To think DH is too sentimental?

[IAmARobot85]

DH's mum and dad gave him some birthday money last week in an envelope to spend on a treat.

DH put it in a drawer where he often keeps cash from selling things on Facebook marketplace. He has encouraged me to take cash from that drawer to use when I go for a haircut (as they prefer cash to card).

I took the money from the drawer to spend on a haircut. I forgot that it was the money from his parents rather than some other money that he wanted me to spend. It was an accident and I have apologised and offered to get some more cash out.

We have shared finances and DH's parents are still alive and well.

DH was sentimental about these particular notes. He wanted to spend them doing something fun and think of his mum getting the money out of a cash machine for him. He spent about 10 minutes talking about this last night and I kept apologising but ended up crying.

I could understand if it was a special coin from a deceased relative that he never wanted to spend, but this was some notes from relatives that are still alive and well and that he was planning to spend.

I think DH is sentimental to to the point that it is too much. We have a long history of similar incidents. He thinks I am a bit of a robot as I am not so sentimental.

AIBU to this his sentimentality is not normal?

He's sentimental about a particular set of notes - which he's going to spend anyway? That's ridiculous.

I can understand that he'd be annoyed that you thoughtlessly spent his birthday money, but to be sentimental about the specific notes is just silly. And as for thinking about his mum getting the cash out the ATM - that is just completely batshit. Who the fuck gets sentimental about someone standing at a cash machine??

If he cared so much about the notes, he should have had them framed and hung them above the shrine to his not-yet-deceased parents which he has presumably raised in a corner of your bedroom.

Buy a frame for the remaining notes. Tell him it would be just too cruel to spend the actual notes from his dps...

Do you think he's either trying to make you feel bad for some reason, or is he playing the martyr?
It seems strange behaviour over bank notes.

That’s nuts. I’d be worried when his parents pass away and any money left will be a daily dilemma re the drawers.
stop apologising OP, he’s the fruit basket, not you.

This is ridiculous behaviour. If he’s that sentimental about the thought of his mum getting cash from a machine, it’s time for him to cut the apron strings a bit. Making you cry with guilt?!?! Will he not be torn apart handing them over in the shop, given he seems to have formed a profound emotional attachment to them?

It was in an envelope , not ‘thrown into a drawer’. i think it was in the envelope in which it was given to him , so I suppose it was in the ‘special place’ you are prescribing .

@ImustLearn2Cook why don’t you read the OP thoroughly before making unkind assumptions? Or rushing to judgement…..

I have a sentimental DH - far more sentimental than I am. But I think this is way beyond what DH would be like. It's totally reasonable to want to keep that amount of money for something nice, but in a general "I've got £50 from mum to spend on a treat" kind of way, rather than the actual specific notes.

It doesn't sound sentimental. It sounds like a lot of drama from one or both of you. I feel there is more going on than just this one incident.

and think of his mum getting the money out of a cash machine for him
what? he sounds demented.

Eww. I would find that sort of sentimentality deeply unattractive. But I’m dead on the inside.

He cried over it? This is nuts.

This is my dh too

I don't think you can tell other people they are 'too sentimental'. It is up to them how they feel about their own things.

Has he said 'you can take money whenever you want from my drawer' or has he previously said 'there is some money in my drawer that you can use' as those are different things.

All you can do is apologise and in future check before you take money from the drawer.

He sounds bonkers and not in a remotely endearing way 🫠

Was it him or you that 'ended up crying'? If it was you, I don't think you're a robot. Is he neuro-divergent by any chance? There can be a tendency to fixate on small details, or kick off if something has 'changed' from its original and preferred state. Otherwise, apologise (which you have done) and say he needs to move on now because he's upsetting you and it was an accident.

I keep chuckling at this. I must have re-read it several times 😆 🤣 😂 caressing each one! 😆 I can't breathe for laughing 😆

This is utterly bonkers OP!! What a sop your DH is! 🤦‍♀️ I couldn't live with someone so wet 🤷‍♀️ Stop apologising and tell him to get a bloody grip!

I wouldn't be sentimental about the actual notes but I would be pissed off if my DH had taken some of my birthday money without asking

He could have some attachment issues from childhood, perhaps his DM wasn’t emotionally or physically available to him, maybe he didn’t feel a priority due to other siblings, mothers own needs etc. He needs to explore this in therapy. You did nothing wrong but he is placing significance onto inanimate objects that feel like a thread of love from his mother.

He sounds like a plonker and I would be telling him to get a grip rather than apologising any more.

I am not totally unsentimental. I see why items can have sentimental value to people and can tell a story of family history. But a wadge of bank notes which can be easily replaced at the next visit to the ATM? Which, of course, you had already offered to do.

Who the fuck forms emotional attachments to bank notes? Surely his mother's intention was for him to buy himself something nice with the money, not to form a ridiculous attachment to the cash itself??!!

He could have some attachment issues from childhood, perhaps his DM wasn’t emotionally or physically available to him, maybe he didn’t feel a priority due to other siblings, mothers own needs etc. He needs to explore this in therapy. You did nothing wrong but he is placing significance onto inanimate objects that feel like a thread of love from his mother.

I don't think so. He has a normal relationship with his parents. He just gets very weird about so many objects - old TVs, bath towels, you name it. If it was unusual for his parents to give him something and he wanted to keep the cash forever I would maybe understand, but I just find his reaction odd and suffocating.

He's apologised for making me upset, but I don't think he gets that it's really horrible to be chewed out over a mistake that any normal person wouldn't care about. He doesn't think he was going on about it, even though it must have lasted like 10 minutes, complete little mimes of his mum at the cash machine, thinking of him whilst she gets the money out.

I think he sounds like a beautiful soul.

My H is very sentimental about objects - he won’t let me throw away a bag of ancient cassette tapes, which we don’t even have any means of listening to any more. His job is linked to preserving and conserving objects, which I don’t think is a total coincidence. His parents are big on preserving things, and are still using an deathtrap oven they bought in the 1970s. Pre-war babies. Yorkshire thrift. But it can be unhealthy. My MIL definitely has hoarding tendencies.

But bank notes sounds really bonkers to me. A solution would be for them to send a cheque. Assuming he does online banking he could photograph the cheque but keep the physical object to treasure forever, so best of both worlds!

Certainly odd, but I get it and think it is rather sweet.

Saving the money separately to buy something special isn’t unreasonable. It’s nicer than sticking it in the bank and it just being absorbed and contributing to the council tax DD or whatever.

whatever he did eventually spend it on would have sentimental value and it’s always nice for the giver to hear something like “by the way mum I used that birthday money to buy a new socket set, thanks”

using the actual notes is a bit OTT but if you accept what I wrote above then it is just an extension of the principle.
I am sorry you got into an argument about it I hope you both get over it quickly