Help! My husband's feelings are being hurt but am I being mean?

[likeitallagain]

He is a very clean, tidy man with good hygiene.

But WHENEVER he drinks beer I can smell it on him and it makes me heave. It must be beer because he drinks Jack Daniel's and I can never smell it when he does.

I told him last night 'sorry, but you stink'. I really didn't mean to be hurtful but it overwhelmed me, this awful smell. It's there when I walk in a room.

The smell is absolutely awful. I can't really describe it. It is such a weird smell. It's like this weird, yeasty yet sour type smell. It's really hard to explain

The closest thing I can describe it to is sadly a rotting flesh. I remember this experience from years ago after someone had passed away. It's a weird, sickly sweet smell.

It's literally oozing out of him and even brushing his teeth hasn't helped when I demanded he did that last night

If I walk into the room I can smell it on him immediately.

Is something wrong with me here? I ask this because my own dad was an alcoholic (nice man but drink reliance). He never smelt and still doesn't? But it was just whisky. Is that why?

I also worked with an alcoholic briefly in an office. He did smell of alcohol a lot but it was a different smell?

I have also smelt alcohol when briefly training as a nurse and I remember some patients being really drunk but I never smelt this smell.

Can someone tell me if I'm going mad or explain what this is?

And why have I never smelt it before? I am not pregnant so no heightened sense of smell

I will also add that he's drunk beer before and this has never happened. So why now after all this time?

This is the second time it's cropped up. Last week and last night. Woke up next to him and I can smell it so badly

I must be really sensitive at the moment because it makes me want to cry. I can't stand the smell.

He needs to shower well as the alcohol is changing the smell of his sweat so toothpaste isn't enough. You had to say it to him. I imagine as a nurse you are pretty resilient and have seen it all so it must be pretty bad. Does he drink a lot as, in my mind, drinking Jack Daniels regularly is quite serious drinking compared to having a few beers. But maybe is not a regular thing.

@junebirthdaygirl I'm not a nurse, just briefly trained as one

I would say he drinks more than is recommended but not heavily.

But for some reason, the beer is making him stink

You're being mean and over the top.

Look up the nurse who can smell Parkinson’s. May be of interest

@lollylo I have heard of people who can smell Parkinson's and Dementia

But H is an otherwise healthy 32 year old. So very unlikely - but I wonder if I can smell some sort of illness

I could smell when DD was unwell

Could it be alcoholic ketoacidosis? When you drink enough the excess alcohol makes your sweat smell sweet or 'fruity'.

Is it possible DH is drinking more then you think? He already sounds like it's a problem, could he be hiding it? It does seem odd that it's just beer that does this though. Worth a Google.

Could you be pregnant OP?

So this smell came about after about 3 beers

In total he had about 5 of them. So a lot but I didn't think it would cause ketoacidosis after 3?

Is it the smell his body produces when he drinks beer or do you feel as sick when you go to a pub?

@FridayNight1975 Smell his body produces.

I like the smell of a pub, strangely! It's nothing like that smell. This is like a sweet, decay/rotting smell 🤢

Most alcohol is metabolised and excreted through our pores and sweat glands, which is why cleaning his teeth or taking a shower won't help. If this smell is a recent change for your husband then maybe it's worth him getting a GP check up to ensure there's nothing untoward going on in his body.

Ok good. I think pp has it. Google says that alcohol will change the composition of your sweat as it is metabolised differently from other sugars.

Tbh I would use this an an opportunity to talk about his drinking in general. Maybe get a health check.

If my husband told be that something I was drinking was making me smell awful and he didn't want to be near me then I would stop drinking it. If you DH is unable to stop or doesn't want to then you have bigger problems. If he is regularly drinking 5 beers day then he is at risk of alcoholism. How often does he drink. If it's daily then that's really not good.

Alcoholism is progressive. If he's already at minimum a problem drinker then it's likely to get worse.

My dad's an alcoholic. It used to be 'a lot but not excessive' then we noticed he was taking shot of vodka in the kitchen on his own. The wine went from a glass a night to a bottle. Any journey became 'stressful' so he needed a drink afterwards. Lunches out became 'looking for a pub that sells that IPA that I can't get where I live'

He's been hospitalised several times from falling over (we suspect he was drunk) and from 'liver infection' that he didn't tell us about until he was already recovered from.

I'm possibly being over cautious and wary about alcohol op, but it's just a warning from someone who's too far gone and maybe this could be a great thing for your DH to get on top of it. If he can't, bigger questions about possible dependency on alcohol and why it's more important to him then your feelings/sense of smell/ attraction to him.

What happens when he drinks a different brand of beer? I would get him to give that a try? Some brands smell worse to me. I know what you mean about the smell, especially our bedroom after my husband has slept in it all night after having a few beers, it stinks! Fortunately he rarely drinks these days. I would ask him to try drink something different, so Guinness instead of larger and see if that helps. Or maybe switch to wine?

Is he drinking a different sort of beer to previously? Or has he recently had a course of antibiotics that may have changed the digestive bacteria in his gut?

I can see why you hate it; but I do think you’re being a bit mean, then. It doesn’t sound like he’s drinking to excess, or there’s anything he can do about it, other than not drink beer. I mean, that’s what I’d do if me drinking it made DH uncomfortable, but I don’t know how I’d feel about him demanding that, and it doesn’t seem healthy to encourage him to drink more whiskey…

I do think people smell differently after beer than whiskey, so I’m not sure the old experiences are relevant.

Could you be pregnant?

This has happened with both Stella beers and Red Stripe

I'd say he drinks about twice a week. Quite 'a lot' at a time though, or so I think as a non drinker

He will have a small bottle of JD with coke, and a beer for example. The small bottles make about 4 drinks, I think

When he drinks more than one beer, I can now smell it instantly and it is honestly really distressing, for some reason. I am not a naturally highly strung person but it's such a weird smell

You beat me to it. I was thinking exactly that.

I know exactly what you mean. Had a neighbour where the man drank a lot of beer every day and their house certainly had a certain smell I put down to the drink. Even though he did not drink in the house.

Smelling for diagnosis aside, your title should really say ‘I have hurt my husband’s feelings’ because you have – it didn’t passively happen so you should take responsibility for it.

Unless he’s a raging alcoholic, it’s not his fault and you shouldn’t speak that way to your partner. I’d be so hurt if my DH said this to me if I suddenly developed an issue with smell.

Your sense of smell may be heightened if you are sensitive at the moment. Also viruses (famously COVID but others too) can alter your sense of smell. Have you had a cold recently?

The words you used were not ok really, try saying 'the smell is really strong' - you said 'you stink' which is a playground insult!

Have a chat with him about this.

You've got a lot in your past too, if you had alcoholism at home. But rotting flesh? That seems unusual.

is it guiness
that smells revolting to me

Me too.

Have not RTFT.

I also have - as my family put it - a telescopic nose. I have a really really acute sense of smell.

I would never tell someone they "stink" - especially someone I love. That's really nasty. Use better phrasing if you really can't put up with (normal human) smells