash that he’s previously invited you to use?

If it was so sentimental then he should have put it in a special place to differentiate it from other money.

@IAmARobot85 You have nothing to apologise for. It is completely on him.

This is madness. He’s being ridiculous and unreasonable!

If he was that bothered about how precious these particular notes are, then why on earth did he lazily lash it in a drawer with other disposable cash, instead of storing it somewhere safe - so that it DID NOT get spent? He being OTT and you have apologised. He needs to grow up.

He should LTB and marry Sistine Chapel woman

Hmmmm I reckon "sentimentality" is often an excuse for hoarding. If he sticks to hoarding cash all well and good. I think he's bonkers btw

I was called a lettuce once and it's not nice, but on this occasion it is well and truly deserved.

yeah that is utterly insane, and nasty. It's not as if they are a memento he was going to keep it forever - he was going to hand over the notes in exchange for whatever he decided to buy with them anyway. Did he expect the person on the till to stand there patiently while he carefully unwrapped them from their special envelope and smiled affectionately, caressing each one as he handed them over, wiping a small tear from his eye as he thought about his darling mother?

His thinking is warped - he is upset you spent the money because he considered it a reflection of how much his mum loves him and he loves her - but he's happy to harangue his WIFE, a woman who also loves him and whom he should love - to the point of tears because she made an easily fixable minor "mistake" that was largely his fault in the first place; If he wanted to fondly nuzzle and smell those particular magic special notes that have unique meaning because a random ATM happened to spit them out to his mother who probably held them for about 2 seconds before putting them in an envelope, he should have put them somewhere safe and not in the 'money to be spent' drawer.

I could be quite sentimental sometimes but you made a genuine mistake ( which was expected with money being in spending money drawer) you apologized so I would move on the same second.

😂

I'm very sentimental and this is still bananas.

He can still think about his mum getting the cash out the ATM! but it's weird that that's the specific part he's sentimental about, not her deciding to give him a treat. Would be different if you were tight on money and there was now none left for his treat

He sounds crackers.

Is he always bonkers? I’d struggle to stop my eyes rolling back in my head, and would question his health if my OH behaved like this!

Completely bonkers. Those particular notes will probably have been through umpteen people's hands before his parents put them in an envelope. They weren't special.

I would get more money out, do a fake rummage and pull out some notes and claim that you'd found the original birthday notes and you hadn't spent them after all.

Look him dead in the eye and dare him to challenge you.

I think I’d struggle not to be very snippy!! ‘Well if it was sentimental then you only needed to care enough to put the cash somewhere separate from the cash you encourage me to spend, but you didn’t quite care enough about it for that, did you? Anyway mum gave me some sultanas today, they are very sentimental and I want to eat them thinking about her, I’ve chucked them in the big jar we keep sultanas for snacking in so do not eat mine thank you, since unlike you I’ve done you the courtesy of telling you!!’

Funniest thing written on mumsnet all year....

Seriously howling.