To think MN is horrible about blended families?

[kungfullama]

I've seen so many posts recently that just leads to think MN sees blended families as second class somehow.

Threads where ex wives are behaving horribly and withholding contact but are being defended because 'they were left' so somehow have the right to pass their bitterness onto their kids.

Posters screaming LTB at the slightest bit of conflict between dc and stepparents as if conflict doesn't ever occur in traditional families too.

Insinuating that new partners are just flash in the pan 'boyfriends' even when the relationship is long term or they're married.

Blended families can be complicated and the dynamics might be slightly different. But I know for a fact my dc lives are so much better with their bio parents apart and made considerably richer with the involvement of their two loving stepparents. I don't see us as being lesser than a traditional family. Not sure why others do.

I mean I hardly feel like people need to lie about having a shitty childhood annon let’s face it.

I get making up being a millionaire but hating a step family life sounds far too boring.

Nonsensical. Our opinions are formed by factors including bias, and those biases don't change when we're talking to someone we know or posting on an anonymous forum. What DOES change is how honest we are.

They'll say any old shit to avoid admitting their selfishness.

Of course they’re allowed to. As adults we’re free to have whatever relationships we want and live with who we choose to. Being allowed has no impact on how it can cause a child to feel.

Children generally just want to live with the family they’ve known all their lives because that’s what feels safe and comfortable to them. The suggestion that the original family can’t have been any better to live with than a step family makes no sense. Children that have always lived with a single parent will be happy with that and when the other parent is still involved, there’s no benefit to them to have a step parent. Children that are old enough to have registered living in an unhappy home and then gone through the separation would, in most cases, be better of living with a single parent for the rest of their childhood.

Yes, really selfish to give my time and money to children with whom I share no DNA and love regardless. Incredibly selfish to bequeath half my son’s inheritance to them. So, so selfish to have supported them in numerous ways for 26 years. I suppose it is in a way as my life would have been poorer without their love.

I think mn is just critical of everything. Especially rich people, grammar schools, pushy parents, transgender kids, men, mils, stay at home mums, working mums, nurseries, schools... etc well you get the picture.

But equally most people post about problems which results in critical opinions and other people raising similar trauma.

Equally children don't benefit from their parents being miserable. Parents are people too!

Gosh, you spent time with the children who were forced to live with you? And even MONEY sometimes? And all for their benefit because you and their father got nothing out of it. And some people say there are no modern day saints.

And what are you basing your opinion on? 😂

It seems more like golden uteruses on here being terrified that their child might actually bond with a stepmum that is the biggest insecurity on this thread.

I really doubt that's going to be a concern of any of the mothers who've read the step-parenting threads on here! Most of the stepmothers on MN seem to resent their stepchild for breathing. They honestly seem to think their partner is doing his ex a favour by providing for, or even "babysitting", his own children.

Also, "golden uterus" is a creepy, misogynistic term.

What does 'golden uterus' even mean? Jesus this thread is awful.

But why does not living with a partner until your child grows up equal misery? It's entirely possible to keep your love life separate from your child's life.

I think the whole "happy mum, happy kids" mantra has done a lot of damage, to be honest. The uncomfortable truth is that even if the mym is happier living with a partner, their child would usually be happier not to have an unrelated man in their house. No down time, no walking around your own house in your pyjamas... no one would blame a grown woman for feeling uncomfortable about that scenario, so why blame children?

Over on Gransnet, there are women whose children cut them off once they grew up, because they resented the way their mother prioritised her new relationship(s) over them. These women are generally bewildered and insist that their son or daughter seemed perfectly happy at the time.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. I have friends in their 30s and 40s who recount the day their Dad walked out with such clarity and the words that were said when they were tiny children. One friend said she was sat on a climbing frame in the garden aged about six and said to her brother who was about 4 ‘Daddy’s just gone. He’s left us now. He asked her ‘will we be ok?’ She said ‘I dunno’. She’s told me this story many times, when she’s pissed on nights out, when we’ve had a long shift at work. It’s still bothering her now. Her Dad is still with the woman he left her Mum for, and her Mum never met anyone else and still lives in the same house, my friend says her kids play on the same climbing frame now and it turns her stomach to look at it. She’s not completely screwed up, but her parents divorce is as raw today as it was 40 years ago.

Another friend said he saw something his Dad had written on the kitchen calendar on 14th June 1984 it said ‘Jenny told Steve she didn’t love him anymore’ and that’s when he realised his parents were splitting up. He said from that moment on his entire life tipped upside down. Mum left, new bloke, Dad stayed, married again to get someone in to help care for the kids or wanted to get remarried before the wife did to prove a point. He’s convinced his Dad is still completely in love with his Mum despite more marriages, more kids.

I didn’t know these people as kids, they’re still talking about these events 40 years later. I don’t think ‘kids adapt’ I think they shut up and get on with it, because they’re frightened to death of more change, more new partners, new step-siblings etc.

Have a google, I did. MRA stuff.

I get it. Well at least you are being fair, it's not your fault or your responsibility what others do.

Try to encourage the kids not to feel resentful, if will only eat away at them and do no good whatsoever. They may go on to have happy successful lives regardless of what they missed out on financially. Hopefully their children will be secure.

What a tangled web we humans weave sometimes.

Well I have a great relationship with my SD and she's welcome here any time. We have her as much as we can.

Interesting that a brief look at your posts shows you saying there's one child in your family (yours, ignoring your stepdaughter) and that you and your husband chose to move a couple of hours away from her.

I have one child. There are 2 children in our family. If I'm on a post about young children I won't be mentioning a 15 yo! It made sense for all of us to live further away but she still has a place with us. Her Mum is also re-partnered and she has a good relationship with her stepdad too.

I knew I shouldn't have got dragged into this thread.

I don't need to prove anything, if she's happy, we're happy. If she's secretly miserable whilst claiming to be happy whilst showing every indicator of being a happy and successful teenager then I guess there's not a lot we can do about that!

I agree I'm in my 30s with a toddler I'll be post menopausal when he goes off to uni it seems strange to think I can't have a live in relationship until then.
I'm also so tired and exhausted and can be lonely in the evenings. Having someone to make me really happy and to support me in all the ways a partner does would surely be good for me and my son?!
But saying that I would only consider this with a truly incredible man. The big standard typical relationship where woman is a married single mum - no thank you.

She's 15. She can't possibly understand how completely selfish her father is yet.

When she has her own children, and can't imagine leaving them for even an hour, it'll all come flooding over her.

OK. I'm sure you know our situation better than us.

I'm quite sure she already knows she isn't part of the family, and she definitely knows her father moved hours away from her. But as her step"mother" says, if she's miserable oh well!

I guess no children get to choose the other children they live with, but all adults have the right to choose the adults they live with. A child could dislike blood siblings just as much as step siblings. The main clash to me is different parenting styles in one home especially the older they are when the homes blend.

@MrsSunshine2b

My dad moved towns, 40 mins away. We're close, I love him but I've never forgiven him.

I'm sorry about that. SD was able to understand the concept that we'd been priced out of the area by soaring rents.